Gazing Into the Past…
7 Ways to Use Habits to Reach Your Goals
Sometimes when I consider what tremendous
consequences come from little things. . .
I am tempted to think. . .
there are no little things.
We all have dreams we’d like to see come true, and goals we’d like to achieve. One of the keys to reaching any goal, especially if it is a new one, is to put habits in place that support the fulfillment of your goal. If your current habits are not working for you, or are working against you, you will need to change them or run the risk of coming up short and disappointing yourself more than anyone else.
How do habits help us reach our goals?
1. Identify your goal(s)
The first step is to clearly and specifically identify your goal (s). What is it precisely that you want to achieve, and more importantly, why do you want to do this thing? The question that only you can answer is, “Why is this goal important to me?”
Is the goal achievable? Obviously the answer is yes, or you would have stopped reading already. So, pick a goal and…
2. Write it down
Writing out your goals helps you to clarify them. It also gives your mind a focal point.
3. Develop supportive habits
Suppose your goal is to run a marathon. If you don’t already have the habit of running regularly, you are very unlikely to be successful until you can adopt that habit. Running regularly can help you attain your goal in several ways, including getting you into much better physical shape and strengthening your endurance.
Developing supportive habits is much easier than most people think and far more powerful than most can imagine!
4. Identify the habits you need
Before you can create new, effective, and positive habits, you will want to figure out which habits are going to help you get to your goals. For every goal, there are habits that can practically guarantee success. Reflect on your goals and what real and do-able actions you can take to help bring them about.
How do I choose the right habits? I’m glad you asked…
- Look for daily habits. Habits that you can practice each day are much easier to put into place and keep than those that are less frequent.
- Keep it simple. The more complex the task, the less likely you are to stick with it. If you really do need to implement a complex habit, start with a simpler version and then add more complexity on to it later. Break your tasks down into simpler steps, and add as you achieve the smaller successes.
- Be specific. It is not enough to just specify what you are going to do. Your written goals should also include the how, when, and where as well. Time is always a critical element when creating a new habit. Be sure to specify a precise period of time in which you wish to implement the new actions. Set a deadline!
Saying or writing something like, “I’m going to exercise 1 hour per day” is insufficient. “I’m going to swim from 6-7 am, Monday through Friday at the YMCA” is much more focused. This has enough detail to be quite clear about what you want to accomplish and includes the how, the when and the where.
5. Prepare for interference
There are usually obstacles to creating new habits and behavioral patterns. Try to figure out and be prepared for these possibilities ahead of time so that you can eliminate them as quickly as possible.
For example, if you have decided that you’re going to eat a healthy breakfast every day, get rid of all the breakfast junk food in your pantry and freezer. Give it away. That junk food is an obstacle to successfully implementing your new and healthier habit. It is a whole lot simpler to reach for something quick then it is to check and prepare the night before. But the something quick habit is not supportive of your goals, is it? Back away.
The biggest obstacle for most of people is time interference. Maybe your family doesn’t usually leave you alone for 30 minutes every night so that you can meditate, write, read, or whatever it is you want to do toward your goal. Simply let them know ahead of time that you need be a short undisturbed period of time.
Let the people around you know what you are trying to accomplish. Enlist their aid. It would be great if you could all do it together, but not if that will be a hindrance.
6. Look for deeper supporting habits.
When you have determined which supporting habits will help you reach your goal, consider going even deeper into the details to find habits that will help you accomplish your other new habits.
For example, if one of your new habits is to make it to the gym every morning by 6:00 am, you will need to develop several supporting habits to help you establish this habit. Things like:
- Getting out of bed by 5:15 am.
- In order to get up at 5:15 am each day, you may need an additional habit of always being in bed by 10:00 pm.
- Another supporting habit might be to pack your gym bag the night before. Get your special workout shoes, weight gloves, written routines, water, lucky towel, iPod, and headphones…..whatever it is that makes this new habit work well for you, ready.
These supporting habits are monumentally important. Take time to think about what additional habits you can develop to support your efforts.
7. Enjoy automatic success
Once an action becomes a habit, you will begin to do it automatically, without having to make the decision to do it each time. In other words, you will automatically move forward, day after day, toward achieving your goal until you finally reach it.
Just as those counter-productive habits can keep you from success, supportive habits can practically guarantee your victory. So reflect carefully on the habits that will best support your goals, put them into action on a daily basis, and enjoy your new success!
Thoughts?
photo credit: http://www.bing.com/images/search?=public+domain+goal+picture&view=detail&id=1EEE71CB35704B20A9B0C90923B7AF43F2630473&first=121&FORM=IDFRIR
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Find Remedies
6 Steps to Getting What You Want
Don’t wait until everything is just right.
It will never be perfect.
There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.
So what. Get started now.
With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger,
more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and
more and more successful.
What is Success?
Success means different things to different people. The word itself has a fairly simple definition. It means outcome or result.
So the question that you need to pose to yourself then is, “Are you getting the results or outcomes you had hoped to achieve” Either you are moving forward along the right path toward your intended goal, or you have been diverted along the way. And, whatever you have already accomplished, there is always another interesting-looking mountain to climb. If you’re looking for more achievement, you can improve your life radically with a few simple changes.
Getting on track
I am going to offer several simple and obvious suggestions to you. We all know these things, but every now and then we need to be reminded of them. We also need to be prompted to be conscientious in our pursuits to make them part of our daily habits. Although these suggestions are straightforward, most of them will still require constant attention for a time until they become habitual or automatic.
Action Steps:
1. Set goals
Your mind is tremendously good at finding solutions. You can help yourself a lot by doing a good job of outlining and prioritizing your objectives. The simplest way to do this is to write down your goal(s) and include a deadline. Now your mind, both waking and sleeping, knows what to work on and when to have it accomplished. Read over your goals at least twice a day to provide mental emphasis that they are important. Everyone knows how easy it is to get sidetracked by life’s distractions, those real and imagined, and forget all about your goals and plans.
You will be amazed how well you can keep on-track when you know where you are headed.
2. Get organized
Yes, I’m going to talk about making lists. Lists are important so that you have something to refer to as you progress. Many people suggest reviewing lists in the morning to set the tone for the day. Personally, I have found that I do much better by making and reviewing my lists at night. Before I go to bed each night, along with picking my clothes, and making sure my briefcase is packed, I make a list with all the things I want to accomplish the next day. Doing this at night gives your brain a chance to work on things while you sleep. Also, you will feel much better when you can start your day with a clear set of objectives instead of spending time trying to figure out what to do or where your stuff is.
I have found that my subconscious mind can work out solutions that I could not see clearly in the rush and noise of the day. So, along with making and reviewing the list before bed, I also keep a pad and pen/pencil on my nightstand. If I think of something fantastic at night, I can scribble it down and have it available in the morning. Plus, I don’t have to lose sleep trying to hold it in my mind until daylight.
3. Fix your attitude
People who are happy, content and successful usually have a positive attitude. That’s what allows them to move forward assuredly and with confidence. This is not the same as acting. I am talking about being! Minor challenges don’t bog these guys down because they believe that things will work out well in the end. They are also keeping the broader, bigger picture in mind, so minor challenges are just that…minor. And minor things can usually be easily bypassed or overcome. For example, you say you want to be healthy. Do you have a positive outlook about that? Your attitudes must be congruent or in-tune with your objectives.
Everything starts on the inside. Seeing outside changes in your life takes time and work.
4. Spend time with successful individuals
It is no secret that you will often achieve about as much as the people with whom you spend the most time. If you want to be successful, affiliate as frequently as you can with people who are more successful than you.
One of the potential benefits of this is that you will be exposed to a completely different way of thinking and interacting with the world. Successful people look at many things differently than those who are less successful. Integrating some of these ideas into your own thinking will likely bring you more successes of your own.
Secondly, you’ll be exposed to new opportunities. High-achieving people frequently have all kinds of projects going on. You never know when they might need a helping hand. You may also get to connect with their peer group, who are likely to be very successful as well. This applies to your real life face-to-face contacts, but also to your social media connections. And, no, I’m not talking about stalking Bill Gates to hang out. Most of us rub shoulders with people who are smarter, more successful and think differently than we do in many ways. Open up your mind and life to some new contacts who aren’t doing the same “old thing” you have been doing.
5. Be Helpful
Offering your services and being helpful to others will attract like-minded people into your life. It shows that you have a loving nature as well as an open heart and mind. Doors and opportunities will open for you, but your best reward is in knowing that you are capable of making a difference in the life of someone else. And these need not be grand, over-the-top gestures. Just be yourself and reach out.
6. Make time to play
Play is an essential part of your growth and development. It affords you opportunities to relax, try new skills or activities and bond with those you care about. You should never find yourself so busy or so focused on your journey to success that you sacrifice those you love to it or for it!
These 6 simple ideas can bring you tremendous power, if you choose to use them to your advantage. And when you really stop to think about is, being successful is really no more challenging than being unsuccessful. Both require specific actions and attitudes applied consistently over a period of time.
Make some changes in your life and in your thinking today and give yourself the gift of success…however you define it.
Thoughts?
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/39287453@N03/3612149144/sizes/m/in/photostream/
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How to Lead with Integrity
If you have integrity, nothing else matters.
If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.
Alan Simpson
Are you integrated, dis-integrated or just dis-interested?
In some respect we are all leaders. If you lead no one else in this life, because of the fact that we are born with free will, you lead yourself. You also lead your family members, and often you will have opportunity to lead groups of people at work. Frequently we are unaware of the impact that we have on people’s lives. The most important aspect of your roles as leaders is to be consistent and integrated. What do I mean by integrated?
Do all of your pieces fit together?
Do all of your pieces fit together, or is there some part of your leadership that is out of joint? Your thoughts, should match your core values, which should match what you say and all of this, of course, should match your walk. Your walk is simply the way you go through your daily life. How you act, how you speak, what you speak about, how you do things, what you choose to do…everything. How often have you seen a leader who has been successful at guiding others by saying one thing and then doing something completely different? Not very often, right? That because it just doesn’t work!
People learn a great deal more about you by watching the way you act than they ever do by listening to the words you speak. What is at work in our hearts and minds will eventually show through our actions. When you try to teach principles without also modeling them for people with the right behavior, those principles will eventually fall by the wayside for those you are trying to instruct, as well as on a personal level. When you are in positions of authority, whether it is interacting with your teenagers or sitting in the corner office, it is of utmost importance to lead by example if you expect to gain any measure of compliance.
What happens when you are dis-integrated?
What happens when you try to teach certain life principles to people, but allow your own actions to demonstrate otherwise? Three things:
- Those people you expect compliance from will very quickly learn to resent you, especially if the principles you are teaching are a challenge for them to perform or difficult for them to incorporate into their own behavior.
- You run the risk of gaining a negative reputation as an ineffective leader or teacher as you continue to lose sight of the very actions you wished to teach. You lose credibility.
- There will be dissension in the ranks. Cases of rebellion will continue to grow as more and more people feel they’re being dictated to rather than being led. From here it continues on a downward slide: defiance, disobedience, resistance, undermining of your authority, and finally mutiny.
Importance of Integrity
- People learn to support principles based on results. For example, if you are teaching honesty, when people can observe for themselves that you can gain the trust of others by being honest, they will likely get on board with the program because they begin to see the benefits of being honest themselves. If on the other hand you are teaching honesty, and you are frequently caught in lies, a totally different lesson emerges.
- People actually understand the principles. Just saying principles, or hanging them on the walls of your office, is rarely enough. In fact, most people come into situations and jobs with their own ideas of what is to be expected of them, which is probably different than what you expect them to produce, based on their background and education.
- It brings cohesion and cooperation to your team. The whole team is working with the same or similar expectations. When everybody is on the same page, processes, departments and even families run much more smoothly and cohesively.
- Respect. When others can see that you are fully complying with the principles we are teaching, you will ultimately gain their respect and trust.
How do you start?
If you think your leadership style is unstable, or your ethics compromised, take a deep breath, stop, and reassess.
Write down your goals. It is a very easy place to begin when you can clearly write out your expectations. This will also help to make it clearer to you what you want. You have heard it said before that, “knowing is half the battle.” Well, it’s the easiest half. It takes a lot of effort to really walk your talk and to practice the behaviors that you want others to imitate. But you can get started practicing this positive principle on a daily basis with only a small amount of effort.
Start with the smallest circle of influence you have.
- Give yourself the opportunity to impart morals and good belief systems on your immediate family and close friends. Generally speaking, if you cannot get any of these people on board with your program, then outside success seems less likely…Generally speaking.
- Tackle the principles one at a time. People will not respond well to a whole new set of rules and behaviors dumped on them all at once. Break it down into manageable and do-able tasks.
- Work hard at allowing it to become an integral part of your own everyday life. New habits take time to develop, so you must be diligent.
- Celebrate and reward all successes. Be uplifting when you talk about the wins and the “almost-wins.”
- Once you have mastered one, and then move on to something else. But remember, it’s vitally important that you to be able to give testimony to the fact that there is actually greater benefit to adhering to that particular principle than not adhering to it. There is a certain element of fulfillment when you can show others just what kinds of actions, thoughts and behaviors contribute to a better, more wholesome and less stressful outcome.
Walking the talk, being integrated, having integrity is a lifelong journey, and a full-time commitment. There will be times that you will fall below your own expectations and the principles you aspire to uphold. However, what’s important is that you recognize it and take the necessary steps to get your integrity back on track as soon as possible!
Thoughts?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lumaxart/2137737248/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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8 Simple Ways to Be a Better Friend
The only reward of virtue is virtue;
the only way to have a friend is to be a friend.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Relationships
We have been talking about relationships for the past few weeks. I don’t know about you guys, but I have had many acquaintances in my life, but relatively few that I hold in my heart as true and close friends. And, I am sure the same is true for how people feel about me. Even the most solitary of us need friends in our lives because it gives us gives us some balance and someone to turn to when we’re feeling lonely, in need a listening ear, or just want someone to celebrate with us. If you’ve ever had a really great friend, you’ve noticed all the things they did with you, for you, and on your behalf.
Whether you’re learning to be that kind of a friend yourself or just concerned that you need to polish up your “good friend” skills, here are a few ideas that will help you establish and maintain positive, fulfilling friendships. Because let’s be honest, if you aren’t both being served by and in a relationship, it isn’t going to go the distance.
Getting Better
Here are a few suggestions for nurturing our friendships.
1. Just like in most areas of our lives, listening is the key to meaningful and useful communication. Be a good listener. We all have had times when we just need to vent our feelings or frustrations. When we make the decision to listen rather than offer feedback or suggestions, we are practicing one of the most important behaviors a good friend can do. Keep your ears, mind and heart open.
2. Support your friends. Truth, trust and honesty are most assuredly the cornerstones of any healthy friendship. However, there are times when honesty is less helpful than providing emotional support. Let your friend know you’re there for him and that he can call you at any time. There will be times that we must choose between being empathetic and sympathetic, and being “right.”
3. Always honor your commitments. Have you ever had friends who sometimes show up 5, 10, 20, 30, 45 minutes late, or not at all? Or even a few who are chronically late? It is important that we become someone our friend can always count on. Be dependable and predictable in your friendship. Doing so will ensure you’ll never have a shortage of people who care for you. We honor people by respecting them, their stuff and their time.
4. Spend time together. Make time for your friend. Make an appointment if you need to; use your calendar or smart phone. Do something fun, have dinner, paint the living room, work on the car, or just hang out. A good friend wants to be together and makes time in their busy schedule to do it. Be creative in the planning of activities and you’ll make great memories together.
5. Avoid offering criticism. Providing criticism to someone you care about rarely turns out well in the long-run. Even though you may have formed an opinion on something your friend said or did, it’s probably best to refrain from telling him of his errors. If the occasion arises that they ask you directly for feedback on a situation where you believe they have made a mistake, choose your words very, very carefully. Saying something like, “I might have done it another way” sounds less critical and more helpful than, “You shouldn’t have done it that way.” People need to have the truth spoken into their lives, but we must tread carefully, or they will shut down and refuse to hear anything being said. Always remember to speak the truth in love.
6. Keep your friend’s secrets and problems confidential. Although this should be an obvious point, it is often the most difficult to put into practice. Under no circumstance should you reveal anything about your friend to others who ask, even if one friend puts you on the spot regarding another.
7. Avoid dumping all your life’s concerns and challenges on your friends. Confiding in each other is important, but try very hard to refrain from using your friends only for venting about your own negative feelings and situations.
8. Keep the energy surrounding your time together as positive as possible. Moderate your conversations so the friendship doesn’t get too bogged down with frustrating or negative energy. If it begins to feel like you are only talking about negative stuff when you’re together, try setting time limits. For instance, say something like this: “For 15 minutes I’m going to talk about my frustrations with work. For the following 15 minutes you can vent, and then we can go have some fun.” Respect the time limit you set to discuss your gripes.
Be the Best
Being a great friend will bring you moments of great joy (and sadness), years of comfort, and decades of treasured memories. Try to consciously implement a few of these strategies into your relationships. You’ll feel like you’re the best friend ever and those you care about will begin to think so, too!
A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should. ~ Unknown
Thoughts? What would you add to this list?
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1. Be Authentic
3. Be Sticky
4. Be Mission- and Value-minded
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1. Just Look
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Clever vs Wise
Getting Your Act Together
If you really put a small value upon yourself,
rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Unknown
The most important key to transforming your life is to believe in yourself. Have you ever really given any thought to how much believing in yourself changes the quality of how you feel, and the quality of your life? Without getting this crucial first step accomplished, you cannot sustain the energy or momentum to see things through to their desired conclusion.
Benefits
There are many benefits that come along with having a stronger faith in yourself:
- You see and enjoy the abundance that all of life has, and has always had, to offer you.
- You feel uplifted and more satisfied with yourself and your life.
- Deep down inside, you know that you can accomplish almost anything. You also realize that you are your own biggest stumbling block most of the time. Once faced, you can now deal with that fact honestly, and move forward.
- You will be more optimistic about the future as you continue to set goals and actually achieve them.
- Others can feel your positive energy and will be attracted to you.
- You recognize your ability to accomplish goals.
- As you accomplish some of your goals and dreams, you are more motivated to get more things done, and to dream bigger dreams.
- You will be nicer to yourself.
So, your primary personal goal today needs to be to focus your energy and attention on your qualities of self-confidence and well-being. Today and on a daily basis. The good news is you can do this! There are some specific actions that you can take to fortify, or strengthen, your belief in yourself.
How do you get it done?
Whether you feel like you may be coming up a little short in this area of your life or just want to strengthen your belief for the additional benefits, here are a few suggestions for getting started in the process and to help you continue to move forward.
1. Have confidence in your own abilities to get something done. Be your own best cheer-leading section and encourage yourself to get your tasks done. Learn to break large tasks down into smaller, achievable portions with intentional and do-able action steps. Then, even when times are tough and your spirit may be a little low, you will still know that you can get the job done. If you break things down into manageable chunks, even when you lose our footing, get out of focus or feel overwhelmed, you can still pick up the pieces and go on. You can get back on task, rather than abandoning the entire venture.
2. Create dreams. Whether it’s getting into the dream job or career you want, obtaining more training, hooking up with someone you admire, traveling, or setting a goal to make or save a million dollars, you need to connect your activities with your dreams. Your place of origin, the money you are currently making, and the people you hang out do not have to remain perceived stumbling blocks in your advancement. Dreams are often focused on what you want for yourself in the future time. When you believe in your dreams, you can also believe in you!
3. Establish goals and go for it. Believing in yourself means that you are keenly motivated to get things done. Dreams and goals are worthless unless you put some definitive actions behind them. Get into the habit of setting goals; both short-term and long-term goals. Then, you can clearly see what the next step should be. Then you will also be able to take the next action steps to achieve them.
4. Treat yourself well. Treating yourself with a nurturing nature and the understanding that you are a deserving human being is an important aspect of developing belief in yourself. Pamper yourself when you desire it. First, if you don’t treat yourself well, neither will anyone else. Second, recognize and expect that others should treat you with respect and love. Third, if you don’t take care of yourself, you will become more susceptible to stress and burn-out.
5. Keep your motivation high. Remember that old childhood story about the little engine that could? Well, you are the little engine! When you want to accomplish your tasks with excellence and achieve your goals, this can serve as an incredible illustration. Build momentum to fuel your motivation; and keep it going.
6. During the tough times, keep the faith. No one is immune from experiencing rocky periods in their lives. But if you really believe in yourself, you can meet those challenging times with positive, solid fortitude. You will continue to push forward, move through the trying moments and know that you will come out on the other side smarter, stronger and surer of yourself.
7. Recognize the bounty you have. Regardless of what stage of life you are presently living, search for the good all around you. Live every moment to its fullest! Live in a state of gratitude. Look around you for things to be grateful for. You won’t have to look very far. When you live your life in a state of gratitude, your outlook about everything will change. And so will you.
Choosing to believe in yourself is the single most important choice you can make in your life. Practicing these strategies will help you discover the absolute joy and comfort of knowing that you can do whatever it is you choose when you believe in yourself.
What would you add to this list, or what’s been working well for you? I’d love to hear from you.
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Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/neta_gov/3975018263/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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Failure to Thrive
Hair
As you can see in my profile picture, I have dreadlocks. The “why” is a discussion for another day. Today I want to talk about women and their hair. Not really…
When I was a child, my mother braided my hair every night before I went to bed in preparation for the next day of school. Very, very tightly! It was so tight that it would pull at the roots, and the skin, and my eyes. It felt as if she was trying to force the hair to grow, right there on the spot.
Saturday was a little different. On Saturday night, I had the luxury of having it pressed for church the next day. Often she would do this while we were seated in or in our tiny, warm kitchen. Frequently some of my aunts, my grandmother, or some other female family members would be sitting with us. They’d usually talk about “family stuff,” much of which I didn’t understand until years later, the church, the news, or just about anything.
Bonding
With my current locks, I have a good friend that “helps” me with them. I have recently come to the conclusion that all of this “do”-ing is not really about the hair at all. It is about bonding.
During these “interaction,” we stand and sit in each other’s space, in each other’s presence, and in each other’s hearts. And, its not just standing close, we lean against each other in a way that we can at no other time.
And, the leaning is not just physical, its psychological and emotional. We are so close we can feel the heat from each other’s breath. So close we can feel the body’s tension or relaxation. We can feel the laughter, and the tears, even when we cannot see them, and certainly before they reach the surface.
So what?
We live in tumultuous and fast times. Times when people are more attached to their smart phones and computers than they are to other people.
Bonding is an important part of our lives. There have been numerous studies about babies, especially premature babies, who fail to thrive (and sometimes fail to survive) for lack of human touch and interaction. I am not really certain that this need ever really goes away. We all need to be touched.
People need to be touched. I’m not saying that you need to go hug every person you meet, but you do need to be mindful of what may be going on in their little world. There are many lonely and un-touched people in our lives. People who are barely surviving, let alone actually thriving. We need to reach out and touch the lives of others. That’s what we are all here for.
Just a touch can make someone’s day or lift their spirit. I’m not talking about a huge monetary gift. I am talking about an expression of some kind demonstrating that we are human, and that we notice them. A simple smile, a thank you note, a humorous card, a cheap flower, an unexpected cup of coffee, a handshake, a pat on the back…a touch.
Back to my Mom…that child, snuggled into and sometimes nearly suffocated by her ample bosom, in the heat of our tiny kitchen, knew she was loved, and thrived.
Look around you. There are people around you who need for anybody to do anything to let them know that they are not alone, and that they will thrive.
Thoughts?
photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/illestwill/3543400436/sizes/z/in/photostream/