life lived by the Book
Management is doing things right;
leadership is doing the right things.
With or without the title, you are now a leader. While working to get more in tune with where you want to go, who you want to be, and how you want to consciously lead people, there are certain techniques that you can use on a daily basis to help maximize your own motivation, help you stay focused and make you feel great about getting the right things done. As you begin to make different choices for yourself, and for others, there are other aspects of your decision-making that you need to be attendant to; things like consequences, reward, communication, trust, and more.
Consequences
There are consequences attached to everything we do. You can choose to stew and worry about them, or you look at them in the clear light of day, and make a plan for dealing with the possible outcomes. You can logically think through the consequences and even point them out to you team members if you are trying to motivate them for a better performance. It is important to remember that you should never use consequences as threats. Threats will cause people to turn against you. There is a world of difference between awareness and threats. For motivation purposes, knowing the consequences can help many people get their act together.
Celebrate
Incentives, rewards and celebrations are very important. Don’t forget to celebrate your own successes as well. You probably never treat yourself to something good, and it is past time that you did. Self reward is one of the best ways to keep yourself motivated.
When your team members make steps toward achieving goals, celebrate them, congratulate them. And whether its for yourself, the whole team, or an individual teammate, just be sure that you do it after a particular benchmark is reached.
Communication
Instructions are also an important way to get the best out of your yourself and your team members. You may find that you don’t feel that you can rely on specific people because they “always” seem to let you down. Perhaps they didn’t understand your message. Instructions often need to be given in much more detailed, delivered more clearly, and more times than we realize. Do not however make the person you are addressing feel like a child, or demeaned in any way. Make the time to provide adequate instructions to help people make it through what is expected of them.
Accountability and expectations
Most people work better when they know exactly what you expect from them. This may mean that you have to write out the instructions for yourself as well. Never take on a project if you are not entirely sure about how you and your team plan to complete it. If there are questions about the steps involved never be afraid to ask questions. Clarity on projects will help everyone stay more motivated to make it to the completion.
Goal setting
Set goals for all of your processes of action. These goals need to be both short term and long term. Be crystal clear about which goals are realistically attainable in the short term time frame, and which goals may take longer to achieve. Goals can help you guide the process of action. Goals are also motivating. When you quit doing goal setting you will lose a great deal of your momentum and your motivation to continue to achieve.
Trust and respect
Trust and respect are two other things you need to keep under consideration. People need to be trusted and respected! When they know that they have these two things from you they will respond to you in a better way, and get more accomplished for you. If you are trying to motivate others you need to give people trust and respect because they will want to do things for you, because it is bright, and most importantly, because it is what you expect from others. Trust and respect… you must give t get!
Critique or criticize
Constructive criticism is also an important part of maximizing motivation. If you are trying to help motivate others, you should know the valuable difference between being critical and offering constructive criticism. What you have to say must always be constructive and not damaging. Beating another person down will not help them become more motivated. But it can discourage them enough that a situation or relationship that may have been salvaged goes bad.
When you provide constructive criticism you can still see and point out the positive aspects of the circumstance while you help people find useful and usable ways to remedy the situation. This applies to you too. Stop beating yourself up or down. Daily, you need to bring positive reinforcement into your mind along with truly constructive criticism.
When you are thrust into a position of leadership, your primary task is to move yourself and your team toward the joint vision. You can try to do this by browbeating people and making them tow the proverbial line. Or, you can do this by finding your sweet spot in motivating yourself and others by positive and uplifting means. The best results are usually obtained, when you try to make most situations win-win.
Thoughts?
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The obstacles of your past can become the
gateways that lead to new beginnings.
In order to live a fuller and more complete life, you we must learn how to let go of past failures and disappointments and not carry them with you into your future. Hanging on to the pain, bitterness or disappointment from a past conflict is a very heavy burden to carry around. It affects your moods, attitudes, relationships, job and every other aspect of your life. Negativity will eat away at your self-esteem and destroy any possibility of a life free from pain.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel! Your future does not have to be a repeat of your past. You don’t need to resign yourself to a life of pain, no matter what you have already been through. You can lay down your burdens. It really is okay for you to be free. In fact, you deserve it!
Here are five steps to help you move forward and find the freedom you need:
1. Talk it out. Discuss your past pain, fear, disappointment or trauma with a trusted friend or family member. Fully express the feelings that you have associated with the situation. Cry, scream, or do whatever you need to do to release the bottled up emotions in a safe way.
Until you really talk about the feelings connected to your past, you may not be able to move past them. Once you have spoken the words, release them from your mind forever. As hard as that may sound, it is the only way to free yourself from your past.
2. Journal. Writing in your journal is an excellent way to pour out a lot of your pain. A journal offers the safety of knowing your words are just for you, and they won’t be read by anyone else, unless you choose otherwise. Don’t get hung up on the spelling, grammar, or even if the words follow a logical progression, simply write from your heart.
Physically writing your thoughts and feelings can release your emotions so you can move past them.
3. Forgive. People often misunderstand the meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened to you is unimportant or even that you are saying it’s “okay.” In fact, forgiveness isn’t really about the other person at all.
Forgiveness simply means that you have made the conscious choice to let go of the desire to exact revenge and punishment, and you have found a satisfactory measure of closure within your heart and soul. Forgiveness releases you from the burden of carrying the pain any longer. By choosing to forgive, you can stop thinking about the past so that it won’t control your present and your future.
4. Get help. You can choose to get help from a life coach or a therapist. The people closest to you may not always the best choice to help you work through your pain. It may prove difficult to fully open up about your deepest pain or it may be hard for them to step back far enough to help you through it.
Seeking professional guidance can give you the safety of relative anonymity, which can sometimes make it easier to share your problems. Often a coach or counselor can help you us see a new point of view, which can help you move forward.
Hanging onto past negativity isn’t necessary. No matter what your history holds, you can learn to release it and move forward into a life filled with more contentment and greater joy. Find a method that works well for you and begin, today, to let go of the past and move into the life you want, are seeking and deserve!
Thoughts?
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We cannot always control our thoughts,
but we can control our words,
and repetition impresses the subconscious,
and we are then master of the situation.
As you press on through life, you are continually affirming and reaffirming your own thoughts and beliefs. Throughout each day, you consciously and unconsciously tell yourself things based on your own belief system. The problem is that for much of this time, you may actually be repeating and reaffirming negative thoughts, rather than positive ones. This is not good. After all, if your affirmations are negative, how do you expect to have positive outcomes!
Think about it for a moment. How many times in a single day do you tell yourself how stupid you are for forgetting something or how fat you are when your favorite clothes feel a bit snug?
Negative thinking serves to reinforce an internal belief that you will never be able to change by yourself, and that you are destined to continue repeating your self-destructive behaviors over and over again. When you reaffirm your negative thoughts, you enter into a vicious cycle that leads to even more negative thinking. Imagine how much different your life would feel if you began using affirmations to reinforce the positive instead!
Affirmations can work wonders if you use them properly. By making a few simple adjustments in the way you phrase your internal dialog, you can begin using this powerful technique to change your thinking and change your very life. Your subconscious mind accepts things on a very literal basis. So for affirmations to work effectively, you need to follow a simple plan.
1. Make it now. Your subconscious mind needs to know you are actually doing something right now, not in a future moment. Let’s use smoking as an example. If you say an affirmation like, “I will quit smoking,” your subconscious does not know what you mean by “I will.” It has no sense of planning for the future. Saying something more like, “I am free from the desire to smoke” is an effective positive affirmation, and will begin to reprogram your subconscious mind into thinking of you as a non-smoker, even before you put down your smokes.
2. Make it personal. An affirmation must be personal for your subconscious mind to get it. Saying stuff like, “You need to eat healthier” will not help you change your diet. When your subconscious hears the word “you,” it doesn’t interpret it as a statement directed at itself. Instead, try phrasing your affirmation in the first person. Stick to “I” in your affirmations and you will begin to notice a strong positive effect on your behaviors. “I enjoy eating healthy foods” is a positive, first person affirmation that will help you begin making better choices when you reach for a meal or snack.
3. Make it literal. Your subconscious mind is very literal in its ability to interpret. It cannot process the concept of “not.” The statement, “I am not going to lie on the couch watching TV when I should be exercising” won’t do anything other than reaffirm how you should lay on the couch in front of the television. Form your intentions in a positive way, even if you haven’t made the behavioral change yet. “I enjoy exercising in my spare time” is more likely to get you motivated to get up and head over to the gym, instead of reaching for the remote control and a bag of your favorite chips.
Positive, personal, and present tense affirmations are extremely powerful in changing how your subconscious affects your behavior. Make every effort to stop reinforcing your old, negative, stinking thinking that keeps you stuck in a rut. Try using these three simple techniques today to create affirmations that can change your subconscious programming, your actions, and your life for the better.
Can’t think of any or can’t figure out how to begin? Join us here every weekend for “Affirmations” on Saturdays and “Musings + Affirmations” on Sundays.
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I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems.
Nothing is worth your health.
Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.
Social anxiety
Do you feel overwhelmed by your own expectations about festive occasions, as well as others? Does the prospect of upcoming social gatherings make you feel uncomfortable? Deep down inside, you know that you would like to go to the parties and other social events. But you choose not to go, more often than not, because you get very nervous about meeting new people. New situations along with the thought of meeting new people, scares you. And crowds only make things worse for you.
You worry. Will you know what to say? Will you know what to do? Will they stare at you, and make you feel insignificant? Will they reject you outright? Even if they are really nice people, they will be sure to see that frozen look on your face and your inability to relax. They will somehow feel your sense of discomfort and they won’t like you. There is just no way to win. So, once again, you choose to skip the party and stay home. You feel comfortable at home. In fact, home is the only place you do feel 100% comfortable.
You also know deep inside that these feelings and thoughts are irrational, and you may be feeling a little frustrated that you are unable to conquer them. If all this seems familiar to you, then it proves once again, that intelligence doesn’t necessarily make it easier to stop the feelings or make them easier to deal with. And worse still is that social anxiety does not come and go like some other physical or psychological problems. If you have social anxiety one day, you have it every day for the rest of your life.
But, the good news is, that you are not alone!
Your thoughts rule you
How you think and feel about yourself is often the difference between happiness and success, or frustration and failure. You are a product of your own thinking. So every thought you think has an impact on you. You respond to your negative thoughts, just like you do to your positive thoughts. Unless you try to change things, your subconscious mind will continue to flood your body with the negative messages and recordings that have been ingrained for years. If you have failed in the past to live up to your own expectations, your memories are loaded with negative programming and this is what you need to work to change.
Your life will begin to improve when you begin to believe in yourself and your own abilities. You will feel respected. This will give you an extra boost to increase your motivation and your enthusiasm for life will increase noticeably.
Hoping won’t cut it…
You have to act. Having a desire to make changes is a good thing. Taking action to start something is even better. Let us make the assumption that you have decided right now. You are ready to start making the changes that you want to see in yourself. If you have tried before and failed, you need to find a support structure. Why? This will help you keep your resolve and to help you keep your thought processes in check and focused on your goals.
Self-help is one of the few ways to permanently stop anxiety and confidence-related problems. Ultimately, only you can change the way you think and act. No one else can get inside of you and do it for you. Counseling, mentors, guidance and support can certainly help, but even with these, you still have to do it for yourself.
What’s your plan?
If you are feeling that life isn’t all it could be, what do you plan to do about it? Do you want to overcome the obstacles that you know are standing in your way? Will you finally be able to realize more of your potential and get even more from life, relationships and your career?
You have it within yourself to succeed. Never doubt that! You will achieve success if you make sure that you put an effective support system into place as soon as possible.
What’s stopping you?
Thoughts?
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Failure is the foundation of success;
success is the lurking place of failure.
Affirmation: I win even in the midst of a loss.
Disappointments are a normal part of life and some losses are inevitable. But, negative experiences help make the positive ones even more worthwhile. I work to turn every loss into a win. I may win something other than what I expected, but it is a win nonetheless.
I know what it feels like to lose. I admit to feeling down and disappointed when something I work hard to achieve slips out of my reach. But I also know what it feels like to win. So I gain knowledge and new perspective from every disappointment that can help me win more often.
Whenever something works out unfavorably, I analyze the sequence of events carefully and look for likely causes of the disappointing result.
I can usually find the culprit in a weakness here or questionable or poor choice there. What I learn from doing this is both enlightening and rewarding!
Experiencing a loss makes future victories and successes all the sweeter to me. I feel more pleased when I win something after suffering a setback. I honestly believe that my losses have helped equip me to succeed, remain humble and look forward in anticipation to future victories.
Today, I vow to make the time to enjoy my rewards, even if they are something other than the hoped-for victory.
I know that there is another shining moment out there for me. And I commit to making myself ready to seize that moment when it comes.
Homework/ Journal Prompts/ Self-Reflective Questions:
1. How can I help teach others how to learn the lessons their experiences bring, even after a disappointing loss?
2. What positive attributes have I gained as a result of experiencing disappointments?
3. In what ways am I better equipped for future battles?
Have an awesome week!
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Too many people overvalue what they are not and
undervalue what they are.
Some people have it, and some don’t. Self-confidence is a thing that many people find difficulty in achieving. Low self-confidence can influence the way you see yourself and your performance. Contrary to what most people think, self confidence is not something that only the “gifted few” have.
Improving your confidence is an important part of self-development and self-improvement. It is ultimately about loving yourself and accepting yourself as you are. You need to be aware of and accept your weaknesses as well as your strengths, and everyone has both.
Self-acceptance comes first
To become more confident, it is important that you first and foremost, believe in yourself. It is important that you become content with yourself. Don’t get it twisted. I am not saying that you should be settling for anything less-than. But in order to develop better self-confidence, self-acceptance needs to happen somewhere along the line. It means you can accept the good things, and the “failures” in life.
What else can you do?
1. Learn to understand your thoughts and emotions
By becoming more aware of your emotions and behaviors, you should then be able to modify or correct them. And, once you have made the choice to change a habit or behavior, there are often many different strategies and methods that you can employ.
2. Self discipline.
Changing your attitudes or behaviors, or even for that matter, your perspective will take some time. Change does not come overnight. You will need to educate yourself first, and then practicing the skills that you desire to improve and/ or develop.
3. Visualize it
Get a crystal clear picture of what you want to happen in your life. In order to be able to move forward in your life, it is absolutely vital that you have clarity. Seeing what you want to have in a clearer image will both encourage you to work for it, and help you make a clear road-map of how you plan to get there.
4. Choose wisely
The choice is always yours. You can, to a large extent, choose what you want to experience. By choosing to do something that is important to you and something that you also love, will give you enough confidence to continue down the path once started.
5.Trust yourself
Commit and trust! To be able to develop and grow, you need to have complete trust in your ability to go through the process that you have chosen, and that you will remain commit to the process.
6. Self-confidence
When choosing to consciously improve your self-confidence, there are some other characteristics that need to be developed as well. You need to develop your self awareness, which is about your readiness to look honestly at your past, accept it and move forward into the future.
7. Self-knowledge
You need to improve your self-knowledge which is about understanding your past and our attitude. Not only do you need to understand them, but also be able to look at the basis for such attitude or experience.
8. Self-discipline
Last, you will need to develop self discipline. Self-discipline is the way in which you make sure that your goals and vision are translated into the appropriate actions, and ultimately achieved. You need self discipline to make sure that you do not back down when things get a little difficult, or when you have little disappointments and setbacks.
Building self-confidence doesn’t happen overnight. Self- improvement is an ongoing, and for some, a never-ending process. In order to succeed in your dreams, you will need time, patience, perseverance and self-confidence.
Thoughts?
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Great leadership is not the visit of an unexpected fate
but rather a flame which is kept burning
in spite of the winds of risk and opposition.
Mary Anne Radmacher
How are your leadership skills? Does it ever feel like there is a giant gap between you and your team? Here are some quick pointers on how to get back on the same proverbial page, and on the same team pursuing the same vision.
1. Learn to say, “I don’t know.”
If you do not actually know the answer to a question, don’t try to bluff your way through. If you are at fault, take the hit. If you were wrong, apologize. If you don’t have the answer at your fingertips then, assure them that you will get back to them with the answer within a specific time-frame.
2. Can the gossip.
Never gossip! If someone wants to gossip with you, politely say that you are not interested. There is an old corporate adage that says that when someone gossips, two careers are hurt, the person talked about, and the person talking.
3. Roll up your sleeves
No task is really beneath you. Do not buy into the mindset that as the leader, you are above anything. Be the primo example and pitch in, especially if the job is one that nobody wants to do.
4. Give credit. At the very least, share it.
Share the credit whenever possible. A manager who spreads credit around looks much stronger than those who take all the credit themselves.
5. Get some help
Do not be afraid to ask for help. If you think you may be in over your head, then you are probably correct! Ask for some help and you will almost always find that most people enjoy lending a hand. Besides saving yourself some embarrassment, you will cultivate an ally.
6. Don’t discuss salaries
The discussion about how much you’re making is a no-win proposition. Either you will become upset because someone is doing better than you, or someone else will be upset with you for making more.
7. Don’t burn bridges
When you do not like someone, you don’t necessarily have to show it all the time. Especially in your workplace. This is even more true if you “outrank” them. Never burn all of your bridges or offend others needlessly as you move ahead.
8. Let go
What you feel shouldn’t happen, often does. You didn’t get the assignment you wanted, you were passed over for the promotion that you feel you deserved. Buck up. Be gracious and diplomatic, and move on. Nursing a grudge will not move your career ahead.
9. Be gracious in winning
When you are correct, do not gloat! The only time you should ever use the phrase, “I told you so” is if someone says something like, “You were right. I really could succeed at that ______.”
10. Ask the right questions, and listen carefully to the answers
If you are really interested in learning what is going on with the “troops,” ask questions as you travel through your day. Questions like:
Armed with questions such as these, you should get a pretty accurate reading of the health of your business or organization, and of your teammates. It will also help everyone gain insight into what is working for your customers. What better way to know how your business is functioning, and where it needs tweaking?
Wisdom is not hidden The wisdom of good leadership is readily available. It is all around you every day, all day long. But, you need to consciously make the time to open your eyes and ears and absorb it.
Thoughts?
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The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to
loving others,
devote yourself to
your community around you,
and devote yourself to
creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
Do you ever feel like your life has no purpose? Ever feel like you are just walking from one day into the next, without really loving or hating it? Or feeling it? If you find yourself in this situation, boredom is your enemy. Everyone experiences boredom at some point in their lives, and it can stop them from meeting their full potential. If you want to get out of this dangerous rut and onto the fast track to fulfillment, then you are going to have to give up boredom. It is time to say to yourself that you will never be bored again!
Boredom is harmful to your physical and mental health. It makes you feel unfulfilled, unhappy, and tired. Inactivity breeds more inactivity, and it leaves you feeling empty and miserable. You have to make a conscious choice to intentionally break this dreadful cycle. If you are feeling bored and want to get out of your slump, do something. Anything! It really doesn’t matter where you start. Just get moving. If you find that you are not thrilled with your first choice of activities, then move on to something else.
So how does this sense of boredom relate to helping you find your purpose? It’s really pretty straight-forward. If you are letting yourself become bored, then you are throwing up roadblocks along your own path to success.
Purpose is important because it can make you feel happier, and it gives you a reason to get out of bed every day. It will keep you moving forward, active, and healthy of mind and body.
The ideal, of course, is to be able to turn your life’s passion into a full time career. But, your special purpose in life does not necessarily have to be attached to your career. It could be a hobby or a charitable cause. It is something that you love doing and brings meaning to your life.
How do you go about finding your special purpose? The answer to this is straight-forward as well, although that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is easy. You have to open yourself to brand new experiences and get out “there” and do things. Making the effort to explore the world around you is a great way to discover your purpose and your passions.
Whether you’re reading new books, exploring different parts of your city, or chatting up people you’ve never met before, you will discover new things about yourself, learn more about your surroundings, and experience new adventures. New experiences have a great deal to offer. They get you out of the same old mindset and into some new ways of thinking and looking at things. This will likely stir some old passions and pique your interest in the world I which you have been otherwise sleepwalking. New encounters encourage you to try new things, develop new skill sets, and find new things that you excel at.
You can find your purpose in some of the strangest places, so don’t rule out any activity. After all, if you try something and don’t like it, you don’t have to go back to it.
It is having passions, and the perseverance to pursue them, that makes you a star. If you have been feeling a little bit empty lately, it is past time to fill your life up again with some passion!
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