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A Few Thoughts For Entering a New Year

Chat soon.

Martina

Overcast Haiku

Overcasted day

Gloom slipping through my windows

Awaiting release.

Images by Waqutiar Rahaman from Pixabay

How to Embrace the Lost Art of Effective Listening

This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener.
They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit.
Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.
Sarah Dessen

It’s not news to anyone that we live in a highly distracting and distractable world. And, that most of the sounds, pictures, videos, etc. are just that, distractions.

There are people in our lives, at home and at work, with whom we would like to make stronger bonds. But with all the modern technology at our disposal for communicating better, many people seem to have forgotten how to communicate clearly with others, whether on a call or standing right next to them. Listening has become a lost art.

Knowing how to listen effectively comes with lots of benefits. It can strengthen our marriages, liaisons, and partnerships and boost our careers. But we must take time to learn to do it effectively.

The next time someone wants to talk with you, or you want to approach someone, consider these steps:

1. Focus your attention on them

Our activities and movements during a conversation demonstrate to the other person how important they are to you. When we are fully paying attention only to them, not only does it lift them up, but we are also more likely to fully comprehend what is being said and prevent misunderstandings and miscommunication.

Sit or stand still. Stop whatever else you’re doing.
Stow your phone. If you need to, turn it off.
Switch off all other distractions, such as the TV.
Focus on the present moment.
- Listen to what is being said.
- Resist every urge to let your mind wander to other things (like what you’ll fix for supper) or worse, start formulating your response.

2. Look them in the eye.

Failure to keep eye contact makes it seem as though we aren’t paying attention to the current conversation.

Look away fleetingly, periodically, so it will not feel like you’re staring at them in a creepy kind of way. Once you have looked away, immediately bring your focus back to them to avoid other distractions that might pull you away from the person or task in right front of you. This helps assure the speaker that you’re still actively listening.

3. Summarize, first.

When they stop talking, first summarize what you just heard them say. This will help you clarify their meaning.

Give them space to agree with your summary or make changes as they need to. It will then be possible for you to add your own perspective, thoughts, or any questions you may have.

4. Ask more questions.

Instead of trying to read the other person’s mind, if you do not clearly understand what is being said, simply ask for clarification. This will squash assumptions and misunderstandings are avoided.

Asking appropriate questions also lets them know that you have listened intently and that you are trying to understand their perspective, rather than just whipping off some ready-made answer or suggestion.

5. DO NOT INTERRUPT!

It is always so tempting to jump right in with comments or solutions. Don’t do it.

Keep quiet until they stop speaking and it is your turn.

Sometimes people are just looking to vent and get their issues off their chest. Let them finish their thoughts. They will appreciate you and it may help them relieve their stress about the issue. By saying nothing, you can help them feel better!

One of my philosophies as a provider is that if I let the patient tell her own story in her own words, using the strategies above, 90% of the time I could make an accurate diagnosis, which I could later be confirmed with examination and tests. The problem is that, not just for physicians, we always think we know the whole story and the fix within the first sew sentences. This is rarely the case. We are often in such a rush to fix and move on to whatever is next, we miss the details. And God or the devil is in the details.

People won’t always be able to recall everything we have said in a conversation, but they will remember how you made them feel. You can uplift the people around you, avoid misunderstandings, and strengthen your relationships by practicing these easy listening techniques.

Reap the benefits of knowing how to listen!

Chat soon.

Martina

Embrace Positive Compromise

Embrace the Positive Side of Compromise

The ability to compromise makes our lives and relationships run more smoothly, even if the concept sometimes seems challenging to implement. Here are some of the advantages of compromising as well as some techniques for finding middle ground.

Good Reasons to Compromise

1. Advance the greater good. Making reasonable concessions paves the way for finding solutions to difficult conflicts. For example, if you’re a parent with physical custody, be generous about accommodating your ex-spouse’s schedule so your kids grow up with two loving parents.

2. Facilitate cooperation. Teamwork flourishes in an atmosphere of trust and respect. By demonstrating your commitment to the common good, you make it easier to work together at the office and at home.

3. Strengthen your relationships. Cultivating our relationships is usually far more valuable than coming out ahead on any particular decision. Build good will by welcoming your mother-in-law’s help in the kitchen even if you think it would be faster to do a task yourself.

4. Feel happier. Our happiness depends more on the way we view events than on the events themselves. As you practice accommodating others, you’ll find that becoming more flexible and generous feels good.

Techniques for Making Constructive Compromises

1. Uphold your core values and needs. Distinguish between compromising and copping out. Bullying is destructive for both parties, so preserve your own integrity and set healthy boundaries. Be firm and respectful about communicating your rights and desires.

2. Prioritize issues. Save your energy for the stuff that really matters. As long as your son is getting good grades and staying out of trouble, maybe you can live with him coming home from college with an eyebrow piercing.

3. Gather facts. Try bolstering your position by doing the research to back it up. If your boss tends to resist change, he may be more receptive to approving a new employee benefit if you document how it saves money and improves employee retention.

4. Empathize with the other person’s position. When you’re asking someone to meet you halfway, try to put yourself in their shoes. Listen closely to their concerns and goals so that you can address them.

5. Consider all your options. We all attach different values to the same things. If you and your partner have different standards for house cleaning, you may be able to work things out by hiring a cleaning service.

6. Express appreciation. Thank people for being willing to make trade-offs. Acknowledge the concessions they make and their contribution to creating more positive outcomes. For example, if your employees work through the weekend to meet a production deadline, ensure it gets noted in their annual review and encourage them to take compensating time off.

7. Stick to your word. Think carefully before making a serious compromise so you’ll feel confident that you can live with it. Proceeding slowly is better than making promises you may later regret. On the other hand, your loved ones will usually be willing to rethink an arrangement if it’s undermining your wellbeing.

8. Take accountability for your decision. Once you spell out the terms you can abide by, assume responsibility for the choices you’ve made. This will help you to avoid becoming resentful.

9. Wield power wisely. Even if you have the upper hand in an interaction, it’s usually best to seek an agreement that’s acceptable to everyone involved. Future situations are likely to run more smoothly and you’ll enjoy more peace of mind.

Learning to give and take helps everyone to wind up with more in the end. Stay true to yourself while being open to making accommodations that create better solutions in our private and public lives.

Embrace Change at Work

7 Strategies to Embrace Change at Work

Learning to accept change at work is critical to being successful in your career. Dealing with alterations to your normal work procedures can be frustrating, unwanted, and even scary, but change can bring many positive elements to an active working environment.

What can you do to welcome change at your job with confidence and an adventuresome spirit?

Consider these suggestions to guide you towards embracing workplace changes with optimism:

1. Why do you feel negatively about the change? Ask yourself what scares you or makes you angry about a recent change at work. Explore all the possibilities.

* List your concerns. Maybe you think your job or paycheck is threatened. Perhaps you think the company might close because of the change. Think through these concerns.

* If you find that your concerns are legitimate, create a Plan B that you can implement in your worst-case scenarios.

* Once you make an action plan, let go of anxieties about situations you can’t control and optimistically expect the best results that could happen from the change.

2. Remind yourself those in charge have good reasons for the change. You must trust that the people running the company are making the choice to change for a reason that will benefit the company.

* Recognize that people in power have a picture of the entire situation. They have information that you might not have.

3. Help reduce workplace negativity about the change. Avoid lengthy discussions with co-workers about changes in the workplace, especially if your peers are focusing on negativity related to the changes.

* Some co-workers might be especially antagonistic about upcoming changes due to their own fears and insecurities. Realizing their less-than-positive comments spring from fear will help you refrain from participating in such conversations.

* Make an effort to be understanding, but decline to share any thoughts that might be interpreted as negative about the changes.

* Share thoughts about the positive results the change should bring.

4. Accept the change as part of your job. Recognize that an important aspect of your work is to support the management and carry out your leaders’ directives.

* Simplify the situation for yourself by pledging to respect the changes and perform your duties as required.

5. Consider the new plans a challenge. Make a decision to face the change head-on and do whatever it takes to glean positive results from the new plans.

* Show yourself that you can roll with the punches. The changes may even result in your adding some very important career experiences to your resume for the future.

6. Have confidence that you can handle any change. Remind yourself that you strive for excellence in your work, regardless of the situation.

7. Embrace the positive possibilities. Your work situation might actually improve because of the new changes. Even though it might take some time to experience, you’ll most likely see some positive results emerge from the adjustments in your work environment.

* This could be a time of rejuvenation, renewal and newfound efficiency.

* Be patient throughout the implementation process.

* Allow yourself to expect your work situation to improve because of the changes.

Although changes at work might be scary and unwanted, open your mind to the possibilities of change. Put some of these strategies into practice if changes occur where you work. Yes, you can embrace change at work with positivity, confidence, and patience!

Embracing Life’s New Chapters

I hope you realize that every day is a fresh start for you.

That every sunrise is a new chapter in your life waiting to be written.

Juansen Dizon

Life is constantly in motion, full of changes. Changes often occur when we least expect them, and the change can be disruptive to our routines. This often happens when new chapters or new avenues open up to us.

It can feel all too easy to just give up when we don’t feel in control of situations. It’s easy for our confidence to slip when we are going through something new or different.

The good news is that we can choose how we want to approach novel events and remain positive.

Strategies for Approaching Something New:

1. Always keep an open mind.

Try expecting the best outcome instead of the worst.
Remind yourself that you have encountered more challenging situations in the past and endured.
A new chapter in your life could be the answer to setting new goals or finally attaining old ones.

2. Be Bold!

Fear often keeps us from going after what we want from life.
- It can result in disappointment, sadness, and feelings of humiliation.
- If we are not living the lives we want, then we need to start mustering the courage to move forward.
Walk into a situation while repeating the words, “I can conquer this.”
- Even if you are not feeling terribly brave all the time, speak courage into your life, and begin to believe in yourself.

3. Step by Step.

The best way to approach any situation is to break it down into its smallest components.
The bigger picture of your new chapter may seem overwhelming.
- Take time to analyze it, you will recognize that it is easier to take smaller bites and even relish the taste of the newness of each new part.

4. Consider previous missteps.

Understand your strengths and abilities, and think about where things have gone astray before.
- The lessons we learn along life’s journey should be the tools we take into our next chapters.
- Use these tools as much as possible to help guide you into and through the unknown.

5. Be truthful.

If you are taking on something new and expect to be victorious, you definitely do not want to disappoint yourself or others!
- Be honest about feeling intimidated.

New chapters in life need not be terrifying. Give yourself every possibility of experiencing fulfillment.

Try these strategies for embracing the new chapters, believing in yourself, and moving as if you already know the outcome!

Martina

Photo by Constantin Stanciu @ Scopio

Embrace Stillness

Feel your emotions

Live true your passions

Keep still your mind.

Geoffrey M. Gluckman

If you are like most of us, you are not taking the time to experience real stillness on a regular basis.
Many people are resistant to the idea of stillness for several reasons. We do not believe we have the time to sit and do “nothing.”
Twenty minutes of meditation each day is an awesome way to practice stillness on a regular basis. Start with 5 minutes, and work your way up to a more expanded time.
Meditation and prayer are the most obvious ways to practice stillness, but they certainly are not the only option.

Be still each day for as much time as you can spare.

Your life will be changed in powerful ways.

© Copyright Martina McGowan, MD

Photo by Saltiola Photography on Unsplash

Moving from Setbacks to Success

Failures make character,

not success.

Abhijit Naskar

It does not matter if it is a bad job, a broken New Years’ resolution, or a diet that has gone off the rails. There will be times we will consider quitting. That is not to say that quitting is always a bad choice. Sadly, we have all been taught to believe that quitting is equivalent, or on the same level as a complete failure. But, as we get older and hopefully wiser, we can clearly see that there are a few activities or relationships that are simply not worth continuing. It is important to arrive at your decision to quit or continue actively and consciously, rather than making a reflexive decision.

Avoid quitting too soon:

1. Hit the pause or reset button.

Most of our less-than-stellar decisions can probably be avoided by taking a short pause.
When we are stressed, overworked, overtired, and fed-up, imprudent thinking, and therefore decisions can become our norm.
Grant yourself the time you need to make a wise decision.
Allow your head to clear before you make a big decision in the heat of the moment that can change your life forever.
Most decisions can wait.

2. Step back from the situation.

View the situation soberly.
Try to be objective and weigh the situation carefully.
Enroll the assistance of a friend if necessary.
It can be easier to evaluate someone else’s situation more accurately than our own.

3. What is the worst that can happen?

Think long-term.
Quitting is an easy choice when you only think about the short-term ramifications.
You can relieve your immediate stress and stressors almost instantaneously!
But, what about the long-term consequences?
- If you quit your job, granted, you will not have to interact with your current boss. But, what will happen if you cannot find another job quickly?
Reconsider quitting if the long-term consequences are too severe.
- A little relief now is not worth long-term pain.
Who will be impacted by your quitting?
- Your boss?
- Your coworkers?
- Your family?
- The members of your church bowling team?
- You?
- Who will truly be affected by what you want to do?
What message are you sending to your children?
- What would you tell them to do in a similar circumstance?
- Your children and colleagues are always watching.
- Be sure to set the best example you can.

4. Consider taking a new tact.

Maybe you should quit.
Perhaps what you need is a new plan.
Not being able to get the results we desire is not necessarily a sign that we should call it quits.
Poor results point out an ineffective process.
Consider tweaking your approach.
Major accomplishments are accompanied by numerous failed attempts.

5. Why are you really thinking about quitting?

Is it because you don’t believe you can be successful in your current role?
Do you lack the resources you need to do a better job?
Are you enjoying some aspects of the job, activity, or relationship?
Are you lacking the necessary time?
Some reasons for quitting are definitely better than others.
Quitting a second job you do not need so that you can spend more time with your family is a good reason to quit.
Ending your marriage because your significant will not put their dirty clothes in the appointed hamper may be a bit extreme.
Is there an alternative solution to quitting?

6. Consider the times you have quit before.

How do you feel about those events today?
Was quitting the best solution, or do you regret it now?
How do you think you will feel in the future about quitting in your current situation?

7. Sometimes we just have to carry on.

There are times when quitting is the best choice.
But, when it is not the absolutely best choice we can make not the best choice, it becomes necessary to be strong and keep moving forward.
Stick with that horrible job until you have something different lined up.
If our default coping mechanism is quitting, we will never accomplish much in life.

Take a moment before making a hasty decision. Take a time-out. Go outside and breathe for a few minutes.

Quitting is not a decision to be taken lightly.

Before making the decision to quit, consider all of the consequences and all of the fall-out.

Speak with a trusted friend, and consider your history.

In some instances, quitting is final.

Avoid creating long-term difficulties to alleviate short-term stress.

Give yourself the necessary time required to make the wisest decision possible.

Disappointment is a natural part of the schedule

if you plan on winning

Johnnie Dent, Jr.

Martina

Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

What is your vision for your life?

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The most pathetic person in the world

is someone who has sight,

but has no vision.

Helen Keller

Do you struggle with how to design and carry out a clear vision for your life? Does it seem that you are living day to day without a real plan and feeling like you have lost your focus? Here are a few tips to inspire you on how to develop a vision for your future:

1. Reflection time. Make some room in your over-burdened schedule to do nothing but reflect on your life. Having time to ponder how far you have already come and where you are now headed is integral to proceeding to develop your life vision.

2. Open your mind. Surveying your life so far may seem like a rather daunting process when you first sit down to do it. But, you must make time to fully acknowledge what has happened to you and determine whether you honestly feel that you are on the track that you want to be on at this time in your life.

This process will be a challenge, but the end result could produce one amazing life that is perfectly tailor-made for you.

3. Take notes. Think about what you have accomplished so far in your journey. What goals have you met? Write them out. Doing so will cultivate more thoughts of what you have already experienced in life and why. Are you still working toward those goals? Why or why not?

4. Be completely honest with yourself about any choices that you have made in the past that were diversions. When did you make a choice that prevented you from continuing working toward your “real” goal at the time? Looking back now, what do you think was your biggest mis-step?Did some of those choices turn out well? Why? Did they lead you down a path that you now see as more in tune with what you really want?

5. Set goals now. Make a new list of your current goals and wishes for the future.

Perhaps you want a promotion at work. What has to happen in order for that to occur? Create the mini-goals that will be necessary to do do in order for you to meet your main goal of getting that promotion. Leave nothing out. For example, if you need to complete two college classes, include those as goals.

Check off each smaller goal you accomplish as you work toward the larger, overarching goal. It will be a real boost when you do.

6. Post your life aspirations where you can see them regularly. Put them on your mirror, refrigerator, Smart-phone, electronic pad, and bulletin board. Put a copy by your favorite chair in your living room where you can re-read them often. In short, ensure your vision is right in front of your face much of the time.

7. Create a vision board. Use photos from magazines and write inspiring words related to the photos you choose to place on your board. Your vision board is a graphic reminder of what you are working toward single every day.

8. Decide whether that you are indeed living in “the right place.” Does your current home location meet your employment, personal, and financial needs? Is it possible to achieve your goals here? If not, seriously begin to consider your options. Are you willing to move away? If so, include on your goal list everything you must do to get ready to move.

9. Make your life vision a priority! In order to live out the vision that you have developed, you must keep your vision at the top of your list of priorities. Going forward, when making decisions in the future, consider the options that will support your life vision.

Developing your life vision will take time, reflection, and work, but the rewards will be great. Your life will be filled with passion and optimism once you develop your vision. Why wait? Start creating your vision today!

What would you add to this list of ways to get your vision back at the top of your list of priorities?

Photo Credit: -RejiK via Compfight cc