We all have people, things and situations in our lives that we don’t want there. We feel powerless, but we are not. They take away our sense of self, our self-control and our peace of mind. We know this, so let’s try to get some perspective on how to move forward.
What gets to us is the words. Words that are spoken, written and sometimes even implied.
What do I mean by this last one? Many of us suffer under the burden of psychological abuse. We live with an unspoken downgrading of our esteem, our worth, our intelligence, our parentage, our skills, etc. This constant undermining of our self-esteem and our self-worth can cause long-term and widespread damage. You’ve heard it said before, and it is true:
Hurt people hurt people!
They hurt themselves and they hurt other people. So, let’s get some ground rules that can help us navigate the onling and ther real world. The Apostle Paul lends us a hand here.
Before you say or write something, think…
Before you accept the words that someone is saying, writing, thinking about you, or trying to make you think about yourself…THINK.
- Does this add value to me? Increase my knowledge? Stroke my ego? Lift me up?
- Is it noble? Do these thoughts or statement place a high value on all people? Or are they just putting us down, degrading someone else, or trying to knock someone you admire off their pedestal?
- Is it right, just or ethical?
- Is it lovely? Or is it just ugly, rude, crude, vulgar, vile, or vindictive? Is it uplifting and encouraging?
- Is it Admirable? Is this something that I think others would look at and say, “I want to think just the way that you do”? Would you have a problem with people that you truly respect thinking the same thoughts that you are thinking right now?
- Is it Excellent? Is this important, top of the line, useful, or meaningful?
- Is it praiseworthy? If others knew what I was thinking, would they praise me for it? Would they praise me for the actions that will come from those thoughts?
- Is it helpful? Am I learning something new? Or, is there an opportunity in this exchange to teach someone else something new or offer a new perspective?
- Will I pass this along, and share it with my friends or colleague? Or will I need to hide it in my secret stash, and share with only a few secret friends?
- Does this support my values?
- Do I even freaking care? Do I care what this person is saying? I have the choice to engage or to let it float on by.
In the world of social media, like Twitter, Facebook, etc, there is a simple solution:
…DELETE… BLOCK…DISENGAGE… JUST SAY NO!
It tends to work pretty well in real life too. You can never choose or dictate what other people will say or do. You can however govern what your responses will be. You cannot delete them, but you can hold them at arms length, you can set new boundaries, you can make new rules of engagement. You are not powerless. And, you are never alone.
YOU HAVE WORTH!
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