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Are your kids feeling you?
It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too.
As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives,
they are watching us to see what we do with ours.
I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun.
All I can do is reach for it, myself.
One of the greatest responsibilities you have as a parent is to ensure your children feel loved, safe, secure and happy.
While every parent knows that their children do not always listen to them, many fail to take into account that they are always watching. You can use this fact to help increase your child’s sense of happiness by remembering that what you do is often more important than what you say.
Kids are especially sensitive to noticing when a parent chooses another person or activity over them. As they grow and learn about the world around them, children naturally assign meaning and value to what they see. When you are too busy for them, they can easily begin to feel that they’re not worthy of being one of your priorities.
Apply these ideas in your household to help your child feel secure, loved, and happy:
1. Emote. Let them know you’re genuinely excited to see them. When you see them for the first time in the morning and after school, ensure they know just how happy you are to see them. Use their name (everybody likes that) and show genuine pleasure. Think about how happy you would be if the person you love the most did the same for you.
2. Demonstrate your priorities. Make sure they know that your work is less important than they are. Most kids are constantly being put off because of work or some other task. Avoid scheduling your kids around your tasks. If at all possible, take care of them first and schedule work around them. This technique shows them how important they are.
3. Teach. Teach your children about the world at home. Don’t assume that everything they need to learn is being sufficiently or properly taught outside of your the home. When it comes to school, just like every other profession, some teachers simply aren’t very good. Help your child with their schoolwork.
Many of the most important things children learn have nothing to do with academics. That’s your responsibility. If you don’t do it, who else will? Their friends who “know” everything? TV and movie role models who can’t keep their own lives sorted out? Sports legends?
Don’t know what to talk with them about? Consider all the things you wish you had known when you were a young adult heading out into the world. Those things would be a great start.
4. Be a role model. Model good behavior. Children assume that the appropriate way to handle a situation is the same way their parents handle it. Are you behaving like a strong, patient, persistent person? How successful and happy will your children be if they handle challenges the same way that you do? Remember, they’re always watching and copying.
5. Rules. Every home needs rules. Let the kids make a few of the rules around the house. People naturally resist and rebel when they feel like they don’t have any control. It can be something small. Perhaps they can choose which days to clean their room each week. Or they can choose what’s for dinner (from choices that you give them). Simple things like this really help.
6. Remove some of the junk from your diet. Limit the amount of media / technology exposure. It’s easy to let the TV entertain your children when your are busy, tired or frustrated. But most parents instinctively know that their kids watch too much TV. As kids get older, cell phones, the Internet, and iPods become the issue. Technology is hypnotic, but it doesn’t make people happy.
Many studies have shown that people that use technology the most tend to suffer from loneliness at a greater rate than those that use it less.
Have fun with your kids. Teach them everything you think they need to know and be a good example. Ensure they feel special and loved. Simply doing your very best is a great place to start.
Thoughts?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/37176081@N02/4880034417/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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Handling criticism with class
“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
Unless you plan to hide inside your home 24/7, you are going to have to deal with criticism every now and then. But make no mistake about it, even if you managed to stay in your house, you would probably still be criticized. You just wouldn’t know about it for a while. Criticism is a part of everyone’s life. Unfortunately, and perhaps sadly, the more significant your accomplishments, the more criticism you will likely have to face.
If you can learn to deal with criticism well, your life will be a lot easier. It should also easier to move forward toward your dreams and goals. Since you’re going to be criticized regardless, it is best to have a prepared strategy in mind for handling your censorious critics and what they say about you.
1. Take a deep breath. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to see something objectively when you’re not emotionally involved and all charged up? This is one of the reasons why it is frequently easier to seek and see clear solutions to your friend’s challenges more easily than your own. So take a moment, and get as calm as you can before you respond to criticism.
Learning to calm yourself down is a skill that you can develop and strengthen with practice. Learn about meditation or other relaxation techniques that can help you get calm quickly. You must first learn how to stay calm in your day-to-day life before you can expect to be able to stay calm in more emotionally intense moments.
2. Ask yourself, “Is it possible this person is right?” Once you have calmed down and are in a good mental place, ask yourself if they might have a legitimate concern or criticism. No one is perfect, so it’s perfectly natural to be wrong about some things.
3. Thank them. This is absolutely the best way to disarm your critics. Simply thank them for the critique. After all, they could have done a lot of other things with their time, but they chose to spend it on you. It really is a compliment if you look at it from the right perspective.
4. Move on. Regardless of whether the criticism was accurate or not, you should move on. After you have gained as much insight as possible from the interaction, simply let it go. Focus on your next task. Avoid wasting time looking backward. Don’t beat yourself up or down trying to relive the past. Go forward.
If they were correct: If the criticism was accurate, look into better ways to do things the next time. It might take some time, but it is wholly worthwhile to ensure that you don’t make the same mistake two or three times. Once you have an improved course of action for next time, get on with the rest of your life.
If they were wrong: If after contemplating the criticism you determine they were incorrect, then simply forget it and move on. There is no reason to dwell on it any longer than it takes to determine if there is some validity to it.
Think about the most successful people you know and notice how they make it a habit to move on quickly. After all, they have more important things to do than stagnate and wallow. And so do you!
5. Positive reinforcement. Every time you receive criticism and handle it appropriately, take a moment to congratulate yourself. Celebrate your success. Any behavior that is rewarded is more likely to occur again in the future. Be proud that you had so much control over yourself and were even able to gain something positive from the experience.
Everyone faces criticism from a variety of sources on a regular basis. It is very challenging to receive criticism gracefully, but there is almost always an opportunity to gain something from it. Learn what you can from the interaction. Try using some of these steps to learn to handle criticism with class and grace. After you have calmly and carefully considered the criticism, you are free to either adjust your strategy or simply dismiss it. Then, you can let it go and move right on to the next item in your life. And, always remember to reward yourself afterward!
What would you add to this list to help learn to work through criticisms more constructively?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thefuturistics/2905016008/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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Looking the part
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is
more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
How you look matters. No, its not fair, but it is true. So, how can you make use of this information?
Look at the people around you. Take a look at your closest associates, friends and family members. Who in you group do you lokk at and think,”They look suuceessful,” or “They look like they have it all to gether all the time.” Does any one of them “look” more successful than the others? In what way do you think their appearance projects success to everyone around them? An important aspect of portraying success is your image. Your image is compiled of your personal appearance, how you behave, and your attitudes. If you want to project success to others, here’s a little help.
Your Physical Body
Take an honest and thorough look at yourself. If you were to see someone whose looked like your, would you see them as successful? Survey these aspects:
1. Your hair. Maintain neat and clean hair. Regular, consistent haircuts and colorings (if you use them) contribute to looking your best. And, no, I am not saying that you need to wear a particular hairstyle, unless its mandated by work. How you wear your hair is an improtant part of your self-expression. I’m just saying that you should take care of it.
2. Overall upkeep of your body. Whether you’re a woman or a man, do you keep nails and cuticles looking healthy and taken care of? Do you apply lotion to banish skin dryness? Taking time for the final touches contributes to your confidence and a successful look.
What changes should you consider making, if any?
Your Behavior
Evaluating your own behavior is a very difficult task. Pay attention to how you act around others-your family members, friends, and co-workers.
1. Overall, how you conduct yourself is the key. Although the meaning of the words, “lady” and “gentleman” has changed drastically over the years, think about how people might view you. If you had to honestly sum up your behavior in one word, what would that word be? Courteous? Rude? Helpful? Mouthy? Funny? Intelligent? Arrogant? Introspective? Smart?
2. Do you express yourself well, verbally? Do you speak with articulation and use proper speech and grammar? How you express yourself can make or break an interview or your image.
3. Do you display good listening skills? A successful person is more keenly focused on listening to what others have to say, rather than trying to do all the talking. The ability to listen is important for those who strive to appear, and be, successful.
4. Stay focused. Make it a point to take care of business. If you use efficiency in your personal and professional lives, you’ll stand a better chance of looking the part of a successful individual.
5. Keep things around you neat and relatively organized. When you can quickly retrieve what you’re looking for and live in a well-taken-care-of home and office, you can get things done more quickly and efficiently. Being neat and organized is often an important aspect.
When it comes to looking successful, your behavioral patterns matters. The manner in which you conduct yourself illustrates your true level of success.
Your Attitude
Finally, your approach to life. Your attitude is an integral part of appearing, and being, successful.
1. Do you think positively? A successful person is compelled to keep move forward in life. Thinking positively makes this possible.
2. Use tact and diplomacy. Make it a goal to use a business-like attitude when approaching others. You’ll accomplish far more this way.
3. Show care and concern toward others. The attitude you portray toward others will contribute to your own success. Treating others as equals and being concerned about them can even draw others to you.
Your attitude is important to appearing successful. Thinking positively, using tact and diplomacy and demonstrating care for others are elements to possess when you’re striving for success.
If you want to be successful, you can get a head start by orking on looking the part. Take care of your body, carefully consider your behavior, and keep positive attitudes. A few tweaks and you will not only look successful, but you will be successful as well, especially in your own eyes.
Thoughts?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23912576@N05/2962194797/sizes/z/in/photostream/
Bend, but don’t break…
No “I” in teamwork…
Where are you going? Who is in control?
“This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well.
Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly.
Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature.
Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you.
Take the power to make your life happy.”
Every single day the sun rises and sets. One more day passes. So here’s the question… On this particular day, did you take a step toward attaining your goals and dreams? Maybe you discovered something wonderful or really enjoyed yourself. However, the other possibility is that you simply let the day slip by pretty much unnoticed.
Maybe days, weeks, or even months pass when you don’t think about your own personal goals. If that’s the case, then the next question you must ask yourself is, “What am I waiting for?”
The good news is that you can start working to achieve your personal and professional desires today. They’re still there. You still have them. They are just waiting for you!
Here are a couple of tips to help you take back control so you can live the life you desire:
1. Review your desired goals and write them down. Just to get yourself back on track, ponder your goals and jot them out. This way, you’ll be completely clear about what goals you still have a desire to work toward. Consider keeping a goal-setting journal .
2. Look at each goal in sequence. What do you need to do first to begin working toward Goal A? What would the next step be that would lead you to eventually achieve Goal A? Once you understand your path, you can follow it to accomplish everything you wish.
3. You are worth it! Acknowledge and accept this. Whatever, time, research, and money it takes to work toward your goals, you deserve it. Recognize this fact and remind yourself of it regularly.
4. Connect with the concept that you are in charge of your own life. The only person who can truly control your choices and decisions is you. How does that make you feel? Maybe it makes you feel a little excited or maybe a bit afraid? It’s okay to have fear. Just do not let your fears stop you in your efforts to accomplish your life aspirations.
5. Stop waiting! Avoid waiting any longer. Don’t let another day go by without doing something to make progress toward your chosen wishes. It’s going to feel good to get moving on your desires. You’ve got the controls in your hands now.
6. Celebrate your successes, even the small ones. Let’s say that on your wish list, you have written that you have always wanted to take a trip to Thailand. Last week you bought an audio CD to begin learning some basic Thai phrases. This week, you started saving $50 and vowed to save that amount each week toward your trip. Good for you! Why not cook up a Thai dinner to celebrate your efforts?
Acknowledge your progress toward your goals by celebrating along the way. Every milestone that you reach will help you realize how important it is to have dreams and desires. It will also motivate you to set your sights higher.
7. Infuse aspects of your life goals into each day. When you begin to focus on fulfilling life goals, you’ll find it necessary to think about them and maybe even talk about them each day. Remind yourself daily about what you’re doing-the progress you’ve made and what you want to do next to get even closer to your dreams.
8. Make a vision board. Cut out pictures that signify your goals and display them where you will see them regularly. On the inside cover of your schedule book, or on the refrigerator or your bathroom mirror. Watch movies with subject matter or settings related to your goals. Keep your endeavors alive in your daily life. Keep the images fresh in your mind and in your vision. We talk about how to do this here.
When you stop waiting around for other people or situations to make your life “happen,” you can regain proper control over how you spend your time. Ensure you know exactly what goals you’re working toward and examine each goal in sequence. Visualize it from starting to work on it to finally achieving the end result you seek. Remind yourself that you are worth whatever it takes to achieve.
One of my personal mantras that I have used since I was a teenager is taped to my mirror. It says, “In order to accomplish something, you must be willing to do whatever it takes.”
Notice that it says “you,” not someone else. You! Acknowledge that only you are in charge of your life. Stop depending on other people, things or situations to change your life, and make it what you want it to be. Celebrate your progress toward goals and enmesh and intertwine aspects of your aspirations into your daily life.
Its time to get your act together. If you follow even a few of these tips, you will gain a renewed sense of control and focus over your life. Then, you’ll spend your days achieving your dreams, desires, and goals, instead of letting them slip by.
Thoughts?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/curtisperry/6825942197/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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Author interview: Bless These Lips, Sharla Fritz
Oops. A mouth mishap. The words just slipped out, and there is no taking them back. Words are powerful. They can build up or tear down. They can affirm and teach or criticize and condemn.
By God’s grace, a mouth makeover can improve our relationships and affect our attitude toward life. Our words can enrich our connection to God as we spend more time in prayer and praise. Most important, God desires that we use the gift of speech to give Him praise, encourage others, and verbalize our faith in Christ as Lord and Savior.
Bless These Lips: 40 Days of Spiritual Renewal examines things we say that get in the way of our relationships with God and with others. Each chapter draws on lip product analogies and uses humor, anecdotes, and observations to introduce Scripture passages that address common behaviors and attitudes.
Interview with author, Sharla Fritz
Why did God prompt you to write this book?
I began writing Bless These Lips because I was the one who needed a Mouth Makeover! I always seemed to be putting my foot in my mouth and I was tired of the steady diet of sock lint and shoe leather. I wanted my words to be the kind that built other people up, but instead I often used ones that tore them down.
So I studied what the Bible had to say about our words and read other books about interpersonal communication. I learned so much and decided to share how each of us can make a difference in our worlds through what we say.
In your own words, what is a “mouth makeover?”
A mouth makeover could be a visit to the cosmetics counter where you walk away with multiple layers of lip liner, lipstick, and lip gloss. You’ll look fabulous for awhile, but that mouth makeover only lasts until your next cup of coffee.
A true mouth makeover is a transformation of your speech. This Mouth Makeover begins with God’s grace and forgiveness as He scrubs off the guilt of our harmful words. The makeover continues with the use of the Lip Balm of Encouragement, the Lip Liner of Truth, and the Lip Gloss of Thankfulness. This type of mouth makeover can last eternally as God enables us to use our words to share His grace.
I think everyone can relate to struggling with what come out of their mouths. How could doing this study help?
How true! As women we love to talk—and so our mouths often get us into trouble! Ann Landers has a great quote, “The trouble with talking too fast is that you may something you haven’t thought of yet.”
Recognizing our love of words, this study approaches the topic with a sense of humor and combines it with fun lip product analogies. First you’ll assess whether you’ve been wearing the shades of Motormouth Mocha or Foot-in-Mouth Fuchsia too often. As you go through the study you’ll learn to wear the Shade of Grace and the Lip Sealer of Discretion more consistently.
Who will take the most away from this book?
I think anyone who wants to have more control over her words and anyone who wants to make a difference in her world would benefit from this book.
Often we think we need to do something monumental to change our world. But while I was pursuing my own Mouth Makeover, God showed me that I can make a difference by simply noticing hurting people in my life and offering words of kindness and encouragement. We can all change the lives we touch every day by simply providing a caring word or a listening ear.
What one thing should potential readers know about this book?
The most important message I would like readers to take away from this book is: God has given each of us a unique mission to speak His words of love and grace to a lost and discouraged world.
We may sometimes question the purpose of our lives, but God has placed each one of us in a strategic place in time and space to be able to use our words to bring others closer to Him. When I keep that in mind, it changes my heart and what comes out of my mouth.
Tell everyone a little more about yourself.
I’m a Christian speaker and author who loves to communicate the truth of God’s transforming grace. My first book Divine Design leads women to a spiritual makeover.
I live in the Chicago suburbs with my amazing, amusing husband. Together we shared the adventure of homeschooling for 15 years with our two children. They are all grown up now and live an average of 3500 miles away. Our son lives nearby, but our daughter and her husband live inChina(and they had the audacity to take our grandchildren with them!)
In my other life I am a church musician and piano teacher. I love traveling (especially toChina!), going out to lunch with friends, and reading. If I’m not sitting at the piano or my computer you might find me at the thrift store stalking fabulous fashion finds.
Anything else you’d like to share about this book?
This book shares stories of my own struggles with my mouth, but it is also an in-depth Bible study. When I began my quest for a Mouth Makeover I was amazed at how much God had to say on the subject. In the book of Proverbs alone there are 108 verses on our lips, mouths, and tongues! God thinks our words are important.
You can connect with Sharla at:
Website: www.sharlafritz.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sharlafritzauthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SharlaFritz
Twitter Party
You are also invited to the BLESSTHESELIPSPARTY on Twitter on Friday, October 19, at 8pm Central (9 Eastern, 6 Pacific, 7 Mountain). The hashtag for the party is #BlessTheseLipsParty. There will be tons of giveaways including an amazing collection of goodies from Mary Kay as well as more copies of Sharla’s book. Here is a link to view the prizes, http://www.cindybultema.com/2012/10/01/bless-these-lips-incredible-giveaway/
The prize package includes:
- a signed copy of Bless These Lips
- a pretty cosmetic bag with lip balm, lip liner, and lipstick
- a handmade bookmark
- a $15 Amazon gift card
- a framed print of a quote from the book “God has given you a unique mission to speak His words of love and grace to a lost and discouraged world.”
To win a great prize package you may leave comments on this blog or at Sharla’s blog: www.SharlaFritz.com.
8 Easy ways to converse better
There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for.
And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.
James Nathan Miller
Knowing how to make lively conversation will enrich your personal and professional life. Oral communication plays an important role in how we learn about each other and draw closer to other people. Here are some methods to help you create better dialog.
1. Listen. Spend plenty of time listening to other people. You will probably notice that find that you need to talk less if you listen more. Strike a balance between the amount of time you spend talking and the time you spend listening. Give others a chance to contribute to the conversation.
2. Compliment. Offer others sincere compliments. Heartfelt compliments will warm up any exchange. Feel free to let other people know that you recognize their good qualities and the positive impact they make, and that you appreciate them and their skills.
3. Be observant. Watch how others respond. Strive to be an astute observer. If people are fidgeting or yawning, it could be a sign of boredom. Perhaps it is time to consider changing subjects or draw your chat to a close.
4. Like-mindedness. Seek out compatible people. Even if you’ve got some unusual, or odd interests and views, you can always find some kindred spirits. Find a fellow cat lover who will commiserate over how to please a finicky eater, or a rafting enthusiast to exchange adventure and war stories with.
5. Prepare. Provide background information for whatever you are trying to communicate. People will be more receptive to unfamiliar subjects if you start at the beginning. Fill in the facts so it’s easier to follow what you’re talking about.
6. Body language. Open up your body language. Friendly gestures and confident eye contact make you appear much more likable and interesting. Stand up straight and uncross your arms and legs.
7. Speak clearly. Slow down and articulate your words clearly. Everything sounds better when you avoid mumbling. Holding your head up automatically makes you sound more energetic and warm.
8. Improve your vocabulary. Increase your word power. The bigger your vocabulary, the easier it is to select the precise words to convey your message. You’ll make a better impression and sound more persuasive.
What additional advice would you offer to someone to improve their conversational skills?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/redcarpet/126492394/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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13 Life and Leadership Lessons from “The Green Lantern”
The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world,
who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life
for men to see by.
I don’t usually watch a lot of television, but I have recently had an opportunity to practice a little escapism. I watched “The Green Lantern” a short time ago, and no, it was not the best on-screen adaptation of a comic book legend. I grew up reading Marvel and DC comics for entertainment, so I “know” most of these guys well.
In any super-hero story, there are always lessons that we can walk away with, once we get our heads past the predictability of the adaptation and the dialog, the customary under-story and back-story, as well as the attempt at over-the-top 3D special effects. Green Lantern is no different.
Here are some walking around business and life lessons from the green guy.
1. Fear is normal. Your job is to overcome it, understand it, walk through it, work through it, figure out how to step around it. Whatever it is you do to keep putting one foot in front of the other… do that! You can try to convince yourself that you fear nothing, but we all do. Learn from it and use it.
2. Sometimes you must stand alone for what you know is the right thing. The right choices are not always going to be the most popular choices. But, you know in your heart of hearts what you stand for, what you believe in and what you must ultimately do.
3. Pay attention when people are trying to tell you something. Even if you think that you already know everything, always be respectful and receptive. You might actually learn something new, or see a new perspective on a problem that you have been dealing with. There is always something to learn in just about every situation.
4. Get training. There is an old adage that, “great leaders are readers.” Never stop learning. Never stop honing and improving yourself and your skills. Be the best! Leave no doubt that you are the best version of you all the time. Stay at the cutting edge of your field. Attend classes, read books, write, talk to other people in the industry, meet new people in other industries.
5. The bigger you are, the harder you will fall… into the sun. No, you won’t fall actually into the sun like Parallax. But, if you let your ego guide you rather than your heart and a little bit of common sense, you will fall. Hard! And, alone.
6. Evil exists; never doubt it. Don’t be naïve, and don’t be stupid. Not everyone you encounter wants to be a member of your personal fan club. Some people are trying to get fans of their own. And, unfortunately, there are people in the world who are never happy about the success of another.
7. Evil, when it comes to your door, will probably look a lot like the good stuff. Don’t get it twisted. Not everyone who smiles and gives you a glad hand, wants to see you succeed. Another old adage, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”
8. Be the leader. We are often chosen or thrust into leadership, even when we do not actively seek it. We are all leaders, even if we only lead ourselves through the day. But, people follow your lead and are interested in what you have to say. This is especially true when you can demonstrate that you understand the big picture, can make plain the greater vision, can nudge people back on course, and can often do all of these things without the benefit of a title. Don’t take people’s follow-ship for granted. Be a considerate and conscientious leader.
9. Peace and justice are a leader’s responsibility. With or without a title, you stand for what is right. You are a peacemaker by nature, and a peace keeper by choice. Everyone should leave your presence feeling that they have been served and treated well; even if they didn’t “win.” Use your leadership influence wisely.
10. You character is always on display. People are always checking out what you do, both on and off the job. They are looking to see if you have core values and if your adhere to what you say you believe, all the time.
11. You have to wear the uniform. Most of our jobs come with some type of “uniform.” When you were much younger and more concerned with “doing your own thing,” it was okay to continually buck against the system. Now that you work, whether for yourself or for someone else, you are expected to have a certain image. Your image no longer simply reflects your personal sense of fashion or style choices, but they are symbols of who you are, what you think of yourself, and are representative of your business affiliations.
I had a recent event for work, and some polo-style shirts were provided for us by the event planners. I thought the shirt made me look like I should be on my way to work at Micky D’s, but I wore it anyway. It was the corporate image dress of the day. And, ultimately we all should show ourselves to be team players, even if we are the leader of the team. Right?
12. Don’t waste what you have been given. We are all tremendously blessed and graced. You have much to contribute to the world. Don’t sit on your gifts, and don’t wait forever to use them. A world that needs changing and needs your help is waiting for you to “arrive.”
13. Get your own motto or mantra. Even it is not formalized in your mind, everyone lives by some kind of oath or truth or mantra. Here is Green Lantern’s:
In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil’s might,
Beware my power… Green Lantern’s light!
Maybe you can use this one to help forge your own mission statement. Live long and prosper. Oh, that’s someone else…
Who is your favorite super hero, and what valuable life or leadership lesson did you learn from them?
Photo Credit: uubergeek via Compfight cc
photo credit: http://www.greenwallpaper.org/backgrounds/Green-Lantern-2011-413286.jpeg
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