Uncategorized

Is your sense of security holding you back?

insecurity

Security is mostly a superstition.

It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men

as a whole experience it.

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than

outright exposure.

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

Helen Keller

A sense of security is one of the most basic human needs. Most people value security because feeling secure feels good. But is it possible that your need for absolute security and surety are actually inhibiting the fullness of your life?

If you look at most of the successful self-made people in the world, you will probably notice that many of them had to endure what would be considered a large degree of insecurity. For example, according to some studies, the average self-made millionaire went broke more than 3 times on the way to their monetary goals.

Most people crave financial security, yet how many would be willing to put themselves into situations where they might end up broke, just to achieve that security? So then the question is, do these successful people have less need to feel safe? Or perhaps they simply see security in a different way.

What’s the difference?

Most very successful people feel secure the majority of the time. They feel secure in themselves and in their abilities. They always have those two things available to them, regardless of their external circumstances. Not having enough money is just a nuisance. While not ideal, it is not really the end of the world.

Risk vs. Reward

Most people would say that they would feel more secure with $250,000 in the bank, a house that is completely paid off, a stable job, and good health insurance. The problem is that by the time most people achieve all of these things, they nearly out of time. No one lives forever.

So to achieve the things that make you feel secure, the fastest path is usually to take some action that might create a feeling of insecurity in the short term. Taking some risk may be necessary to create a life that is full of security. As with many other things in life, security frequently comes down to looking at the risk vs. the reward of a situation.

Starting your own business might be “risky.” You might go broke. You might have to sleep on a friend’s couch. But is that really the end of your world? Did you know that Sylvester Stallone was completely broke and his wife was pregnant when he was out hustling, trying to sell his script for Rocky?

He even turned down $200,000 for the script because that particular film company would not let him star in the movie. He ultimately took less for the script, just to be able to be in the movie because he knew it would be worth the risk. Stallone is now worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Would you have taken a similar chance? If your sense of security came from within you, then yes!

Inner vs. External Security

So, how can you change so that your feeling of security comes from inside of you rather than from outside?

First, you need to simply decide that you are going to change your perspective.

You also need to believe that you have the capacity to handle any bumps that occur along the way.

That’s it! Just those two things are all you need.

It is not always easy, but you need to avoid letting your need for security undermine the achievement of your dreams.

If you feel that you need to wait until all of your needs for security are met, all of your proverbial ducks are in a row, before you chase your dreams, you will very likely run out of time before you reach your goal line. Ask yourself if you really need all of those external things to feel secure. Then go get some real security.

Thoughts?

Photo Credit: mlinksva via Compfight cc

Musings + Affirmations: I deserve to pamper myself, occasionally. 4-21-13

Pampered vanity is a better thing perhaps than starved pride.

Joanna Baillie

Affirmation: I deserve to pamper myself.

I consider myself worth every bit of luxurious treatment I afford myself! I know that I am living in accordance with my life purpose, and that is enough to make me deserving of all the pampering I give myself.

I deserve to pamper myself because I work hard.

I spend hours getting the job done and always ensure that I put forth my best effort. I strive to achieve excellence and believe that I deserve some relaxation and pampering for my fine efforts.

I take my family and their well-being seriously. I pay attention to the needs of my children and significant other and ensure they are met in the best way that I know how. Sometimes, I put aside my own desires so that they can be comfortable. I am rewarded by their love because I am the parent and partner they need me to be.

I am treated well by my family. They know that I love them unconditionally.

Today, I continue to live up to my firm belief that I deserve to pamper myself on occasion.

I work hard and love hard, and pampering is my reward. I believe I am worth every positive treatment I receive.

Homework/ Self-Reflective Questions/ Journal Prompts:

1. Do I accept gifts graciously?

2. Do I recognize and acknowledge the efforts of others to express their gratitude to me?

3. Do I make time for myself so that I can be at my best for others?

Thoughts?

Have an awesome week!!!

Photo Credit: Vook tv via Compfight cc

Be humble. Be grateful.

What’s the difference? A Living Will And A Living Trust

Will

Warning: Adult conversation ahead!

I lost a friend recently, and quite unexpectedly. Most of you don’t know me personally, or him. But this situation brought to mind many of the “adult conversations” we fail to get around to, and the “unfinished business” people often leave behind. So to that end, I would like to discuss today, briefly, two types of documents that are often confused, but are important to your family. The most important disclaimer is that I am not an attorney. You should contact one for further details about these documents and what your state or local laws have to say about them. There are also few sites online where you can download the preliminary documents. Or, as you can see in the picture above, stop at your local 7-eleven or Piggly Wiggly and pick up a form to begin the process.

The two terms living will and living trust may seem a bit vague. Oftentimes, people may even use the names interchangeably. But, you need to understand that a living will is different document than a living trust. Although both may share a number of similar characteristics, you have to know their exact definitions to be able to fully utilize them to your best advantage.

Living Will

This is a legal document that states your wishes regarding your health care decisions in the event of an major and potentially catastrophic health care issue like a terminal illness or a permanent vegetative state. This form of advanced directive will only take effect once you have shown evidence of incapacity to participate in the decision-making process with regard to your medical treatment.

Basically, the policies that govern the making and application of living wills are based on individual state laws concerning the matter. The statutes may be different from one state to another. So be sure to follow state-specific procedures to avoid conflicts since this is, after all, a lawful document.

Some states do not have particular laws pertaining to living wills. But here again, you may want to take advantage of the option to appoint a health care surrogate in case you become too ill to participate in making your own health care decisions. As the name implies, your surrogate, or stand-in, will act and decide on your behalf under the specifically mentioned circumstances.

Living Trust

In essence, a living trust is a written lawful document that partially takes the place of your will. It allows you to place all of your assets (i.e. residential properties, bank accounts, or stock shares) in a trust to be administered to your advantage for as long as you live. At the time of your death, all of your properties will be transferred under the names of your beneficiaries.

Most people choose to appoint themselves as the trustee in command of supervising all of the assets of the trust. In this way, you can still be in control of your stuff even though they have already been put into a trust. On the other hand, you may also choose to assign a successor trustee. This can be either an institution or a person, who will take over the task of administering the trust’s assets in case you become unwilling or unable to perform your duties.

So basically a living trust guarantees that your assets will be handled according to your preferences. That is if you become incapable of managing them for yourself. In setting one up, you may initially want to serve as its trustee. But its is probably a wise idea to also select a successor trustee while you’re still of sound mind to make the decision.

The trustee may take over the management of all your assets again, under specifically defined circumstances. And when you are gone, the successor trustee that you have appointed will act in a manner similar to an executor of a will. The usual functions will include things like gathering your assets, paying off your remaining debts, taxes and claims, and finally, distributing your properties according to your orders. Unlike a will, all of these tasks may be carried out without court approval or supervision.

In looking at these two documents, a living will nor a living trust tend to normally be considered top priorities. For a young couple just starting out, and without kids or noteworthy assets, these are probably not important things to consider. People with uncomplicated estate plans may not gain much from it too. But as we continue to mature, our lives tend to become more complicated and accumulative, so we should be thinking ahead for healthcare issues as well as the welfare of our children, grandchildren, etc.

So you see, a living will and a living trust differ in many ways. The first is usually appropriate for almost anyone, while the latter is typically viewed in a case-to-case basis.

These kinds of documents and other difficult conversations are important to have with the people we care about, and who care about us, while we still have it all together.

Thoughts?

Photo Credit: weegeebored via Compfight cc

A few life lessons everyone can use

life lessons

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

Robert Byrne

There are many lessons that we learn by going to school, but a plethora of things that we learn just by living life. Both are important. The only problem is that life tends to move people quite people far along before they really figure out what’s going on and the wisdom that people hope to have gained sometimes seems late in coming.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And, almost all of it is small. Much of the time when you get stressed out and worked up over “stuff” they end up being, in the grand scheme of life, things really don’t matter. When you allow yourself to get too caught up in it you distort your perspective and don’t take time to fully enjoy the moment.

2. Life can often be unpredictable and throw you some curves. To being knocked off your feet when life’s surprises do come your way, stay prepared by being open-minded and working to maintain your positive mindset that welcomes the life lessons being offered.

3. Stop boring everyone! The most boring word in any language is “I”. It is wonderful that you are self-confident and self-sufficient, however, extremely few things in this world are really all about you. There is nothing more distressingly monotonous than hearing someone talk about themselves and their accomplishments ad nauseum. Don’t get it twisted! Being self-centered is not the same as having self-confidence and being self-assured.

4. People are more important than things. Relationships are more important than any material goods you may acquire on your road to success. Without the love and support of family and friends in your life, material goods are not of much use to you. Setting your values and priorities can help you establish what’s important. If they are beginning to feel like they are out of alignment with what you want to be doing… set them again.

5. Don’t be afraid to show and tell others you love them. Life is short, so learn to give and receive love. Love and be loved.

6. No one else can make you happy. Your happiness and your state of mind are your own responsibility. No one else’s. It up to each person to know or to figure out what it takes to live a balanced and happy life. Your relationships enhance your life and make them richer, but they do not “make” you happy. You do.

7. Character and integrity will always matter. It is extremely important to be a person of honor. Your good word and deeds inspire trust and confidence from your family, your friends and your employers. Be the kind of person who others are proud to know.

8. Forgive yourself, your friends and your enemies. We are all only too human. All of us slip up sometimes and make mistakes. Holding grudges and past hurts only serves to keep you from enjoying life to its fullest.

9. It’s okay to fail. This is similar to #8. Everyone has failed at something at one time or another. Failure is an excellent life teacher. It teaches you humility and how to correct your course of action. Thomas Edison had a great attitude toward failure. He said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

10. Learn from the mistakes of others. There’s a Zen proverb that states: “It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others.”

11. Take time to laugh each day. Humor really is good medicine.

12. There is no magic pill. There are no substitutes for exercise, eating well, and fresh air and a little sunshine. Never take your health for granted, or underestimate how much feeling good physically affects your moods.

13. Never give up, never give in. Keep your goals and dreams alive. Persistence will eventually get you almost anything.

14. “The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” Tom Bodett

Learn well and pass it on…

Photo Credit: ROSS HONG KONG via Compfight cc

Building good relationships

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts.

And we are never, ever the same.

Unknown

Relationships of all kinds are often viewed as very delicate and fragile things. Things that are important to us require extra effort on our part to maintain. However, a good and healthy relationship can become something that will provide you with ongoing security and can long lasting despite its many ups and downs.

Ineffective communication, poor use of resources

Does this sub-title sound like something you’re involved in? Building effective and lasting relationships is necessary for a couple of reasons. For example, in a group or organization, everyone’s well-being depends on some extent on how efficiently and effectively that group or organization works together. Additionally, the group or organization itself, is also dependent on how well the members work with their management.

An ineffective group or organization can be a constant source of frustration. A group or organization that is ineffective frequently ask a lot of their members because of their disorganization and lack of interpersonal relationships. Some of these groups, perhaps you have belonged to a few, seem to try to function as if the members have no life outside of the groups “requirements.” The people who “run” these groups frequently fail to take into account that their members have other responsibilities and need to be attendant to all of the other aspects of their lives, as well as what’s happening in and for the group.

For an organization or group stuck in this kind of scenario, relationships will eventually become stressful and suffer from relational breakdown. This means that in the long-term, not only will the people inside the group suffer, but the people or other entities who may be dependent on these groups will as well.

Common good, common goal

The society in which we all live is defined as a web of relationships. These relationships, in order for them to remain healthy, require that all parties work together and carry their fair share of the load in order to achieve a common goal.

Having a relationship that is good, a relationship where cooperation and respect are manifested, makes everything work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and toward achieving the common goal. The common good for the common goal. This can only be achieved with effective and efficient relationships.

Respect and communication

Being able to understand the other party’s feelings and position helps to create an effective relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another person is to simply ask them what they want and listen attentively to what they have to say. When the other person sees this, they develop a sense that they are considered important. They can see, hear and feel that they matter. This is one of the single most important factors in any good relationship: both parties feel that they are important to each other.

Effective relationships require that everyone be able and willing to openly express their feelings and positions on all of the matters pertinent to the relationship. It is never a good policy to make assumptions about what someone else understands in terms of your needs, and that they mysteriously and magically will give you exactly what you need without being asked.

Respect is the key to good relationships. In order to create a more effective relationship, people and organizations should treat each other with respect. You can show respect just by listening to the other person and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to others by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself as well as others. The opposite of respect is quick formulation of judgments based on unfounded facts and prejudice. Avoid this at all costs.

Respect differences. express feelings

Another key component of forming an effective relationships is to tackle differences directly. Differences between parties or people can be quite interesting to observe. For instance, as an outsider listening to a conversation between two people, you may observe that each is coming from two totally different perspectives.

Work toward a win-win solution for both parties. This can be done when everyone feels or comes to the conclusion that the relationship is important. Once everyone can meet at this common intersection, then progress can be made toward figuring out how to spend more time, effort and energy in understanding the other person’s needs and deal with it. Should they fail, it is still a comfort to know that they have tried.

Informal discussions are always good for relationships. They bring out issues and concerns in a more comfortable and less threatening way. They also help people to feel more relaxed, making them think more clearly.

Developing and maintaining and atmosphere where people feel comfortable expressing their feelings when needed is important. Be sure to listen attentively and without pre-judging the issue. When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can stand in the way of building an effective, open, honest, mature relationship.

Relationships are important to everyone. Problems and conflicts will naturally occur, and addressing the issues and problems head-on is very important in working to improve any relationship.

Because, you know… ‘No man is an Island’.

Thoughts?

Photo Credit: StephenZacharias via Compfight cc

Developing your self-control

I am, indeed, a king,

because I know how to rule myself.

Pietro Aretino

Self-control, in the sense that we will be discussing it today, is the power to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state or a way to maintain a positive mental attitude.

Get It In Order

Imagine what you would be able to achieve if you could only get yourself to follow up on your best intentions without regard to your mood. The good thing about self-control is that when you reach the point of arriving at a conscious decision, you are almost guaranteed to follow up on it.

Self-control is one among the many personal development tools available to you. Of course, it is not a cure-all. Even so, the issues that can be solved and resolved with self-control may be crucial to moving forward. And while there may be other ways of solving these issues, self-control is usually the best recourse.

Self-control can help you wipe out procrastination, help you maintain a positive mental attitude and help you to be more of a success in your own way and in your own eyes. Moreover, it becomes a potent teammate when combined with all of the other tools at your disposal.

You have some, work it

weight lifting

Self-control is like a muscle. The more you work it and discipline it, the stronger you and it will get. The less you discipline it, the more feeble you will become.

Just as each person has different muscle power, each of you possess different levels of self-control. Every one has some. If you have ever been able to hold your breath, even for a couple of seconds, you have some self-control. But not everyone has formulated their discipline to the same level.

The best approach to boosting your self-control is like using weight training to get better muscles. This means that you will need to lift weights that are close to your limitations. In this way you force your muscles to work until they fail, and then you rest. Likewise, the basic technique to building up your self-control is to tackle some challenges that you are able to successfully achieve but which are very near your limitations. This does not mean that you should be attempting something and failing at it on a daily basis, nor does it imply remaining comfortably inside your comfort zone.

You will gain absolutely no strength attempting to lift a weight that you can’t budge, nor will you acquire power lifting weights that are too light for you. You have to begin with weights/challenges that are well within your current ability to lift, but which are near your limitations.

When you succeed, you step-up the challenge, a bit. If you are undisciplined right now, you will still be able to utilize the “little” discipline that you currently have to make a foundation to form more. The more disciplined you get, the easier things in life tend to get. Challenges that once seemed inconceivable to you will work their way down the scale to becoming like child’s play. As you become stronger, the same weights will feel lighter and lighter.

Avoid comparisons

At all cost, please avoid the trap of trying to compare yourself to others. It won’t help anything. You will likely only discover what you expect to discover. If you already believe that you are weak, everybody else will feel and look stronger. If you already believe that you are strong, everybody else will appear weaker. There is absolutely no point in doing this. Simply look at where you are today, and aim and work to get / do better as you proceed with your plan.

What “thing” do you need to develop better self-control for?

Photo Credits: kevinthoule via Compfight cc, jontunn via Compfight cc

Stop Talking and Start Doing

talking doing

Doing leads more surely to talking

than talking to doing.

Vance Havner

Throughout your life, you meant to do a lot of things. You might have intended to go into a certain kind of work, live in a particular area, or become involved in certain hobbies or activities. But everyday life just kind of got in the way or intervened and prevented you from doing what you have always thought you would do.

And here you are, still wishing (and hoping) that you can accomplish some of the goals and desires you established so long ago. Some of the activities you want to do might even come up in conversation periodically. You start out by saying, “One of the things that I have always wanted to do is…” or “I always thought I would…”

So, how can you stop talking and start doing what you intend to do? What does it take to follow through with your intentions?

Here are some suggestions for getting on with fulfilling your life’s dreams:

1. Pick 3

Pick your top 3 desires right now. Limiting the goals you plan to work on will help you succeed. Select those that are really the most important to you.

2. Focus

Stay focused on these 3 goals and do not allow anything to get in the way of accomplishing them. When you focus, you will keep these goals at the forefront of your mind every single day. You might say that you will be eating, sleeping, and drinking with those few goals.

3. Break it down

Break each goal down into smaller, more manageable “chunks.” Divide it up into mini-goals and enjoy one success after another as you attain these smaller goals on your way to achieving your end goal. Breaking up each goal into do-able chunks will also galvanize you to get started working toward each goal one bit at a time.

For example, if one of your goals is to travel to Japan, what aspects of this trip can your plan for and work on? Your mini-goals might include setting a date, start gathering your finances, deciding where you will visit and and what you want to do when you get there, and more.

4. Every single day

Do something that moves you a little closer toward each of your 3 goals every single day. For example, rather than spend 2 hours in the evening playing on your iPad, spend one of those hours working towards one of your mini-goals.

5. Be flexible

If staying focused on all 3 of your desires at once feels too tough for you to work toward, then choose just one of them and work on it until you have accomplished that goal. It is also important that you be willing to switch from moving one goal ahead to working on another if you find that you are getting stuck.

6. Change your self-talk

Instead of continuing to say that you “always wanted to do” something, speak about what you have done recently in working toward accomplishing your goal. Use your discussions and language to remind yourself and others of what your true intentions are. Now your talk and your actions are both consistent with attaining your goal.

As an example, let’s say you have always wanted to learn to do Tai Chi. You can say that you have checked into it online and started researching places to take class locally. “I called the Y the other day to find out when the Tai Chi class starts and how much it costs.” What a thrill it will be when during your next conversation you will be able to say, “At my Tai Chi class the other day…”

It will be wonderful and energizing when you start avidly focusing on your desires and actively working to achieve your goals? You have, right now, within your reach, the power to stop talking and start doing whatever is necessary to translate your intentions into actions. You can live the life you have been teaning to live and achieve your dreams.

Begin today to do what you intend to do.

Thoughts?

Photo Credit: Dom Dada via Compfight cc

Musings + Affirmations: I celebrate the positive attributes of others.

Celebrate!

Celebration is an expression of Gratitude.

Gratitude is like the prayer, while

Celebration is the hymn and sacred dance.

Celebration is its own road to happiness.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Affirmation: I celebrate the positive attributes of others.

I love having people around me. I love and appreciate the contributions of others because it represents the diversity of life and the world around me. I especially love when others showcase positive attributes that contribute to a better world.

I thrive when positive energy abounds.

I enjoy being in the presence of others who see the importance of making a positive impact. When others highlight their positive attributes, I celebrate them and let them know that they have inspired me to maintain an optimistic outlook in my life.

I welcome the presence of co-workers who always greet me with a smile. I stop to consider how easily a simple smile can change a dreary and stressful day around and change it or the better.

I let others know the impact their display of inner joy has on my life. I embrace them and make every effort to keep them in my life. Having that energy around makes the challenges of life much easier to deal with.

Today, I continue to bask in the positive energies of people around me.

I endeavor to make the time to recognize the impact that positive attributes have on my life and all of its situations.

Homework/ Self-Reflective Questions/ Journal Prompts:

1. Do I have an altered outlook when I see how positive others around me are?

2. Have I been able to use a positive attitude to turn a situation around for the better?

3. How do I react when others are throwing negative energy my way?

Please share if you have found it helpful.

Have an absolutely awesome week!!!

Photo Credit: @ly$ in wonderland via Compfight cc