The way we talk to ourselves can build us up or tear us down. When our inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because we’re repeating things we heard from our parents or other authority figures when we were growing up.
If the criticism goes too far, it can discourage us from trying and taking the joy out of our lives.
We must break free from the voices in our heads, especially the negative ones. Sometimes it can feel like a never-ending struggle. But there is hope. Here are some techniques that show that there is more than one way to make peace with our inner critic(s).
“The constellation of our fears manifests as the Inner Critic.
This psychological construct can trick us into believing the very worst
about ourselves and our ability to create
or do anything else of value in the world.”
Denise Jacobs
Make Friends with Your Inner Critic
Our inner critic will sound less scary if we remember that it wants to protect us from failure and other possible dangers. One of the keys is to learn how to put it to work for us instead of against us.
1. Increase your awareness. You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly notice what it’s saying to you. Start changing this relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.
2. Examine at the past. What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There is often one voice that stands out. There may be some family issues or other matters that need to be healed before we can move on.
3. Focus on growth. Maybe the inner voice says you are bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. I had a similar experience with a standardized test that I don’t even remember taking in the second grade. It somehow signified that I wasn’t qualified for language classes or advanced math. It required extra paperwork and signatures for me to move forward.
We are not stuck in our past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want if you’re willing to work to get there.
4. Set your sights higher. You may also find our inner critic easier to deal with if we keep a deeper purpose in mind. When we are working for something bigger than ourselves, we can much more easily accept a few self-doubts without being overcome or destroyed by them.
5. Try meditation. We have talked about positive self-talk recently. Many people find that meditation helps them to make their self-talk more comforting and motivating. Let go of judgments and connect with your inner goodness.
Silence Your Inner Critic
On the other hand, there will be times when what we need is just a break.
If our self-talk is making us anxious and depressed, we can find relief.
1. Seek distractions. Shift your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book or watch a movie. Spend some time doing something that you enjoy.
2. Distance yourself. Turn down the volume by imagining your inner critic speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.
3. Identify triggers. Give yourself an advanced warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss. Take a beat before you enter knowing that you will get through the experience, and be fine.
4. List your strengths. If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from baking bread to knitting.
5. Correct the exaggerations. Your house will not be condemned because you were too busy to vacuum for a few days. Work to keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is accurate and speaking the truth to you.
6. Use affirmations. Repeating positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down. Browse this site for ideas or invent your wording. Here are 10 Quickie Affirmations.
7. Remember your worth. Being hard on ourselves erodes our self-esteem. Your inner critic lowers your self-esteem. We can help shore up our sense of worth by telling ourselves that we deserve to be happy. Self-worth and self-respect are important for our success in life.
8. Build support. While it is vital that we value ourselves, it helps to have other people in your corner too. Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about yourself and your opportunities.
Take control of your self-talk and your future.
Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
Steve Jobs
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Martina
Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash
