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Influencing People: Its not Rocket Surgery
Many people wonder why some people are so influential, while others are not. It is not magic or mystical powers that make this possible, but simply that these people tend to exude more confidence in themselves when compared to those who are not. They have higher self-esteem and are able to adapt easily and well to the social environments they find themselves in.
Having influence over others is not rocket surgery; I know, I know, a combination of two metaphors. But, you may be surprised at how easy it is, to use Dale Carnegie‘s phrase, “to win friends and influence other people. ” Not just with the way that you can shape or mold their opinion, but also win them over with the very way you think.
1. Demonstrate respect. First, you should always respect other people’s opinions or thoughts. Avoid making rude or negative comments or telling people that they are just plain wrong. This creates an atmosphere of animosity and does not send the proper message to other people about how you carry yourself. It also makes you seem closed–minded about things, especially with the way other’s think.
Avoid getting into arguments, and if presented with a situation where you may be tempted to do so, do your best to resist it. Never, ever try to get into a debate. Leave debates to their proper forum, which is rarely in the middle of a conversation or a meeting. Debates are suited for the academic or political arena, but never in social conversations or interactions.
Always try to start conversations in a friendly and accommodating manner. This reduces some of the initial tension and resistance, and tends to create a good first impression that will usually be repaid in kind. It is important to initiate communication in a way that makes people feel comfortable with you. Never, ever regret admitting that you are wrong about something. Make every effort to show people that you can openly and freely admit your mistakes whenever you get the chance.
2. Seek first to understand. Whenever you plan to speak your mind or communicate with others, make it a point to get a feel for what others also think, so that you can more easily win them over with your opinion or frame of mind.
3. Shut up some time! This one is hard for you, I know. Let others do most of the talking. When it is your turn to speak, plan it carefully and always make it a point to listen carefully when others are speaking. This goes back to #1, show respect.
Always try to honestly and sincerely see things from the other person’s perspective, desires and ideas. Be sympathetic and sensitive to their ideas and points of view, as well.
Try to encourage others with nobler and sincere motives and ideas, but always aim for truthfulness and positive frame of mind.
Never be embarrassed to be dramatic, or even symbolic, about your ideas, because this will also help people become more comfortable and subscribe to your ideas. People get on board faster when they can see that there is going to be a benefit to them as well.
Always remember to be selfless, understanding, sympathetic or compassionate, rather than selfish, arrogant or inconsiderate.
4. Be yourself.
These are just a few of the ways you can influence people with your way of thinking.
What would you add to this short list?
Doc
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Goal Setting 101: Its More Than Just The List
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as
what you become by achieving your goals.
The basics of setting a goal is an open secret known by top-caliber athletes, successful businesspeople and to all types of achievers in all the different fields. The basics of setting goals give will give you short-term and long-term motivation and focus. They help you set focus on the acquisition of required knowledge and they help you plan and organize your resources, including your time, so that you can get the best out of your life.
1. Set clear goals
Setting clearly defined short and long term goals will help you measure your progress and achieve personal satisfaction once you have successfully met your goals. Charting your progress will also allow you to see the stages of completion leading to the final realization of your goals. This helps to eliminate the feeling that you are in some long and pointless grind towards achieving your goals. Your self-confidence and your level of competence will continue to improve as you will become more aware of your capabilities as you complete the steps you have laid out or achieve your goals.
The basics of goal settings involve deciding what you really want to do with your life and what short term and long term goals you need to do to achieve it. Then you have to break down the goals into smaller and manageable targets that you need to complete on your way to achieving your lifetime targets.
You know the drill… make a list. Once you have your list in hand, waste no time in beginning to tackle your goals. A good way to have a manageable list is to have a daily and weekly set of goals. By doing it this way, you will be always in a position of moving toward the life you desire and plan for. Every day will give you an opportunity to fulfill a certain goal, giving you the satisfied feeling of accomplishment.
2. Attitude
Your attitude plays a major role in setting and achieving your goals. You must continue to ask yourself if any part of your mind is holding you back from completing your simplest goals? Is there a part of your behavior that has become a hindrance or keeps putting your plans into disarray? If you can see that you do have problems in an area, then the important next step is to address that problem. Solutions may include things like a visit to your doctor or psychiatrist to help get your emotions under control.
3. Time management
Careers are made by the practice of good time management. Careers require a lot of investment on the part of an individual. Plan how far you want to go in your career.
4. Education
Keep up in your field. Your education may be one of the keys to achieving your goals. If your goals require you to have a certain kind of degree or certification, or a certain kind of specialization, or demands a spcific skill to be developed, start by making plans on how to get the appropriate education.
5. Family
Your family should never be left out of your planning. If you are just starting out, then you will need to decide if you want to be a parent or when you want to become a parent.
6. Finances
Personal financial situations also play a significant role in achieving your goals. Set a realistic goal on how much you really want to earn. You also must be able to create plans or stages by which you will be able to reach your earning potential.
7. Physical abilities
Physically-gifted individuals may be able to achieve sports related goals like being in the NBA or the NFL. Honestly assessing your physical capabilities should be one of your priorities. But, don’t count yourself out. Many physical issues can be conquered with proper planning and training.
8. Recreation/ Leisure/ Fun
As the saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a boring girl,” or something to that effect. Giving yourself a little pleasure, a little down-time, should be included into your plans.
Depending on your age, begin achieving your lifetime goals by setting a quarter of a century plan; or even a 10-year. Then break it down to 5 year plans, then a 1 year plan, then 6 month plans then monthly plans, then weekly, then daily.
Create a things-to-do list for the day.
Always review your plans and prepare for contingencies.
The basics of goal settings should not be so difficult once you get to be familiar with them.
Doc
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Book Review: The Secret of Teams, by Mark Miller (@LeadersServe)
Your team will never perform at the highest possible level
if the members of the team don’t exhibit
genuine care and concern for one another.
Mark Miller
The secret to be found in Mark Miller’s new book, “The Secret of Teams, ” is what great teams, and of course, leaders, actually do. We all know and have read more than enough about what leaders should be doing, but the problem always seems to be in the execution. How do you make the transition from knowing to doing? How do you take your group from doing ho-hum, “good enough for government” work to a unit willing to pursue the best in themselves and in each other? “The Secret of Teams” is here to help you answer some of those concerns with concrete advice about implementation.
Talent, skill and community, Miller tells us is what makes great teams great.
The focus first must be on leadership
What kind of leader are you?
What picture do you project to your team? Or, perhaps a better question might be, what image would you like for your people to hold about you?
Authentically caring about the people in your charge, as a leader is vital. The people working with you will quickly see right through any façade you try to use. As the leader, knowing who you, and what you are not, what you know and can do, and what you cannot are important aspects of leading yourself, even before you worry about leading someone else. These are also important first steps in building a vital, vibrant and integrated team.
Great leaders and great teams don’t just “drift” into existence, to use Mark’s phrase. These teams and leaders focus consistently on developing and seeking out talent, honing new and old skills, and building a sense of community that makes a loosely associated group of people into a well-oiled, high-functioning, high-performing unit.
“Having the right talent starts with the right leader.”
Mark Miller
The team is everyone’s business and job
Every person on a high-functioning team hold first degree accountability for their team’s successes and failures.
Everyone on the team is on the lookout for fresh talent within and without to improve the team’s performance of its critical duties. One of the best interactions in the book is with a pit crew boss. He can already see some rudimentary skills in one of his newer young guys that may translate into being a great driver. He can only see this because he is paying attention and investing time into his crew. He knows his people.
Everyone is working to become the best version of themselves.
Everyone on the team is working to get better, both as individuals players, and as a unit.
Everyone wins and loses together, and each of these events is valued as important learning and growth opportunities.
Everything matters.
Everyone matters.
Great teams don’t just appear. They require hard work and dedication; but the dedication must be to the right things.
This is an important read, especially for teams and leaders who are struggling, for new leaders, and there are even has a few new wrinkles in how seasoned leaders should think about future team building.
Mark Miller, well known business leader, best-selling author, and communicator, is excited about sharing The Secret of Teams: What Great Teams Know and Do with those who are ready to grow. You can find it on Amazon and in bookstores everywhere.
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Spotting lies by reading body language
The most important thing in communication is
hearing what isn’t said.
Everyone gets lied to, and many of us may even think we are already pretty good at spotting lies. But, how will you know if your significant other, friend, sibling, lover, colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger is lying to you? What are the different clues you can pick up on to detect lying? The solution is simple: read and interpret body language.
What are some signs
The most common signs of lying that you should look for are signs of nervousness, stress, anxiety, tension, defense, or discomfort. These little things will show up in different gestures, facial expressions, actions, or mannerisms. And among these are self-touching, speech errors, speech hesitations, different eye movements, discrepancies in the body and the posture, and more.
Self-touch
Self touches are also known as adaptors. People who are lying tend to touch or rub their nose, scratch their forehead, play with their hair, wring or twist their fingers, cover their mouths, and the like. The need to use frequent self touching can indicate extreme nervousness and increasing tension. But keep in mind that there are some people that have already trained themselves to avoid using these adaptors. Thus, looking for other clues is important.
Speech patterns
People who lie, especially when they get caught in the act, will often stumble over their speech, stutter, or even mispronounce. Voice pitch will go up and pacing will usually get a bit faster. However, clues in the speech can sometimes be tricky to pick up. A person may already have some speech deficits, or it may be normal for that person to speak in a fast pace. These are only helpful if you are already familiar with how the person speaks normally.
Eye Movements
The eyes are the loudest and clearest channel of honesty and lies. Eye movements that may indicate lying include lateral movement, squinting, frequent blinking, or looking away. Pupil dilation also occurs during a state of tension, but this is not always easy to see. For ages, it was believed that the inability to hold another’s gaze for a long time indicated lying. However, many people are already aware of this and practice over time how to lie even with eye contact.
Body and Posture Discrepancies
A person may cover up lies through confident facial expressions and voice pitch and volume, however their body may still reveal hints of dishonesty. Fidgeting, shakiness, trembling of the hands, body stiffness, shuffling of the feet, and jitters are typical indicators of lying, but these should never be considered absolutely definitive or reliable. Gestures showing the palm often indicate sincerity. But in lying, the palms are rarely visible, and are often hidden inside pockets. As a defensive posture and protection, people often cross their arms across their chest. People lying are also prone to sweating, increasing heart rate, breathing deeper, and being pale.
Other Cues
In addition to those stated above, there are several more indicators of lying. However, they are less reliable in the detection of dishonesty. Among them are forced smiles, slight tightening of the forehead between the eyebrows, lip biting, hand shrugs, movement of the Adam’s apple, delay of answers or response, flaring of nostrils, tighter lips, elbows pulled to the sides, tilting head movements, inability to concentrate on other things, and other unnatural or unusual or ill-timed gestures.
There is an art to understanding body language. Even though they may seem sometimes unreliable, several different gestures can help clue you into how sincere and honest a person is being with you. Simply look for the some of the typical signs of lying to help you detect dishonesty. Keep in mind that these are general guidelines. You can rely on your senses, but always remember to use your common sense.
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How to deal with your setbacks
A man’s failures imply judgment,
not of circumstances,
but of himself.
(The Absurd Man)
Setbacks happen to everyone. In fact, it is extremely improbable that you’re going to achieve all of your goals without a few setbacks. And you know what? That’s okay! Here are three ways to help you deal with life’s setbacks if and when they do occur.
#1: Acknowledge them.
Trying to sweep the setback under the rug, so to speak, is not healthy. Along with the setback being repressed and ignored, there are likely some feelings attached to that setback that are also being repressed or ignored. When you have a setback, whether it is picking up a cigarette, eating a food that you said you would give up, or skipping a workout, it usually helps to acknowledge the setback. Accept it for what it is. Acknowledge your feelings about it. What are they? Are you angry with yourself? Are you sad? Disappointed? Maybe you’re even feeling defiant: “I’m going to eat this cake because I deserve it.” Acknowledge any and all of your feelings associated with the setback. Once you have acknowledged the setback and the associated feelings, accept it all as normal. Don’t judge yourself. And then, let the feelings and the setback go.
#2: Examine them and learn from them.
Why did you have a setback? Was there something that set you up for failure? For example, if you were rushing around at lunchtime, and didn’t eat enough lean protein with your meal, your blood sugar spiked and then of course plummeted, leaving you with a craving for some tasty, sugary carbs which are probably not on your diet. Did a screwed up day at work or a fight with a friend send you straight to the drive-thru?
Examine what caused the setback and what can you do differently the next time around. In the previous example, you now know that you will suffer a setback unless you include some lean protein in your meals. This is empowering knowledge and will help you avoid this same setback the next time. Setbacks happen and they are not a total wash if you can learn something useful from them.
#3: Focus on the positive.
We all tend to judge ourselves based solely on our failures. You pull into the drive-thru or drive right past the gym on your way home. You toss the gym bag into the back seat where you can’t see it, and it won’t “bother” you. Five, ten, or even sixty minutes later there you are beating yourself up for making all of those little decisions. Let’s try a different approach. Rather than focusing on what you did wrong, consider what you did right today. Surely there was something you did right! There always is. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything that went right in your day today. Once you have that smile back on your face and are feeling good again, look ahead to tomorrow. Tomorrow is a chance to start over and do it right. Focus on the do-over.
What would you add to this short list of getting through setbacks in life?
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Musings and affirmations: I keep my mind sharp
The human mind is a channel through which things-to-be are
coming into the realm of things-that-are.
Affirmation: I keep my mind sharp.
Each day is full of opportunities for me to learn, and I happily embrace each and every one of them.
Learning keeps my mind active is a primary goal for me. Part of my approach to the good life involves keeping my mind sharp, so I do so at every opportunity!
Although the media may tell me that my mind declines as I age, I know that my mind is my own personal responsibility. My brain is like a muscle, it responds to use. Therefore, I can choose whether to keep it sharp or allow it to become dull.
I love how well my mind works now and I want that to continue, so I elect to purposely stay mentally active.
Keeping my mind sharp will involve many different activities. I can do brain teasers, crossword puzzles, mazes, word games. I can enroll in a class on a topic that I find intriguing. Or I can just check out books online or from the local library and study on my own. Even engaging in stimulating conversation or balancing my checkbook helps me stay sharp.
Rest is important. But, I value my ability to think clearly and critically when needed, so I am sure to include some type of mental activity in each day. This way, I have my skills polished and ready when I want to tap into them.
Today, I am grateful for all that my mind does for me.
And I know that staying mentally fit is critical to my ongoing happiness. I therefore commit to doing at least one thing today, and every day, that will benefit my mind.
Homework/ Self-Reflective Questions/ Journal Prompts:
1. What are some of the ways that I most enjoy using my mind?
2. What would help motivate me to work my brain every day?
3. Is there a particular subject that I would like to know more about? What can I do to begin learning about this topic today?
Have an awesome week!
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Fighting fire…
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Tired? Simple ways to keep your brain tuned up.
The mind’s first step to self-awareness
must be through the body.
The human brain is a multifaceted organization of cells. Around fifty million neurons work with the utmost complexity in order to keep you going healthy and strong. It is believed to be five times bigger than an average brain of a mammal with the same body size. In human beings, the frontal lobes and the forebrain are especially expanded since these parts are the ones responsible for self-control, planning and reasoning. So, in order for you to have a stronger and healthier body, try to better you brain. A healthier mind means healthier body. And that generally translates into a healthier life and lifestyle.
It is during our childhood, or the early stages of our lifespan that the development of the brain and the central nervous system is critical. As we grow older, the body’s capacity to absorb nutrients is weakened. Therefore, it becomes more difficult for us to protect ourselves from illnesses, injuries and stresses. Also along with our aging process, we lose neurons, which are more commonly called brain cells. Unlike the other body cells, the neurons do not regenerate nor do they replicate; and they do not have the capacity to repair themselves. Because of this, our brain is not able to perform as well as when we were younger.
So, in order to keep our brains performing well, we have some do’s and don’ts that can help us maintain our brain’s fitness and strength.
What hurts?
Avoid drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and smoking too many cigarette, or anything else for that matter. Do I need to say anything about illegal drugs?
Keep your physician apprised about your mental condition. Important changes should always be reported early.
Do not skip a visit with your doc when these changes begin to occur.
Don’t self-medicate because some drugs may interact negatively with your mental status, especially if you are taking more than one medication.
What helps?
Exercise regularly and engage in physical activities that can help you maintain your physical and mental vitality.
Your mind is exercised better if you participate in active learning. Try some new experiences so that you can learn from something new firsthand.
Pay attention to your social life as well. Do not isolate yourself from your social groups; instead, you should keep in touch with each of them. A happier life would mean a healthier life.
As much as you can, you should always be in control of your life. Do not feel that you have no power over anything that is going on. Maintain a positive self-image and a positive outlook about your life.
Do not become overwhelmed by stress. You must learn how to handle it, for your own sake.
A balanced diet will definitely keep you healthier. As much as possible, you should eat a balanced meal and foods that are rich in antioxidants and vitamins.
Get enough rest and sleep. The general consensus among professionals is that you should sleep for at least six to eight hours a day.
If you have any health problems, you should attend to them as early as possible. Never, ever take your health for granted!
Most importantly is the fact that in order for you to have a healthy mind, you need to always have a positive attitude. Be ready to face all the challenges that life may bring, and never lose hope! Be in command of your life. Better your brain by having a better attitude about life.
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tom-margie/2070691464/sizes/o/in/photostream/
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Invigorate Your Life with Innovation
Just as energy is the basis of life itself,
and ideas the source of innovation,
so is innovation the vital spark of all human
change, improvement and progress
What is the power of innovation? It is a talent that everyone possesses, yet most people don’t think they do. If you have ever marveled at someone else’s creative prowess, guess what, you can create and innovate too. It just some takes time. Everyone is born creative. Remember that box of crayons the teacher pulled out in kindergarten? Their use was not limited to those who possessed a specific potential. Because the truth of the matter is that everybody has potential.
You remember how long it took you to learn to ride your bike, or to drive well, or to never commit the exact same mistake again at work? It is the same with innovation. It will take you a bit of practice and a lot of time before this mind-set comes easily to you when called upon.
Tips to invigorate your life with innovation:
1. Listen to your inner voice. Don’t listen to what other people say. March to the beat of your own drum. Allowing for the input of other people can be helpful at times, but it can also bring confusion and cacophony to the music you are trying to make. If you have an original idea, don’t waste your time and effort trying to make everyone understand; most won’t. And most of the advice you will probably hear will come in the form of negative feedback. If all the geniuses you have read about had listened to their peers, we would probably all still be living in the middle ages.
2. Put in the time. This will involve your skills both in time management and discipline. But, if it is important to you, you will find a way.
3. Get some exercise. Take a walk. Run a mile or two. Get all of those natural endorphins coursing through your veins. Exercising certainly clears, relaxes and opens your mind.
4. Record your dreams. Some of your dreams, I am sure are just the craziest things. They are things that your conscious mind would never have thought of. If you have had these types of dreams before, and I’m sure have, this demonstrates that you have untapped innovative power lying within you. Keep some paper by the bedside. Jot down some notes before the thoughts are overtaken by the day’s necessities. Those dreams may just create an innovative spark in you.
5. Find your own style. If you have look at any art, you know that you can always tell a Van Gogh from a Matisse. If you have done much reading, you will know that Hemingway wrote something by the choice of words used. It is the same with you. People will appreciate your innovation more because it is uniquely yours.
6. Don’t put your light under a bushel. Resist the temptation to hide behind your nifty gadgets or tools. You don’t need the most expensive set of paints to produce a masterpiece. Much the same way with writing. You don’t need some expensive fountain pen and really smooth paper for a bestseller. In fact, J.K. Rowling wrote the first book of the Harry Potter Series on bits of tissue. Does it really matter that you have an expensive SLR camera if you are a crappy photographer? Who cares if you have a totally blinged-out, cool laptop if you never write a word?
The artist actually reduces the number of tools he has as he gets better at his craft. She or he knows what works and what doesn’t.
7. Get passionate! Nothing will work without passion. What wakes you up in the mornings? What keeps the flame inside burning? What is the one thing that makes you feel life you will just die if you don’t get done? Oftentimes people with talent are overtaken by the people who want it more. Think the hare and the tortoise. Ellen Degeneres once said that if you’re not doing something that you want to do, then you don’t really want to do it. And that’s very true. Sometimes you just want something so bad you become virtually unstoppable. And that, my friend, is passion. Passion will keep you going.
8. Stay prepared. Don’t worry about inspiration. You can’t force it. Inspiration will often hit you when you least expect it to. For those unpredictable yet inevitable and precious moments, you should stay prepare. An idea could strike you on your subway ride, but sadly, you don’t have no sheet of paper to scribble down a thought that could change the world. Or at least change yours. Avoid these disasters and the attendant regrets. Have a pen and paper within your arm’s reach at all times.
The most important thing that you must keep in mind that you are doing these things for yourself and your own satisfaction, not someone else’s. But soon or late, they will notice the shift in you, and so will you!
Doc
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