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Living a perfect day…
Uncategorized
Blogging: Where to start
Blogging is an art,
same as any other method of self-expression.
Some are better at it than others.
“Blogging” just isn’t a very graceful word. For many, it sounds a lot like the words drudgery or slogging or dragging through something unpleasant. However, widespread blogging is nevertheless one of the most engaging developments on the Internet. As a medium it has given rise to many new and worthy voices, and now plays a new and vital force in shaping opinions, political realities, setting trends, and even changing our language.
I believe that a blog is simply a tool to use for someone who’s got something to say. Let me be clear in saying that a blog is a poor choice for someone who just wants a megaphone to shout in order to elicit a meaningful response from users. If you want attention and want it now and expect blogging to bring it to you, then this medium will surely be a disappointment for you. But, if you like to write and engage other people on subjects for which you have some command or experience, then it’s a great tool with which you can interact with people who share similar interests with you. Believe the hype…
If you are still reading, then you have just started a blog, or seriously thinking about starting one as part of your “new year, new you.” (hint, hint!)So, here are a few tips from a slightly seasoned blogger …
1. Stay on-topic, on-point. Sure, you can write about lots of different things, just not all at once. Cohesiveness in your message is not optional. If your message is haphazard then few readers will bother remembering to return to your blog because it offers little worth remembering.
The beauty of staying on point and on topic is that eventually, due to the nature of the Internet, you will find other people who are interested solely in your topic.
2. Stay fresh. Refresh your content often. Create a schedule and stick to it. Accept early in your process that blogging will require time and effort. Don’t create unrealistic expectations and then not be able to deliver. An occasional lapse or a holiday break is generally understood and overlooked by readers. But returning often to find the same, stale, out-dated content will push them off to find another blog with similar content. New blogs pop up on a daily basis. If you have worked hard to develop an audience and a community you don’t want to lose them because of lack of communication.
And, you will read many different opinions about how often to blog. Get on a schedule that you can maintain. Many blogs do well posting once a day. There are even a few bloggers who somehow manage to post several times a day. Many also do well posting once or twice a month. Do what works for you, and experiment.
3. Watch you language. Be clear. Blessed are the blogs with clear lines of logic. Make every effort to write without relying on inside jokes, clique-y catch-phrases or ambiguous logic. First time readers need to feel close to your message in order to consider a return visit. They are much more likely to return to the blogs that strike them positively. If the first read is confusing there will probably not be a second read!
4. Feed the Spiders. Search engines take notice of active blogs and blog search engines are especially sensitive to activity. If nothing else, search engines are smarter today than they have been in the past, and continue getting smarter. In constantly improving they are seeking to aggregate quality. Quality blogs tend to be those are updated frequently. No, I am not going to pin you down on frequency, see #2. But remember that a big spider is always watching, so dance for them.
5. Spell check. Use your spell-check. I do. If I didn’t you probably wouldn’t have made it all the way to #5. Bad spelling is a major tun-off, and it takes less than a minute to run through. This can also save you from looking like a hack.
At first, your audience will be small. And really, I think that is a good thing. You need time to build up your skills and confidence, and get your schedule under control through trial and error. But, if you can tough it out while keeping your quality up, your own unique audience will emerge.
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Seeking Greater Happiness?
Happy people plan actions,
they don’t plan results.
What makes you happy?
Over the last few years, there have been a lot of fascinating studies done to try to figure out what makes people happy, and how other people can tap into that “happiness factor” for themselves. If you’re wondering how you could increase your happiness, here are some simple strategies that have been suggested based on research.
1. Give to others more often. Research has clearly shown that people who give even a small amount of money, tend to be happier than those who spend money only on themselves.
Even more fascinating is that when researchers evaluated how people who buy for themselves feel, it was discovered that purchasing new items had no real lasting beneficial effect on one’s happiness. Perhaps the reason you feel the need to go shopping so often is that, no matter what you buy or how much stuff you own, it isn’t really doing anything for you, or filling a need. Buying things does not actually make you happy.
2. Have an adventure. When you’re younger, go for some excitement, find an adventure. Young people often reported their definition of happiness as “excitement.”
3. Increasing peace. As you continue to age gracefully, you should be striving more peacefulness. As people age, they indicated that happiness means having a “peaceful” life.
4. Get some exercise. A Harvard study looked at people in their 50s and found that those who exercised regularly were generally happier when they were re-evaluated again at age 80, than those who didn’t exercise.
5. Maintain a healthy weight. In this same Harvard study, weight was also a factor that could either boost or decrease your level of happiness. Those who are overweight or underweight seemed to experience less happiness than those who keep their weight in the average range.
6. BFFs. Spend time often with your best friend. Go out and do things with your friends frequently or just hang out together. Having strong social supports will increase your happiness. Try it. Go ahead and call them right now for an immediate boost to your mood.
7. Meditate. According to the National Institute of Health, the NIH, people who meditate regularly improve levels of happiness indirectly by increasing their character traits that contributed to their happiness, such as conscientiousness and empathy.
8. Feel. Experience more and buy less. Another fascinating take away from the research is that you’ll be happier from having more experiences in life than you will from having more material goods.
Research indicates that people feel happier about their memories of events than they do about their recent purchase. After all, how often can you say to yourself ten years after buying something, “Wow, that new sweater really changed my life!” A rafting trip with your friends, on the other hand, is bound to create some excellent long-lasting memories!
9. Engage in activities that make you happy. No matter what other people try to tell you about how to spend your time, if you take part in activities of your own choosing, you will be happier. Think about your friend who says, “Cleaning my house makes me happy. I really enjoy doing it.” You might be thinking, as I would, “Ugh, are you crazy?” The key is to do what you enjoy.
For instance, if you are curious about acting in a play, take a local acting class. If you have ever wanted to grab a pair of binoculars and go to the closest national park to go bird-watching, do it.
When you start doing the things that spur your interests and satisfy your curiosities, or things that simply make your heart sing, you will feel much happier.
This newest research regarding what makes people happy might help you in your own quest. Take advantage of the information presented here and increase your level of happiness.
Make someone happy: you!
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Building your self-esteem: Get a little assertive
The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive
is how our words and behavior
affect the rights and well being of others.
Sharon Anthony Bower
Over the course of any given day, you are faced with many opportunities to openly express yourself. Stating your preferences in simple and honest terms can help you build your self-esteem and help move you toward the life you seek. There are also additional benefits that come along with building your assertiveness skills and putting them into practice.
Caution and Definitions
Before we press on, don’t confuse being assertive with a license to become an obnoxious and aggressive bully. So perhaps, a few definitions are in order.
Aggressive:
– characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing
– making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive
Assertive:
– confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic: He is too assertive as a salesman.
Benefits
1. Contentment. You can cultivate real contentment with life. The more you ask for what you really want and desire, the more likely you are to actually get what you want and desire. When you regularly obtain what you the things you want, you will naturally find more satisfaction in your life.
2. Freedom. The more you exercises your ability to exercise your ability, the more free you will feel in asking for what you want. In being assertive, you can feel free to share your emotions with others in appropriate ways, without hurting their feelings.
3. Stabilize your relationships. One of the wonderful side effects of demonstrating effective assertiveness skills is that you will be able to experience more stable relationships with a lot less conflict and confusion.
Even though you understand what being assertive involves, you may be thinking that most often responding in a passive manner is best. After all, you are an easy-going sort of person and you don’t expect to be satisfied all the time. But when you act passively, you run the risk of holding in your feelings and becoming dissatisfied with the end result.
Keeping your emotions locked up inside can take a toll on your relationships. Trying to continually dismiss your emotions instead of discussing them can result in speaking inappropriately later when you finally reach the limits of your frustration. This type of response can be damaging to any and all of your relationship.
You have the right to be open and honest about how you feel in your interactions with others. And if you express yourself appropriately assertively, chances are good the other person will not be hurt or offended. Most likely, they will listen and respond to your needs, which can only improve your emotional connection with them.
4. Model honesty. When you habitually communicate assertively, people know you aren’t going to pull any punches. They believe, and begin to expect that you will honestly say how you feel and they don’t have to guess what’s going on with you.
5. Manifest greater self-confidence. Interestingly, the more you express your own wants and needs, the more your personal confidence will grow. Those who assert themselves regularly in the course of their daily lives tend to believe that they be successful in whatever they do.
When you state what it is you are seeking, people are much more often willing to accommodate you. How’s that for a confidence-builder?
6. Believe in your self-worth. Attune yourself with your self-worth. Can you imagine any greater way to make yourself feel more worthy than simply and honestly asserting yourself and asking for what you want? After all, nothing else says, “I know that I’m a worthwhile person” more clearly than being forthcoming about what’s truly on your mind and heart.
7. Set the tone. As you freely and appropriately express yourself, those around you will begin to notice the enriched life you lead and will be encouraged to go after those same types of rewards. They will emulate the confidence you demonstrate with your assertiveness skills.
The more you speak up for your desires, the better your life becomes. Practice your assertiveness skills daily. When you do, you will not only inspire yourself, but also those around you.
You will ignite your own passion for life!
Thoughts?
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Feeling a little anxious, or anxiety attacks?
Anxiety is a normal, healthy feeling that is experienced by everyone. You know that it is the body’s way of reacting to stimulus that pushes us to either “fight” or “flight” over a situation. But, when anxiety attacks are chronic, severe, or irrational, and begin to affect the health of a person, physically, psychologically or emotionally, it moves up to becoming a problem that must be addressed immediately.
There is a pretty broad distinction between what constitutes a healthy or an unhealthy anxiety attack. We have talked a bit about anxiety here before. But today, I want to spend a little time on what each of the disorders is. This is for general, broad information and not medical advice. If you think you have something going on, check with your primary care physician, Internist, psychologist, a medical professional who you trust.
There are six major types of anxiety disorder:
1. Generalized anxiety disorder. GAD is a chronic worry or fear over almost everything without knowing exactly why. These people tend to feel anxiety about their day to day activities, and are continually worried that bad things will happen. People with GAD often have issues with stomach upset, fatigue, restlessness, and insomnia.
2. Panic disorder. A panic disorder is repeated, unexpected panic attacks. And this is compounded by fears that panic episodes will occur. People with panic disorder are likely to have issues with agoraphobia. They fear being in places where help or escape will be difficult in case another panic attack comes. People with agoraphobia are also afraid of being trapped in confined places like an airplane, or in overly crowded areas like shopping malls. So you can clearly see that anxiety, like much else in life is not “one size fits all.”
3. Phobias are excessive, irrational, or exaggerated fear over simple things that usually present little or no danger to the person. Some of the more common phobias that people deal with are fear of heights, snakes, spiders, dark, and flying. People with phobias tend to avoid the things they are afraid of in order to escape getting anxious or having an anxiety attack. But unfortunately, avoidance only strengthens the phobia.
4. PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder that occurs after a life-threatening or a traumatic event. People with PTSD show symptoms like hyper-vigilance, avoiding situations or places that remind them about the event, or having recurring nightmares and flashbacks about the things that happened. These events can be triggered startling easily, and often in isolation.
6. Social anxiety disorder or social phobia. This is the fear of being seen negatively by others or fear of getting humiliated in public by other people. Social anxiety is often mistaken as an ordinary extreme shyness. People with this kind of disorder usually isolate themselves from others or from event and places where crowds usually gather. Stage fright is the most common type of social anxiety.
7. OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD is a condition where a person has unwanted behaviors or thoughts which appear to be impossible to control. People with OCD can have certain obsession such as worries that they might hurt someone or that they have forgotten to turn the lights off. They can also have uncontrollable compulsion. The most common is washing of hands repeatedly.
Everyone has one or more forms of anxiety at work. Some you are able to easily control, while others seemingly control you. The best first step in trying to get things under control is to spend some quality time with yourself in sorting things out. Below are a few basic questions to help you get started.
• Are you always worried, tense, and on the edge?
• Do you feel like you are in danger whenever you are in confined places?
• Are you afraid of mingling with strangers, meeting new friends or even meeting relatives?
• Do you feel that something bad or catastrophic will happen if certain things are not done according to plan?
• Do you experience worry, fear and anxiety levels that affect your relationships, work, health, and/ or other responsibilities?
• Do you feel irrational fear that you cannot define, and cannot shake?
• Does your anxiety force you to avoid everyday situations and activities?
Me? I hate spiders, although I can usually deal with them in a pinch. I also have a “key-thing” when I am traveling which borders on OCD.
Once you can begin to pinpoint your specific issue, you can start to find specific ways and avenues address it and deal with it. When you better understand what’s going on with yourself, you can also reach out for the appropriate help.
You are not alone!
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Life Mapping: Envision your success
We each define success a little differently. But, however you choose to define it, success is much more than economic gains, titles, and degrees. Making a plan for your success is all about mapping out all the aspects of your life. Similar to a map of the physical road, you need to be able to define the following details: origin, destination, vehicle, backpack, landmarks, and route.
Beginnings: Who you are
All maps have a starting point. Your origin is who you are right now, today. Most people when asked to introduce themselves would say something like, “Hi, I’m Tom. I am a 17-year old, and a senior high school student.” This does not really tell you very about who Tom is. It, in fact, only tells you his present preoccupation.
To begin to gain some insights about yourself, you need to look closely at your beliefs, values, and principles apart from your economic, professional, cultural, and civil status. Moreover, you can also reflect on your past experiences to give you some insights into your good and yes, not-so-good traits, skills, knowledge, strengths, and weaknesses.
Upon introspection, Tom may realize that he is also highly motivated, generous, service-oriented, but impatient. His inclination was in the biological-medical field. He also found that he believed that life must serve a purpose, and that wars were destructive to human dignity.
Destination: A vision of who you want to be
“Who do want to be?” This is your vision. It is important that you know yourself well, so that you can have a clear idea of who you want to be. This is also an opportunity to change the things that you are not particularly happy with. What kinds of things? Things like your attitudes, habits, or points of view. If you have never really taken the time to get to know yourself, then your vision, as well as your targets for the future will remain unclear.
Your chosen destination should cover all of the aspects of your being; the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Continuing Tom’s example, after he defined his beliefs, values, and principles in life, he decided that he wanted to have a life dedicated to serving his fellowmen.
Vehicle: Your Mission
The vehicle you choose is the means by which you will reach your destination. It can be analogized to your mission or vocation in life. To a great extent, your mission will depend on what you know about yourself.
Again, sticking with Tom’s self-assessment, he decided that he was suited to become a physician, and that he wanted to work to become one. His chosen vocation was a medical doctor. Describing his vision-mission fully: it was to live a life dedicated to serving his fellowmen as a doctor in conflict-areas.
Travel Bag: Your knowledge, skills, and attitude
Food, drinks, medicines, and other traveling necessities are usually tucked into your travel bag. Continuing our metaphor, and applying this concept to your life map, you will bring with you certain knowledge, skills, and attitudes. These determine your competence and help you in attaining your vision.
If you know yourself and know where you want to go, then the next step is for you to assess what knowledge, skills, and attitudes you have at present and what you will need to gain along the way. This two-fold assessment will give you important insights on your landmarks or measures of success.
Tom realized that he needed to gain professional knowledge and skills in medicine so that he could become a doctor. He also now knows that he is a bit impatient with people. This won’t well with being a physician, so he realized that this was something that he wanted to change.
Landmarks and Route: S.M.A.R.T. objectives
Landmarks confirm that you are traveling on the right track, while the route determines the time it will take to travel. So, in planning out your life, you also need to have clear landmarks and a route. These landmarks are your measures of success. These measures must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time bound.
What does all of that mean? It means that you cannot set two major landmarks. It means that you/ he cannot plan on earning a master’s degree and a doctorate degree within a period of three years. Why? Because the minimum number of years to complete a master’s degree is two years, and that’s realign humping it.
Going back to Tom, he has identified the following landmarks in his life map:
- completing a bachelor’s degree in biology by the age of 21
- completing medicine by the age of 27
- earn his specialization in infectious diseases by the age of 30
- getting deployed in local public hospitals in his town by the age of 32
- serving as doctor in war-torn areas by the age of 35
All do-able.
Anticipate Turns, Detours, and Potholes
The purpose of your life map is to minimize hasty, spur-of-the-moment and potentially destructive decisions that can make you lose your way. But often our plans will need to be modified along the way because of some inconveniences, delays, and other situations that are wll beyond beyond our control. As with traveling any path, there will be turns, detours, and potholes, So, you must anticipate them and adjust accordingly.
What does your life map look like? Where are you going?
Share in the comments below.
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Musings + Affirmations: Health and love shower down on me daily 3-17-13
A man too busy to take care of his health
is like a mechanic too busy to take
care of his tools
Spanish Proverb
Affirmation: Health and love shower down on me daily.
Eah and every day, I happily receive all that I need. I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit and I know that I am loved. The people in my life are conduits for all the goodness of the universe. Health and love shower down on me daily from all sources.
Often, blessings come my way from unexpected directions. I am always open to receive these, in whatever manner they arrive.
I receive all forms of love with deep gratitude.
I also feel stronger inside every day. I know that my own health and happiness are assured. Daily, I see them manifest in my life. I take this as evidence of a positive force for good working in my life.
However, sometimes in the hurry of life, forgetting to pay attention to my blessings can seem all too easy. Therefore, I cultivate my awareness. This is how I know that health and love shower down on me daily.
Today, I consciously and purposely make time to contemplate all the blessings in my life.
I am thankful for all of the ways that health and love manifest for me. And I commit to paying close attention all the days of my life so that I can continue to live with a grateful heart.
Homework/ Self-Reflective Questions/ Journal Prompts:
1. What are some of the ways that love has been shown to me today?
2. Are there ways in which I can contribute love or good health to someone else’s life today?
3. When can I most benefit by making the effort to remember to stop, breathe, and experience gratitude?
Thoughts?
Have an absolutely awesome week!
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Pick wiser battles…
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Meditation: Making it a daily habit for a more fulfilling life
Meditation is the life of the soul:
Action, the soul of meditation.
And honor the reward of action.
Meditation is an excellent habit to add to your daily routine. Not only does it help you relax, but it also helps with almost every other part of your life as well. Your focus will improve. Your appreciation for all the positive things in your life will increase. You will get more done. You sleep better. The list of the beneficial effects is practically endless.
There are many forms of meditation. But rather than trying to track down the perfect method, we are going to focus today on simply making meditation a daily habit.
How do you get started?
1. Keep it short, at first. The perfect way to fail at anything is to try to do it all at once. This is true whether we are talking about preparing to run your first marathon or about meditation. Meditation is a lot of exercise for your mind. Start with 5 minutes or less.
2. Set a schedule. Your scheduled time does not have to be etched in stone. Try something more generalized like during lunch, or in bed after you wake up. Choose a time and stick to it.
3. Find a good spot. You will need to find a time and place that are conducive to being able to concentrate. Quietness and solitude help but are not absolute requirements.
4. Sit down. You don’t need to try to sit in a special position, or purchase new clothes, pillows, or anything else. What is important here is that you can sit comfortably without having to move throughout the meditation. A chair or bench is fine. You might even find it helpful to sit on the floor with your back against the wall or sofa.
5. Progress slowly. Three minutes a day is great place to start. You can do five minutes next week. You are not trying to prove to yourself that you can do it for 30 minutes, you are trying to gently introduce meditation into your life in a way that will result in it becoming a daily habit. Take a month to six weeks to work your way up to 30 minutes.
6. Focus on your breathing. While you are sitting, simply focus on your breath and your breathing. Your eyes can be open or closed, this is entirely up to you. Count your breaths and when you reach 10, start over again. See how long you can go before your mind wanders> And, yes, your mind will wander.
When you catch yourself thinking about something other than your breath, simply gently pull your attention back to your breath. It will be a struggle to maintain your focus at first, but your ability to this will improve with time.
7. Do it every day. The key to establishing good, positive habits is to do them daily. It won’t be very long before your meditation habit is as much a part of your life as brushing your teeth.
Of course, if you haven’t meditated before you may be asking yourself what sitting down and counting your breaths will do for you. If you can learn to focus completely on your breathing, you can learn to focus on anything!
Eventually, you will reach a point that when you are working, you think about nothing but work you are performing. You will become much more effective and efficient at work. When you are spending time with your family, you will be able to fully immerse yourself in the joy of being together. During dinner, you will think only about the dinner experience.
You can essentially eliminate all stress from your life, because you will always be thinking about and focusing on your present experience. Your stress level will decrease dramatically when can pull your mind away from the habit of either thinking about the past or projecting ahead into the future. Meditation helps you live your life fully in the present.
Start meditating today.
Remember: You don’t need anything except a place to sit down and a few minutes of your time.
But the benefits can last a lifetime!
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Enemies of Adaptive Energy and An Antidote
Enemies of Adaptive Energy and An Antidote
Adaptive energy is the force that propels you to reach your dreams, pointing you toward the goal line and warning when you go off course. Steven Snyder
Adaptive energy is the energy we need to move productively forward, to stay focused on what we desire, to become the people we want to be and lives the lives we intend to live.
Here are three enemies to adaptive energy:
Fear. In his book, Leadership and the Art of Struggle, Steven Snyder notes that fear is the greatest adversary of adaptive energy. I recently received a card in the mail that expressed that sentiment: Everything You Want is On the Other Side of Fear. Fear can sap our energy and keep us from moving to the lives we want.
Conflict. When I experience conflict in my relationships, work or home, I can feel my energy draining. The conflict distracts me and diverts me from my most important priorities.
Worry. Worry is a cousin of fear, and an enemy of energy. If you are worrying, you aren’t moving forward. Worry could keep you awake at night, and worry could crowd your mind, stealing away your ability to think creatively about solutions to the challenges you are facing.
The antidote to the enemies of adaptive energy, according to Snyder, is self-awareness. When we are thoughtful and aware, we can channel our energy more purposefully.
Which of these enemies are you facing on your leadership journey? How can self-awareness be a key to helping you gain more adaptive energy?
Steven Snyder’s book Leadership and the Art of Struggle inspired this guest blog post by Becky Robinson. This week is the official launch of the book. You can buy it on Amazon or read a free preview and learn more at snyderleadership.com.
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