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Martina McGowan MD

life lived by the Book

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Am Not Responsible For My Current Situation pt 1

Optimism is a strategy for making a better future.

Because unless you believe that the future can be better,

you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so. 

Noam Chomsky

Today, let’s begin to analyze how harmful it is when we think that we are merely victims of circumstances. When we buy into the notion that life goes by without our input, or our ability to make an impact on the course of things. When we accept or decide that we are just pawns in some grander scheme we can’t even pretend to understand. That our fates, our destinies, and our futures are already etched in stone, and we can neither escape nor change them. Taken on its own, away from all our other beliefs and stories we hold dear, can you see how severely limiting this belief is to us? Let’s see how…

It is all too easy to play the blame game. To believe that someone else, anyone else, is responsible for the situation we find ourselves currently in. To assume that our circumstances are the products of other people’s actions, and never our own.

When we don’t hold ourselves responsible for our current conditions, it allows us to remain caught in those circumstances. After all, if we did not create the problems or circumstances, surely we cannot be held responsible for changing them.

And so, we don’t make any forward progress. We fall back on such thoughts as, “I can’t believe that they put me in this position. This is not my fault. I am not responsible for where I currently am.”

The limiting mindset is that we are not responsible for where we currently are in life. Someone else did this to us.

This thinking allows us to play the constant victim. When something goes wrong in life, we can simply blame it on others and the circumstances they have placed us in.  We refuse to take ownership of our own situation. And, therefore, we can absolve ourselves of any need to try to fix it.

It also means we never learn, or we never have to. Because if we are unhappy with our circumstances we have choices to make. Either we can accept things as they are, never expecting them to change, let alone, improve. Or, we make an effort to learn how to make things different.

Let’s look at ways to rewrite this mantra into something much more empowering:

Our current self-talk:

● “I’m not responsible for where I am in life.”

Better Words:

● “I am fully responsible for my life.”
● “I take ownership of my circumstances.”
● “I refuse to play the victim game.”
● “I can create different circumstances.”
● “I am in complete charge of my life and determine what it looks like.”

If you’re going to make forward progress in life, it’s absolutely essential that you take 100% responsibility for the circumstances in which you find yourself. Yes, other people play a role in your life, but ultimately, you are responsible for what you accept and what you refuse.

Next week, we’ll talk about some action plans to flesh out or better self-talk. It is the voice we listen to most often. So, let’s see if we can give it a new and improved monologue.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Compare Myself To Others pt 2

We shift from comparing ourselves to others

to considering our real needs and desires.

We shift from “more” to “enough” and

ultimately get more of what money can’t buy.

Priceless.

Vicki Robin

Last week we chatted about how limiting it can be to compare ourselves to others rather than being satisfied with our own achievements, progress, and milestones.

We are starting from the ground zero limiting belief of:

● I compare myself to others.

To more empowering beliefs:

● The achievements of others will not determine my value!
● I am valuable simply because of who I am.
● “What matters most is what I achieve, not what others achieve.”
● I am more than the sum total of my accomplishments.

In order for us to rewrite this limiting belief in our minds, it is essential that we understand that the achievements of others simply do not matter to us. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that they lack importance, but the achievements of others cannot and should not be the basis of our worth, success, or value.

We are valuable simply because of who we are. We have inherent value and worth. Our successes should be celebrated, not simply compared to the successes of others.

It matters little how much someone else succeeds. What matters is what we achieve.

Your new belief is, “I am worthy, and I refuse to compare myself to others. Whether I achieve ‘a lot’ or ‘a little,’ I am still valuable and worthy.”

In our performance-driven culture, it is easy to feel that we are nothing more than our accomplishments. But nothing could be further from the truth. Our value simply comes from who we are as people.

Yes, it is important to be productive and seek to accomplish our goals. But if we remain so focused on what others are doing and getting,  we will never be happy or content. As Theodore Roosevelt said, our joy will be stolen by comparing ourselves to others.

Action Steps

● Regularly remind yourself that your value is not tied to your achievements.

● Daily affirm that you are enough and that you are worthy.

● Refuse to compare yourself to others.

Affirmation

“I refuse to believe that my value is tied solely to my achievements. I know that I am valuable and worthy simply because of who I am.

Whether I achieve “a lot” or “a little,” I know that I am still enough, and I refuse to fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. The achievements of others have no bearing on my value.

I celebrate my wins without worrying about the accomplishments of others.

I. Am. Enough.”

Next Time

In our next session, we will talk about why we WANT to take responsibility for our own circumstances.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Compare Myself To Others pt 1

We become so absorbed in our flaws and faults that we forget that it is better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

To have flaws is beauty in itself, a fact so frightening that we hurry to hide them from sight and tarnish the whole in the process

of comparing ourselves to others.

Forrest Curran

Previously, we have looked at how criticizing ourselves for our lack of great progress can make us feel like giving up altogether.

Today, we will begin discussing how comparing ourselves to others can make us feel much the same way. Of course, we’ll also share some tools we can use to crush this limiting belief. Let’s see how…

It is all too easy and commonplace to compare ourselves to others. We see the success that someone else is having and then compare that to our own levels of success, or lack thereof. We compare our accomplishments to the accomplishments of others. We judge ourselves by what others are achieving. Or, in this age of social media and hype, what they appear to be achieving.

If someone else seems to be accomplishing more than us, it makes us feel like failures.

We feel like we should be accomplishing at least as much, if not more, than others. And so, we feel terrible about ourselves. As if we don’t have much to offer the world. Like a loser, of sorts. But, life is not a contest. We are each an important piece in the grand scheme of life, and we each have unique roles to play in our small or large chunk of the world.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Theodore Roosevelt 

As we compare ourselves to others, we are allowing their achievements to determine how much joy we feel in life. We give others the power to control us and our emotions.

Rewriting The Limiting Belief

Limiting Belief:

● “I compare myself to others.”

Empowering Beliefs:

● “The achievements of others do not determine my value.”
● “I am valuable simply because of who I am.”
● “What matters most is what I achieve, not what others achieve.”
● “I am more than my accomplishments.”

In order for us to rewrite this limiting belief in our minds, it is essential that we understand that the achievements of others do not matter to us. That is not that they aren’t important. But, it is to say that they do not determine our worth, success, or value. Of course, unless we allow that poison to seep into our minds.

No on can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Elenore Roosevelt

Let that marinate for a while…

Next time we’ll talk about tools to help us put this notion to rest.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: Lack Of Major Progress Means Failure part 2

“We always hope for the easy fix:

the one simple change that will erase a problem in a stroke.

But few things in life work this way.

Instead, success requires making a hundred small steps go right

– one after the other, no slipups, no goofs,

everyone pitching in.”

Atul Gawande

Picking up from last week‘s post, progress is made by small consistent steps. It does not require a grand leap to move us forward. And, we sell ourselves short by not celebrating our wins along the journey. Not recognizing simple, smaller progress robs us of the joy inherent in our journey forward. Of course, the big celebrations should come at the completion of the task or job. But we need to be cognizant of keeping ourselves and others motivated and focused as we inch toward our goal lines.

The Limiting Belief We Want to Let Go Of:

● “Lack of major progress equates with failure.”

More Empowering Beliefs We Can Hold:

● “Small, steady progress is the win.”
● “Small successes add up to progress over time.”
● “I celebrate my victories no matter their size.”
● “Consistency is what matters!”

In order to rewrite our beliefs, we must understand that even the smallest progress on our goals is a win. Small bits of progress on a consistent basis add up over time and lead to larger successes. We may not be making huge leaps of progress on a daily basis, but we must believe that it is okay, or it becomes too difficult to move to the next day, the next step.

We have to stop judging our success by whether we’re making big jumps forward. We can choose to judge our success by our consistency.

Some days we will have trouble being consistent with our goals, but that’s okay, too.

● Stop!!!

● Go back to your action steps.

● Focus on the most important task first thing each day and seek to make a small amount of progress on the task at hand. “First thing” means something a little different for each of us. First thing in the morning if that is when you work best. The first thing you do when you sit at your desk after your morning chat, etc.



Action Steps

● Break down your large goals into very manageable pieces or manageable time frames.

● Each day, seek to get one small element of your goal done.

● Instead of evaluating how much progress you’re making on your goals, trust the process of doing one thing every single day.

Affirmation

I affirm that I am making progress on my goals, even if that progress may seem small and relatively insignificant today.

I choose to celebrate my small wins, knowing that each small win brings me one step closer to my overall goal.

I refuse to criticize myself for what I perceive to be a lack of progress. Instead, I focus all my attention on the steps I am making forward because each small step forward is a victory.

Next Time…

The posts will tackle the trap many of us fall into – comparing ourselves to others. This is another habit that robs us of joy while destroying our confidence. We will share tools to help us break out of this need and realize how valuable you really are.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: Lack Of Major Progress Means Failure pt 1

It is better to take many small steps in the right direction

than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.

Louis Sachar

In our last post, we talked about how all the resources we need to reach our goals are already available to us. Today, we will discover that we do not need gigantic wins to reach our goals – small successes get us there as well. How easy it always is for us to criticize ourselves for a lack of major progress on our goals. We feel that if we are not making significant progress every single day, then we are at risk of becoming a failure. Maybe we have a list of goals that we want to achieve and that list haunts us. It can serve as a painful reminder of all that we have not achieved. So, every day we feel like we have failed. We are inundated with articles and nudges that conspire to make us feel like the truly productive people in the world succeed by making leaps and bounds of progress on a daily and consistent basis. Our limiting belief is that our lack of major progress on our goals means that we have failed. We often fall into a funk, continually criticizing and berating ourselves for not achieving more, and not achieving it faster. For not being more successful. This thinking can leave us feeling frustrated with ourselves and feel like throwing in the towel. Now let’s rethink and rewrite this limiting belief into a set of empowering beliefs. Limiting Belief: ● “Lack of major progress equates with failure.” More Empowering Beliefs: ● “Small progress is a win.” ● “Small successes add up to progress over time.” ● “I celebrate my victories no matter their size.” ● “Consistency is what matters!” We will pick up on this empowered thinking and ways to incorporate it into a healthier mindset next week. Chat soon.

Martina

The Stories We Tell Ourselves: My Resources Are Limited pt 2

Never surrender your hopes and dreams to the fateful limitations others have placed on their own lives.

The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets.

Judge not by their words, but accept advice based on the evidence of actual results.

Do not be surprised should you find a complete absence of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested reality of those who are so eager to advise you.

Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance, joy, love, fulfillment and prosperity in their own lives really have no business imposing their self-limiting beliefs on your reality experience.

Anthon St. Maarten

Today we take the next step from the last blog post, from the mindset that either we do not have enough in terms of resources or that we ourselves are not enough to pursue our dreams and desires. Sometimes these thoughts are purely our own. Too often these limitations come from often well-meaning family and friends, worm their way into our subconscious, and we treat them as gospel. Stop!

Let us switch to more empowering thinking:

● “The universe is full of abundant resources.”
● “There is more than enough to go around.”
● “I can get whatever I need to accomplish my wildest dreams.”
● “I can create more of what I focus on.”

The reality is that we live in an abundant universe that has more than enough for everyone. There is no limit to the resources available if we simply start looking for them and opening ourselves to receive them.

This mindset is called an “abundance” mindset. Instead of believing that there are too few resources available, we choose to view the world as a place that has more than enough to go around.  Instead of dreaming small with limited thinking, we should dream big because we know that all that we need is available.

Our new belief is that the universe has everything we need in order to pursue our biggest dreams and goals.

If we want to receive more from the universe, we have to focus on what we want to receive, make the appropriate changes in ourselves and in our lives, and, believe that we are capable of getting it. Faith is the key!

Action Steps:

When I was much younger, I hear a quote that has stuck with me all my life:

In order to accomplish something different,

you must be willing to do something different.

Nothing changes in our lives without action!!!

That is with repeating. Nothing will change in our lives without taking action!

● Journal: Make a list of all the specific things you need to receive in order achieve your biggest hopes and dreams.

● Instead of focusing on what you do not have, fix all your attention on what you want to receive. You create more of what you focus on.

Affirmation

The universe is abundant. I believe there is more than enough for everyone, and that resources are plentiful.

The people and resources I need to achieve my goals come my way when I need them, and I gratefully and wholeheartedly open myself up to receive them.

I dream big, abundant dreams.

With eager anticipation, I look forward to the future, knowing that it is good and exciting.

Let me know if this series is helpful to you. And, if you have additional ideas about improving or stories of your success in changing your mindset, please share them in the comments.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: My Resources Are Limited pt 1

When we believe there is not enough, that resources are scarce, then we accept that some will have what they need and some will not.

We rationalize that someone is destined to end up with the short end of the stick.

Lynne Twist

Actually, we rationalize that we will end up with the short end of the stick…

In the last post of this series, we conquered the limiting belief that our past controls our future. This post steps even farther out of our past and takes a look at our current circumstances. Do you ever feel like there is something you wish to accomplish, but that your resources are too limited?

If so, this way of thinking assumes that there are only a limited number of resources and options in the world. It operates out of what is called a “scarcity” mentality, which is the belief that there are only so many resources in the world and that most of these resources have already been taken up by others.

This leads us to assume that there aren’t enough resources for us to do what we want to do.

We think to ourselves, “I don’t have enough [time, money, connections, etc.] to achieve what I want to achieve.”

How does this statement make you feel?

Write about it in your journal. Is this what you really believe about the state of your life? Or do you have a kinder, gentler view of the world, your abilities, and your place in it? Share.

Too many of us make the assumption that we are lacking in the resources and options we need, so we fail to take any action. Instead of moving forward, we sit still/ stuck, marking time, and spinning our wheels. We think that in order to take action, we need to have more options at our disposal, such as more time, money, or help from others.

Now let’s rewrite this limiting belief with a set of empowering beliefs and rewire our thinking.

Let’s move away from-  “I don’t have enough resources.”

To more Empowering Beliefs, like:

● “The universe is full of abundant resources.”
● “There is more than enough to go around.”
● “I am able to create more of what I focus on.”

You know the drill…

Spend some time thinking and writing, and next week, we will flesh this out with an action plan.

Chat soon.

Martina

Earth Day: Love Poem for Earth

Earth care, as it turns out, is really about self-care and other-care.

What we design today impacts how we live tomorrow.

For better or for worse, it impacts far into upcoming generations.
 L.L. Barkat

 Love Poem to Earth

We have used you

     as our refuse pile

While pressing you to serve

     our ever-growing needs

You have repulsed our groping

     and tried to corral us

It is us,

     not you

            the problem

We are the creatures

     who must be tamed

Controlled with overheating,

     tsunamis and plagues

Can we transform ourselves

      into what we need to be

Lost beings

     Riding your back through history and time

Can we learn

     To be servants

And save you

     while saving us

You

     Our only home

Our refuge, our sanctum

     For all time

While we still have time

© Copyright Martina Green McGowan, MD

Photo by Ishmeet Kaur on Scopio

Stories We Tell Ourselves: The Past Will Always Negatively Influence My Future part 2

We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.

But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.

Steve Maraboli

Let’s continue our discussion from our last blog post about the impact of the past on the present and future…

We cannot allow ourselves to remain prisoners to our pasts, nor let the negativity or negative outcomes hold us, hostage, and keep us from moving into new areas of our lives.

That would mean that we never feel up to the task of trying anything new. We would always feel like our past is holding us back. Keeping us from our true potential. Standing in the way of any potential successes. Let’s revise the limiting belief into a set of more empowering beliefs.

Limiting Belief:

● “My past will always keep me from creating a brighter future.”

Empowering Beliefs:

● “My past cannot determine what I achieve in the future.”
● “My past is one of my greatest assets.”
● “Lessons from the past make me stronger, wiser.”
● “I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future by looking to the past.”
● “I can learn from my past and adapt and change.”

Failure in the past does not automatically consign us to failure in the future. Struggle in the past doesn’t mean that we will invariably struggle in the future.

In fact, our past can become one of our greatest assets. As we learn lessons from our past, it can make us that much stronger, wiser, more careful, and more diligent about what we choose to do, and how we do things. We have more knowledge, better skills, and new experiences. We can avoid some of the missteps of the past and succeed in the future.

While it is true that the past does influence the future, it always has the equal potential of influencing the future in good ways! Our past can allow us to adapt, change, and become more effective at what we do.

How Do We Move Forward?

Action Steps

● Open your journal. Identify an areas of your past that you feel will negatively influence your future.

● Ask yourself, “How can these elements of my past help me as I move forward into the future? How can they be an asset?”

● Write down every advantage that your past gives you.

Affirmation

I affirm that my past fails to determine my future. In fact, it gives me great advantages. I alone determine my future.

I adapt, change, and evolve in positive ways because of my past. I am becoming a wiser person because of my past and I know that the future holds many good things for me.

I can achieve great things because I am wiser and more skilled than in the past. My past has taught me valuable lessons. I am grateful for these lessons and ready to move on toward the bright future that awaits me.

Looking Forward

In our next post, we’ll talk about using what we already have to achieve our biggest dreams and goals!

Chat soon

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: The Past Will Always Negatively Influence My Future pt 1

Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way,

ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.

Deepak Chopra

In the last set of blogs, we talked about how our failures do not make the determination that we will fail now or in the future. In fact, failures have the potential to bring us closer to success! This post is tied closely to the same idea – that what happened in our past cannot accurately predict our future. That is, of course, unless we give up and allow it to.

If we think that our past predicts our future, this limiting threshold can become particularly pernicious. It has us assume that past events will influence future events only in negative ways. That our past actions have dominance over our present and future actions. That our past holds us hostage for eternity!

Maybe, like me, you have made mistakes in the past and have convinced yourself that those mistakes are going to keep you from achieving the success you desire. Maybe you have tried some things in the past that simply haven’t worked out. Maybe you don’t have a good track record in a particular area.

We can begin to believe that our past actions restrict our options for the future, or that past efforts will interfere with or derail our future efforts.

This kind of thinking gives too much power to our past, keeps us in its grips, and arrests our ability to grow, learn and change!

That means that we don’t feel like we can try anything new. We feel like your past is holding us back. Keeping us from your true potential. Standing in the way of your success.

Rewriting Our Limited Belief

Let’s revise the limiting belief into a set of more empowering beliefs.

Limiting Belief:

● “My past will always keep me from creating a brighter future.”

Empowering Beliefs:

● “My past cannot determine what I achieve in the future.”
● “My past is one of my greatest assets.”
● “Lessons from the past make me stronger, wiser.”
● “I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future by looking to the past.”
● “I can learn from my past and adapt and change.”

To rewrite this limiting belief, it is essential that we understand that our past actions have little bearing on our future. This is not to say that the past does not matter. But our past cannot determine what we can or cannot achieve in the future.

We will chat more next week about how to change our thinking.

Martina

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