Martina McGowan MD – Page 5 – life lived by the Book

Stories We Tell Ourselves: The Past Will Always Negatively Influence My Future pt 1

Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way,

ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.

Deepak Chopra

In the last set of blogs, we talked about how our failures do not make the determination that we will fail now or in the future. In fact, failures have the potential to bring us closer to success! This post is tied closely to the same idea – that what happened in our past cannot accurately predict our future. That is, of course, unless we give up and allow it to.

If we think that our past predicts our future, this limiting threshold can become particularly pernicious. It has us assume that past events will influence future events only in negative ways. That our past actions have dominance over our present and future actions. That our past holds us hostage for eternity!

Maybe, like me, you have made mistakes in the past and have convinced yourself that those mistakes are going to keep you from achieving the success you desire. Maybe you have tried some things in the past that simply haven’t worked out. Maybe you don’t have a good track record in a particular area.

We can begin to believe that our past actions restrict our options for the future, or that past efforts will interfere with or derail our future efforts.

This kind of thinking gives too much power to our past, keeps us in its grips, and arrests our ability to grow, learn and change!

That means that we don’t feel like we can try anything new. We feel like your past is holding us back. Keeping us from your true potential. Standing in the way of your success.

Rewriting Our Limited Belief

Let’s revise the limiting belief into a set of more empowering beliefs.

Limiting Belief:

● “My past will always keep me from creating a brighter future.”

Empowering Beliefs:

● “My past cannot determine what I achieve in the future.”
● “My past is one of my greatest assets.”
● “Lessons from the past make me stronger, wiser.”
● “I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future by looking to the past.”
● “I can learn from my past and adapt and change.”

To rewrite this limiting belief, it is essential that we understand that our past actions have little bearing on our future. This is not to say that the past does not matter. But our past cannot determine what we can or cannot achieve in the future.

We will chat more next week about how to change our thinking.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: Past Failure Means Future Failure pt 2

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone.

Close the door on the past.

You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on them.

You don’t let them have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.

Johnny Cash

We will continue to build on last week’s post, where we talked about letting the past rule our present and future choices. I shared a story about how a misstep at age 7 could have changed the whole trajectory of my life if we, my mother and I, had let it. Certainly, I would like to think I would have made the best of that alternative life, but I am not certain I would have found it as satisfying or fulfilling. I know I would not have traveled as much, moved as often, nor would I have met the many marvelous people who later became friends. It would have been a potentially smaller life.

We have the opportunity, almost daily, at home, and certainly at work to look at new and different directions. We shortchange ourselves if our first thoughts are how poorly we have done in the past, rather than seeing the opportunities before us. Opportunities to learn, to do, to expand our lives and our horizons.

I am not a Pollyanna-type thinker. So no, I am not saying that everything we touch will not work out. But we never know until we try. And I can guarantee that I will learn something every time I step out of my comfort zone.

Old Belief:

“Past failure means future failure.”

New Beliefs:

“My past failures have little bearing on my future.”
“Past failures help me avoid future mistakes.”
“Through old failures I discover ways that do not work for me”
“Each failure teaches me something and brings me one step closer to success.”

The simple truth is that our past failures do not define our current endeavors. Just because we have failed in the past does not mean that we will fail in the future.

Past failures can prove to be an advantage! If nothing else, we discover one way that will not work for us, which means we can avoid that step going forward the next time.

I am sure you have heard the story about Thomas Edison who struggled for years to figure out how to invent a functioning lightbulb. When asked how he kept going despite so much “failure,” he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” It’s important to adopt a similar belief. You haven’t failed in the past.

How Do We Move Forward?

Action Steps

Dig out your journal and write down the ways you think you have “failed” in the past. Determine how each of these failures has brought you closer to success.

Resolve that you will not let past failures keep you from pursuing what really matters to you.

Affirmation

I affirm that each past failure has brought me one step closer to success. I am closer to success now than I ever have been in the past.

I refuse to let my past failures keep me from pursuing what really matters to me.

I am committed to my success, regardless of the past.

Next Time

In the next blog, we’ll discover how we can learn from our past and look forward to a bright future.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: Past Failure Means Future Failure pt 1

Every event has a purpose and every setback has its lesson. I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional, or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards.

Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as the teacher that it is.

Robin S. Sharma

In the last few weeks, we have talked about how time and age do not have to limit us at all! Another story many of us like to find comfort in is, “Once a failure, always a failure.” Let’s unpack this story today and begin to flush it out of our belief system.

If you have ever tried and failed at something in the past, it can become easy to assume that our past failures mean that we will fail again in the future. We accept those past outcomes are guarantees or blueprints for future outcomes. That we are destined to fail at whatever we attempt.

We might be tempted to think, “I always fail at this so why should this time be any different? I am just a failure, a screwup.”

Our limiting story is that our past failure means future failure. We assume that our past fully governs our future. That if something didn’t work in previous attempts, it won’t work in the future.

True story: In the old days, as junior high school approached, we needed to choose academic or general tracts for the rest of our education. I have known what I wanted to do with my life for a long time but had no role model. The academic track required taking a language. I signed up for the academic track but had to get an additional signature from my mother. Apparently, somewhere back in the second grade, I had performed poorly on a standardized test that indicated that I was not up to the challenge of learning a foreign language. This did not make any sense to me, so I petitioned my mother, who acquiesced, signed the papers for me, and the rest, as they say, is history. How different life would have been we/ I had accepted that previous failure as a true indication of my capabilities going forward. This is not to say it has all been easy. But we get to make important choices over and over that can change the course of our lives. And those choices should be based on truth and fact, and not some historical misstep.

Now let’s rewrite this limiting belief into empowering beliefs.

Old Story:

“Past failure means future failure.”

New Empowering Story:

“My past failures have no bearing on my future.”
“Past failures help me avoid future mistakes.”
“I’ve simply discovered a way that doesn’t work.”
“Each failure brings me one step closer to success.”

The simple truth is that your past failures do not have any bearing on your current endeavors. Just because we have failed in the past does not mean that we will fail in the future.

Let that marinate a bit…

Chat next week

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I’m Too Old To Start Something New (part 2)

You are never too old to set another goal,

or to dream a new dream.

C.S. Lewis

Picking up on last week’s theme, let’s continue talking about being too old to try something new.

To begin rewriting this false narrative, we need to realize that being older gives us a little more wisdom about things; if we are lucky and if we are paying attention to life’s lessons. We can have more to offer in many situations, a broader skill set, and more experience.

Here’s the thing:

Our greatest obstacle in life are often ourselves. We get in our own way.
We should seriously think about what we might really be afraid of in any given situation. Are we afraid
- We won’t be good/great/ perfect
- Afraid to try something new/ different
- That time will run out before we complete the task/ master the skill
Next year, when we have not started this new thing, and we will be a year older still thinking about this same burning goal
- We will not have started writing
- Or signed up for pottery (or other) class
- Stepped onto the stage
- Insert your aspiration here: ______________________
What is stopping us? Why are we keeping this story alive?

Let us rethink this limitation that holds us in place and turn it into an empowering belief by honestly assessing what age and time bring to the table of our newest aspirations.

Restrictive Belief:

● “I’m too old to accomplish anything new.”

Empowering Beliefs:

● “My age gives me the benefit of wisdom.”
● “I have gained experience over the years.”
● “I can avoid mistakes that younger people make.”
● “My varied experience will allow me to prioritize and learn things faster.”
● “I’m never too old to learn something new.”

Your new belief system says: “I can start something new at any age. I have the experience and wisdom to achieve anything I want, regardless of my age.”

Action Steps

● Write down all the things you want to achieve.

● Write down any clear advantages you have because of your age. Include your experiences and the lessons you have learned through those experiences.

● Think about the many things you have already achieved in your life and let these stand as encouragement as you try out new things.

● Affirm every day that you are enough!

● Read stories about others who have achieved great things at an older age.

Affirmation

I can start something new at any age. In fact, my age gives me a few advantages over someone younger.

I appreciate the experience and wisdom that age has provided me.

I reject the lie that my age limits me or my growth.

As I look back on my life, I see all the things I have already accomplished, and this instills me with greater confidence that I can achieve new things as well.

Looking Forward

Now that we can see more clearly how to keep time and age from stopping us, we will move on to changing how we think about our failure in the next session.

Chat soon.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I’m Too Old To Start Something New (part 1)

You are not too old and it is not too late

to dive into your increasing depths

where life calmly gives out

its own secret.

Rilke

In the last blog, you talked about the misconception of not having enough time. We also discussed some tools to use to disabuse ourselves of that excuse. There is enough time to do what is important to us. Read that blog post here.

What I am asking as we walk through this series, is that we, myself included, are honest with ourselves and try some new thinking on. Not every “story” will resonate, and every “cure” will not work for each person. But we never know what will work until we try something different. And, if the same old thinking and comfortable stories are not getting us where we want to go, why not try something a little different?

Today, we will expand on the issue of time being insufficient, as we explore how age does not limit us either.

With this thinking, we buy into the belief that to be successful, we need to start young. That the only way to truly achieve great things is to get started at a young age and work and work until we finally achieve greatness at an older age. That we are too old to start new things, reset our careers, begin a new hobby, or job, or aspire to new goals.

We are plagued with feeling that if we tried to start something new at this point in our lives, we would fail. Maybe we want to write a book. Perhaps we want to take up ice skating. Maybe you want to completely change your career. Perhaps you have always wanted to run a marathon.

But as we consider these things, we think to ourselves, “Only young people do these things. I’m simply too old to get started on something this big.”

This belief simply is not true. It needs to be rewritten.

There are tons of famous people who came to their new careers, and fame, much later in life. Joy Behar, of The View, didn’t start her career in show business until she was 40. Vera Wang didn’t start designing clothing until she was 40. Harland Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, was broke until he finally found success at age 65. Charles Darwin published his most famous book, The Origin of Species, at age 50. Morgan Freeman, Kathy Bates, Betty White, Gene Hackman, and many others didn’t really get started until they were over 50.

If they can do it, surely we can too. To rewrite this false narrative, we need to realize that being older gives us more wisdom. We have more to offer, a broader skill set, and more experience than youngsters.

For myself, I didn’t start learning to paint until well into my 30s. And, as I enter a new decade, I have had a book of poetry published, and found a new passion in writing. I am passionately looking forward to what comes next!

Let us rethink this limiting belief and turn it into an empowering one by honestly assessing what age brings to the table of our latest aspirations.

Restrictive Belief:

● “I’m too old to accomplish anything new.”

Empowering Beliefs:

● “My age gives me the benefit of wisdom.”
● “I have gained experience over the years.”
● “I can avoid mistakes that younger people make.”
● “My varied experience has taught me to prioritize and learn things faster.”
● “I’m never too old to learn something new.”

See you next we when we explore ways to break out of this restrictive mindset.

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Don’t Have Enough Time (Part 2)

Last week we started our new series, The Stories We Tell Ourselves and What to Do Instead,” discussing the issue of feeling that we just don’t have enough time. Go here to refresh your memory.

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Don’t Have Enough Time (Part 1)

One of our goals throughout this series is to discover ways to transform some of our more comfortable, least useful age-old stories into empowering stories that will help us move forward in the ways we want.

Today’s Self-limiting Story:

● “I don’t have enough time.”

Alternative Enabling Stories:

● “I have time to complete my most important tasks.”
● “My schedule frees me from the pressures of time.”
● “I refuse to let time rule my life.”
● “I get things done without worrying about time.”
● “I get the things done that are important to me.”

The best way to make these newfound empowering stories real for ourselves is, obviously, to begin our days with a plan that will allow us to prioritize things and work on the thing that matters to you the most FIRST thing in the day, if possible. For you, this may translate into the FIRST thing you do when you get home from work.

This may mean that we take a few minutes at night to plot out the next day’s tasks, and then prioritize them. Or make our list first thing in the morning before the day runs away from us. I have used both these methods but generally find that setting my course the night before helps me make a smooth transition into the morning. By making quick progress on the tasks that matter most, we feel more productive. And we can bury the old story.

Become a Dragon-Slayer

In other words, you “slay” your most important task, your “dragon,” first. We should attack this main, important issue before we get started on the thousand other tasks that vie for our attention. Learn to give your full, undivided attention to the one thing that matters the most to you.

By doing your most important thing first, you rewrite the old story that there is not enough time in the day to work on what matters.

Our new story becomes: “There is plenty of time to do what matters because I work on what matters first.”

How To:

● Write down all the tasks you need to perform each day.

● Organize those tasks by importance.

● Determine your most important task for the day.

● Give all your attention to working on that task until you have completed it or come as close as you can to completion.

● Rinse and Repeat the process the next day. Then the next…

Affirmation

Some people work well with affirmations. Here is a short one. Feel free to type it out and place it somewhere you will see it often. When I use them, I tape them to my bathroom mirror and to my desk so I cannot “avoid” them.

There is more than enough time in each day for me to accomplish the tasks that matter most. I refuse to be easily distracted. I do less important things later, after I finish the task that matters most. I am passionate about getting things done that are important to me.

A word of caution.

Don’t get so locked into your rituals that you cannot change them when they obviously are not working for you. I went through this with my writing recently. I had a ritual that worked marvelously for over a year. But as the ritual started to fall apart, and became stale, I resisted changing it for several months. Now, I have learned to listen to the cues better and become more flexible.

Next Time:

Next time, we will talk about never being too old to start a new project, begin a new journey, set a new goal.

Please leave comments below.

Live (Zoom) Reading on Sunday, February 20, 2022, @ 3 pm EST

Follow the links on the Cultivating Voices page to register for your zoom link. The reading will also be live on Facebook.

Chat soon

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Don’t Have Enough Time (Part 1)

But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to

really play the piano / act / paint / write a decent play?

Yes . . . the same age you will be if you don’t.

So let’s start

Julia Cameron

We tell ourselves stories all the time. So often that we start to believe them, and even find comfort in them, whether they are true or not. In this series, we will look at a few of these stories. Some may relate to your current state of mind and being, others may not. I ask that you investigate them and choose what is useful for moving toward the kind of life you want to live.

Let us start with time.

If you are feeling like most people, you are extremely busy. Way too busy, we often think. We have a ton of projects going on at work, things to work on around the house, people we want to spend time with, the administrative tasks of life, like paying bills, and hundreds of emails to address.

We feel that we are so busy we haven’t the time to attend to the things that are important to us. Time to focus on our dreams. Time to achieve our aspirations. Time to make our mark.

It feels like we are running in a thousand different directions, or in circles, without making any significant progress on any one front.

Put simply, we feel like there is not enough time in the day, the week, the month to do what really matters. We think to ourselves, “If only I had more time, then I could do things I really wanted. If I had more hours in the day, I could get more stuff done.”

And when we look around, we see that all your friends, acquaintances, and coworkers are busy too. So, we learn to accept that this sense of extreme busyness must be the norm.

The story we tell ourselves is that there is not enough time in the day to get things done.

But does this have to be the norm for our lives?

How to Rewrite This Story

Let us try to transform the age-old story that we hold dear, “that there isn’t enough time” into an empowering story.

Self-limiting Story:

● “I don’t have enough time.”

Empowering Stories:

● “I have time for my most important tasks.”
● “My schedule gives me freedom from time pressure.”
● “I refuse to let time rule my life.”
● “I get things done without worrying about time.”
● “I am productive and make the best out of the time I have been given.”

The best way to make these newfound empowering stories work for us is, obviously, to work on the thing that matters to you most FIRST thing in the day.

We will pick up from here next week with action steps and affirmations to replace the notion that there is not enough time to accomplish the things we want to do.

Please put your thoughts in the chat.

See you next week…

Martina

New Series: The Stories We Tell Ourselves, Why We Stay Stuck, and What To Do Differently

There is pain in staying the same

and there is pain in changing.

Pick the one that moves you forward.

Lee Rose & Kathleen McGhee-Anderson

Welcome to our new series on limiting beliefs! Limiting beliefs are those conscious or subconscious convictions, opinions, ideologies that hold us back in some way. They are the ideas that limit us, stunt our growth, keep us stuck. They are the thoughts that keep us from trying to reach for our full potential.

Every one of us has limiting beliefs. Sometimes these beliefs begin in our childhood, instilled by our parents or friends. Other times these beliefs may be the result of some trauma we experience. Sometimes there is no obvious explanation for its origin.

Whatever the case, these beliefs can be very damaging to us. They keep us from pursuing our hopes, dreams, and goals. They make us fearful and hesitant to act. They can even affect our relationships with others.

If we wish to achieve more of what we believe is our true potential, we have to destroy the limiting beliefs that hold in place.

We must be set free from the lies and falsehoods we tell ourselves and that we believe, about ourselves and about the world around us. We have to train ourselves to see things as they truly are rather than as we think they are, or how we think they should be.

As we work through this series, we will look at some of the common destructive limiting beliefs that keep us from achieving all that we want to achieve.

We’ll talk about common ideas around limiting beliefs, how to rewrite them into ones that empower us, specific action steps we can take, and affirmations that will help us crush the limiting belief and instill a new, empowering belief.

This works best if we approach each of these with an open mind and try out the techniques that are offered.

Remember, nothing can happen, nothing has the potential to change until, and unless we take action.

Share your thoughts, insights, struggles and wins with us in the comments. We are in this together!

Ready?

See you next week when we will begin with, “Stories We Tell Ourselves: I Don’t Have Enough Time”

Chat soon…

Martina

Choosing One Word to Bind the Year 2022

Tools of empowerment –

heartset and mindset.

Akosua Dardaine Edwards

The pandemic and the semi-lockdown state of our nation continue. Our political parties seem to have gone off-agenda and are locked in constant battle. But for us common folk, life must, and does go on.

I have not done New Year’s Resolutions for many years, for a myriad of reasons. Some years ago, I started using a single word to try to define and direct the year. A kind of boundary for where I wanted my thoughts and my heart to drift as I continue to try to make the best decisions possible.

My own life has changed outside of the pandemic in the last few years. I retired from medicine and have started writing. Who knew? But if you’ve read any of my posts, you know that I believe that we are all renaissance people with an untold mine of talents we rarely tap. That is why I paint, do pottery, read a lot, and investigate any new fact or idea that catch my interest.

Last year’s word was Embrace. Most of the posts over the course of the year dealt with embracing life as it presented itself to us.

One Word: 2021

This year’s word started out as EXAMEN, but I wanted to broaden it to more than the spiritual aspects of my life, and the lives of those who read. I therefore have moved to EXAMINE.

This year, we will examine our MINDSETS– the ways in which we think, both negative and positive, the limiting beliefs that keep us in place, and beliefs we hold. We will be looking for ways to either embrace them more fully, or ways to improve them. The frequency of writing will also shift a bit, more like a series of lessons and insights. I am keenly interested in your thoughts and insights, so please share in the comment section below…

Life is a journey, and we are always evolving.

Join me on this journey.

Chat soon…

Martina

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Are You Living or Simply Waiting?

We never live;
we are always in the expectation of living.
Voltaire

We have reached the end of one year and the beginning of another.

This post has been delayed because 2021 and I parted ways with a bang. I took a bad tumble on New Year’s Eve Day and have been in recovery mode for a few days. I am still on the mend, sporting a nasty scar on my nose, but all things considered, I am very lucky. Back to the post…

Often this time of year is steeped in sadness about all the things that went wrong, the things we did not accomplish, and things we could have done differently, if not better. Sometimes these are current issues. But they may also be old hurts, wrongs, or losses that have not healed well.

Every ending is a fresh beginning, and we rob ourselves by carrying all the grief from the past into a new day, a new era. Later this year, I will talk about setting goals if that’s what you are into. But, today, I want us to stop, think and celebrate.

Stop yourself amid all the chaos, the buying frenzy, the lockdown worries, the panic of elections to come, all of it. Just put it aside.

Think about our own lives. Lived large on a grand scale, or lived small, we each impact the life of another. We get to choose the impact we want to make. They get to choose how to take the information in and what to use of it, or even to discard it.

Celebrate all wins, even partial victories.

Did you save a few bucks, or maybe just spent a little less than you usually do?

Did you lose a little weight, not gain weight, or only gain a few pounds?

Did you make it to the gym, or go walking with a few friends in a socially responsible way, rake some leaves on any day?

Did you laugh this year?

Did you make someone else smile just by showing up and being yourself?

Did you grow in some way you wanted, or unexpectedly?

Did you learn something new this year, even if it was about yourself?

There is a win, a celebration, in almost every action. And if we can’t find the win, we should look for the lesson. Still a win!

Life is far from perfect for any of us. Perfection is an illusion. But life is also not terrible for many of us, and we need to learn to keep that in perspective.

Every single day is a gift, not a day to be wasted rehashing our failures. To quote a good friend, “Every Day is Day One.”

If you are not regularly feeling some joy course through your veins, then you are just waiting. Only you know what you might be waiting for.

Is every day a grand success? No, of course not! But every day is also not the end of the known universe. Our sun will probably shine again in the morning.

The essence of today’s message:

Every. Day. Is. A. Gift.

Never stop living.

Never stop loving.

Never stop creating.

Never, ever stop learning.

Never stop teaching, mentoring, showing others the way.

Never stop being all you can be, even if it’s different than who you were before.

Never stop giving your all.

Never stop improving.

Always express gratitude

Do not be afraid to show up in a space where you may be the solution.

And, keeping my recent injury in mind, remember that we are finite. Time is of the essence.

Always think well of yourself, beloved!!

You are loved and you are an important piece in this puzzle of life.

Note- Because of our delay, I will share my Word of the Year in next week’s post.

Chat soon.

Martina

« Previous Page

Martina

Old Belief:

New Beliefs:

How Do We Move Forward?

Action Steps

Affirmation

Next Time

Martina

Old Story:

New Empowering Story:

Martina

You are never too old to set another goal,

or to dream a new dream.

C.S. Lewis

Action Steps

Affirmation

Chat soon.

Martina

You are not too old and it is not too late

to dive into your increasing depths

where life calmly gives out

its own secret.

Rilke

Martina

Today’s Self-limiting Story:

Alternative Enabling Stories:

Become a Dragon-Slayer

How To:

Affirmation

A word of caution.

Next Time:

Live (Zoom) Reading on Sunday, February 20, 2022, @ 3 pm EST

Chat soon

Martina

But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to

really play the piano / act / paint / write a decent play?

Yes . . . the same age you will be if you don’t.

So let’s start

Julia Cameron

Martina

There is pain in staying the same

and there is pain in changing.

Pick the one that moves you forward.

Lee Rose & Kathleen McGhee-Anderson

Martina

Martina

The essence of today’s message:

Every. Day. Is. A. Gift.

Martina

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