Dearheart

Dear Heart, Giving Ourselves Permission to Cache, Reset, and Rest

Last week I was working at my computer doing some writing, revising, reorganizing, and general catching up. This activity involved rearranging many files. Because as we change, the way we see how things are related changes. At least that’s been my experience with computer files, things, and people. We all change…

As anyone could have predicted, my file movement started to slow down, a little, then a lot. Then my printer started to act out. I found that I was putting more and more effort into the project while getting diminishing returns. Admittedly, it has been a busy couple of weeks, and I was probably already a little tired before I started.

As my frustration mounted, it eventually dawned on me that the issue may not lie with my poor computer skills, but with the abuse of my computer. I had not emptied the cache(s) on my computer, nor reviewed my browsing history in quite some time. I did those things, and miracle of miracles things started to flow smoothly again. I was able to get back into a kind of rhythm.

This, of course, had not fully addressed the real problem. I was tired. And, it didn’t take long before I was struggling again. I was making silly, simple mistakes that kept bogging me down.

Ultimately, I realized that I needed to take the same approach I had used on my computer and apply it to myself.

I needed to empty the cache, rest, and allow for a reset.

“Some people have compassion

for even strangers,

but not for their own bodies.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I had to give myself permission to take time off.

To stop.

To rest.

To not continue to work the “To Do” List.

I had to give myself permission to not do anything.

Of course, I thought I would get back to work as the day progressed and after some of the weariness wore off. But that was not the case.

A full day of rest, respite, and renewal was required.

The next morning, I was able to get up and get right back into my planned activities.

We forget that we get tired and use up all our physical and psychic energy. We tend to continue to press on and push forward, even when there is nothing left for us to give.

We must know when and how to give ourselves permission to not continue.

Permission to say that it is OK for us (or someone else) to stop and take a break.

Or, maybe we need permission to dance.

Permission to feel, to think, to breathe.

Permission to live your purpose.

Permission to come home to self.

Permission to show ourselves compassion, kindness, a little grace, and a little mercy.

The world and the work will go on if it is meant to.

As we get older, we usually get better at doing this for other people, but we forget to think about taking care of ourselves.

So, in case you cannot do it for yourself, I am giving you permission to take some time for yourself.

TAKE CARE OF YOU!

We feel so much better when we take care of ourselves. We then have the opportunity to return to our tasks invigorated, with renewed strength, better focused, and with an open mind and heart.

“Almost everything will work again

if you unplug it for a few minutes,

including you.”

Anne Lamott

What do you do when things just aren’t working?

Have a burning question, a topic you want discussed, or a comment? Hit me up in the comment section.

Want to know more about what these letters and notes to DearHeart are all about and why I write them? Go to Dear Heart Letters- What Are They?

I don’t write these every week, and I don’t always promote them on my other social media platforms. Please share and subscribe.

Chat soon…

Martina

The Season is Upon Us (A Dear Heart Letter)

Dear Heart,

The season is upon us.

The season of fading light, rushing about, gift-buying/giving, and spending time with people we don’t usually choose to hang out with.

The holidays bring out the best and the worst in each of us. They are times of joy and times of sadness. There is simply not enough time, money, headspace, or heartspace to accommodate everyone. And all the while we feel like we are neglecting ourselves, letting ourselves down. But we plunge ahead because that is what we have always done. And, truth be told, it is what everyone expects of us. But what price are we paying to be what everyone else expects?

For some of us, it has little to do with the holiday season or the time of year. It has become a way of life, putting our needs on the back burner. We find ourselves spending more and more time, energy, and money on things and people that are not important to us. Things that bring little joy, light, or value into our lives. Sometimes just the opposite.

And it makes us feel on edge. We feel like we are drowning all the time.

What if we take a deep breath (or several breaths), take a step back (or many steps), and choose a different way to get through our days? What if we stopped and changed course, seeking a life we want to be in?

What if we made this our season of change and renewal? What if we choose to be ourselves and not someone else’s version of who we should be? No, it’s not going to be easy. And, no, it’s not going to be quick and painless.

The changes will be hard work, may dredge up some uncomfortable things we haven’t addressed, and may hurt a few feelings. But aren’t we important, too?

I think we are.

Let us embark on a journey of change and self-discovery together.

Every idea I present here may not be for you. But the ones that have a ring of importance, I implore you to try. Don’t try them all at once. You can always come back and review something. But try the ones that will help you inch toward your true self, towards your inner peace.

And isn’t that what we are looking for? Inner Peace!!

Join me here as I too grow, change, and expand my vision of my own life.

Bonus Affirmation!!!

Since we’re being real here… Guess what I learned once again while making this video?

“Perfect is the enemy of good.”
Voltaire

N.B. – I do not write these Dear Heart Letters, nor voice affirmations often. The only way you’ll know what’s going on is to subscribe and follow.

Please share with a friend who can use some encouragement!!

Chat soon…

Martina

Stories We Tell Ourselves: Past Failure Means Future Failure pt 1

Every event has a purpose and every setback has its lesson. I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional, or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards.

Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as the teacher that it is.

Robin S. Sharma

In the last few weeks, we have talked about how time and age do not have to limit us at all! Another story many of us like to find comfort in is, “Once a failure, always a failure.” Let’s unpack this story today and begin to flush it out of our belief system.

If you have ever tried and failed at something in the past, it can become easy to assume that our past failures mean that we will fail again in the future. We accept those past outcomes are guarantees or blueprints for future outcomes. That we are destined to fail at whatever we attempt.

We might be tempted to think, “I always fail at this so why should this time be any different? I am just a failure, a screwup.”

Our limiting story is that our past failure means future failure. We assume that our past fully governs our future. That if something didn’t work in previous attempts, it won’t work in the future.

True story: In the old days, as junior high school approached, we needed to choose academic or general tracts for the rest of our education. I have known what I wanted to do with my life for a long time but had no role model. The academic track required taking a language. I signed up for the academic track but had to get an additional signature from my mother. Apparently, somewhere back in the second grade, I had performed poorly on a standardized test that indicated that I was not up to the challenge of learning a foreign language. This did not make any sense to me, so I petitioned my mother, who acquiesced, signed the papers for me, and the rest, as they say, is history. How different life would have been we/ I had accepted that previous failure as a true indication of my capabilities going forward. This is not to say it has all been easy. But we get to make important choices over and over that can change the course of our lives. And those choices should be based on truth and fact, and not some historical misstep.

Now let’s rewrite this limiting belief into empowering beliefs.

Old Story:

“Past failure means future failure.”

New Empowering Story:

“My past failures have no bearing on my future.”
“Past failures help me avoid future mistakes.”
“I’ve simply discovered a way that doesn’t work.”
“Each failure brings me one step closer to success.”

The simple truth is that your past failures do not have any bearing on your current endeavors. Just because we have failed in the past does not mean that we will fail in the future.

Let that marinate a bit…

Chat next week

Martina

Learning to Be Grateful, Loving Ourselves

It’s a funny thing about life,

once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for,

you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.

Germany Kent

Most of us live fortunate lives. We have clean water to drink, places to live, and family. But with the piling on of letdowns and disappointments, we forget that we are blessed in so many ways.

I have friends who keep gratitude journals or make a list of a specific number of things to be grateful for each day. I journal and occasionally write Morning Pages but am not so focused on gratitude specifically.

What I am willing to commit to this coming year is slowing down and stepping back occasionally to celebrate some of my wins. More importantly, to give me credit, an occasional high 5 or pat on the back, and be genuinely pleased with the completion of a task or an accomplishment, even if it’s something as “minor “as completing the list of chores I have mentally set for myself. And honestly, sometimes, just making it through another day. That should warrant an occasional smile.

Life is already hard around us.

We need to learn to make it less hard inside us.

Turn down that super-harsh inner critic and be genuinely happy for yourself.

Learn to be proud of what you do and catch yourself saying, “Yes, I did that!!!”

And, how about a tiny round of applause for yourself??

What are you willing to commit to changing that will help make next year different?

Chat soon.

Martina

Thoughts for Holiday Gifts

“Everyone you meet is a part of your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay in your life. Some people are just passing through to bring you gifts; either they’re blessings or lessons.”

Roy T. Bennett

A brief thought for today…

As amazing as it seems to me annually, stores, online and in real life, have already started pushing sales and products at us. This is nothing new, but it feels odd after 18-20+ months of lockdown and isolation.

Many people have lost jobs, changed employment, changed careers, lost people, found themselves. Each of us in our own way has adapted to this strange time. And, many of us are still making adjustments to the world immediately surrounding us, as well as the political and atmospheric climate changes.

We have had a little downtime to think about how we might wish to do life differently as we move forward, or try to figure out how to get unstuck.

What if this year, as we get ready for gift-giving, if we have the funds to do that… What if, we asked peiople what they needed and tried to address that need, their real need?

I used to disdain gift card as the most unimaginative gift I could give anyone, but times they are a changing. Many more people need help with groceries, utilities, school clothes and supplies for the little ones, and any number of mundane things. Or, perhaps there is something special they’d like to get for themselves, or someone they care about, and a few dollars from a friend might help. How about a shopping spree at Good Will? Who are we to judge?

Perhaps the most important gift we can bring this year has little to do with money. Maybe there is a family favorite dish that hasn’t been made in a long time, that everyone would love to try; or you would like to try a new spin on it. Maybe its just an appointment for some quiet time together chatting or doing nothing at all but being yourselves. Who couldn’t use a real hug about now?

Dig deeper than your pockets, look into your heart, and find out what people really want or need.

Those are just a few of my thoughts for the upcoming holoiday sales rush and push.

Stop, think, ask, and help.

Perhaps you can help serve someone’s deepest need this time.

How do you plan to make this year’s holiday/ winter season different?

Martina

Mother’s Day 2021

Poem: Song for the Mis(t)born

Today is Mother’s Day. It is a joyous, happy day for many. And for those to whom it is a day of celebration, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.

Too often, I feel, we overlook or fail to show proper sensitivity to those who desire, but do not have living children in their lives. Those who have never had children, or have had pregnancies that have not come to fruition, or have lost their children, or fostered children who have been returned to their families, or currently have poor relationships with your teenage or adult children, or any other number of situations or circumstances we do not acknowledge on this day.

If you have watched any news or been on social media at all, you have also witnessed and shared some of the pain of mothers (and fathers) who continue to lose their children to violence.

To the women (and men) who stand in this space of “mothering” and shepherding, I offer you my heart, empathy, and a bit of my work. There are a thousand strings to pull from the complex topic of parenting. I offer only one, with more to come.

There are no cards, that I know of to honor and acknowledge the heartbreak or awkwardness this day can represent. But I have tried to put some of those feelings into a poem. Below is the first half of the piece.

Perhaps some of what I have written will apply to your situation. Or, more importantly, I hope it will encourage you to write a poem, a note, or a journal entry to this child, and to yourself.

At the very least, I hope it will let you know that there are many who stand beside you, think of you warmly on this day, and have a listening ear and a willing shoulder you can share…

Today will be the first time I share this piece in its entirety.

Join us over on Cultivating Voices Live, with Sandy Yannone as host, at 3:00 pm EST.

Song for the Mis(t)born

The iron after-scent of birth
Rising from my place of lying-in
I yield to the temptation
of gazing into your shining face
one more time

Moving blindly through the maze
To the room
where they seek
to temper your incandescent light

I wait impatiently as they unwrap
the swaddling you now wear
and not the cheerful onesie
I have in my bag
Here you are
The product of my now empty womb
Prematurely ready for my benediction

So many dreams and visions
I ‘ve held for you
For us
Crawling along the floor
Learning to walk
Standing in swings
Winning almost every contest
as I proudly stand by

But here you are
Chilly to my touch
All but bereft of the warmth we once shared
Almost beyond the reach of my love

What shall I wish for you now,
my love?

To be continued…

It is a good day for many, and it is a hard day for many.

Be sensitive and supportive.

Reach out if you need a shoulder…

UPDATE:

Post-event recording link, in case you missed the show.

Thank you for your support.

Martina

Photo by Sasha O’Shaughnessy on Scopio

Chat later in the week…

One Word: 2021

“As long as I am breathing,
in my eyes, I am just beginning.”
Criss Jami

No one will ever need to remind anyone who is alive today, what an ‘interesting” year 2020 has been. There are, of course, many other terms we could use to describe it. There have been many terrible things that have happened this year- tragedy upon tragedy, personal, political, and pandemic-related.

There have been good things, but those tend to be overshadowed by the bad, and the not-so-easily reconcilable.

Dealing with 2020 has been like dealing with a bad or derailing marriage. If you haven’t been party to one, or directly affected by one, then you’ve probably borne witness to at least one. Raw nerves have been exposed. Important issues that we have not taken care of nor dealt with continue to plague us. We continue to try to sweep them under the proverbial rug. And, somehow, we are continually amazed that they keep coming back to haunt us.

Personally, this year I have missed human contact because of the lockdown.

Also, Watchnight will not happen this year. Another missed opportunity to gather with community to jointly reflect on the year that we have just completed, and to
renew focus for the year ahead. A time when good things, bad things, evil things, sinful things, and good deeds are all laid bare on the altar of contemplation. While considering, with prayer, how to make the year ahead better.

But, as we come to this time of year, as we do every year, it is a time of making choices for the transition.

We can wallow in the carnage that was 2020. Or we can choose a different path. Rise and walk a path that reflects and demonstrates our human resilience. We can rise above all that we have borne witness to this year, by choosing to embrace life on slightly different terms, the new normal.

For many years I have chosen a single word “mantra” for the the year. Last year, my word was “Be.” And, despite a sometimes very rocky 2020, with all its ups and downs, turmoil, missteps, and challenges, I think it turned out to be a pretty good year for me to get past “Becoming,” and finally “Be.” But that is for another day.

For this year I have chosen- Embrace

Embrace all that life drops at our doorstep
The good times, and the bitter times.
Embrace the sad times, and the madcap and the maddening times.
Embrace the tearful times, and the terrifyingly terrific times.
Embrace the ebb and flow of all tides that come to us and learn from each.
Embrace the peaks and valleys of this leg of our life journey.
Most importantly, embrace each other and hold tightly.
Remember at every moment that this “may be the last time,” and treat it as such.

Accept things as they are.
Or do something to make the situation different.
By choice, let go, or keep, what does not serve you well.
Pursue and embrace the things that are of value.

We can face anything together.

2020 Thanksgiving Thoughts

We cannot do great things on this Earth,

only small things with great love.

Mother Teresa

2020 has been a bizarre year by any standard. I don’t think I need to rehash all of them here. And, some events are still unfolding, slowly. But, some good things have emerged as well.

We are approaching the year’s end and this is often a time for reflection and preparation.

Thanksgiving always seems a bitter-sweet holiday for me. A time to remember to be thankful and kind and gracious. But it is also a time (or perhaps a season) when people are filled with sadness and loneliness. As I was growing up, we had great (in number) family gatherings for most holidays, often at my mother’s house. Lots of cooking and good smells and good times. As I have grown older, many of those people, including my parents and my sibs, along with a whole host of others, are no longer alive. They are remembered and missed. This is part of my holiday sadness, but I have others that I can share the joys of “now”.

I am grateful for every person who has crossed my path. I am grateful for every experience, even though I may not have enjoyed them or understood them at the time. I have learned something from each. I am grateful for new friends, acquaintances, and opportunities to continue to learn and to grow.

But there is another side to the sadness of holidays. And that is that the world is full of people who are alone, as well as those who are lonely. Trust me, they are not the same. Some of us are alone and quite content with our situation most of the time. While many are alone because of circumstances within or beyond their control and are far from being content. Still, others are alone because they have built rock-solid walls of protection around their hearts and are afraid to let anyone in again, because they cannot forgive another, or grant themselves forgiveness.

Everyone knows someone who would probably be thrilled to have someone reach out and touch their lives with some small act of kindness.

This is generally a season of hope. Be mindful in extending a little more love, offer a little more hope and grace to the people around you. Not because someone told you to, but because you possess the ability, capacity, and humanity to get it done.

Because of COVID-19, more people will be alone for the next few days. This will be a new way of doing things for them. All the more poignant because it is a “holiday” in which families gather. If someone is on your mind or your heart, why not give them a call or do Facetime with them?

Remember that every person we encounter is struggling with something.

Be kind,

Be thoughtful,

Be gracious,

Protect your own peace,

Be a blessing,

#BeBlessed,

And, #StaySafe.

~ Martina

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

Approaching the Twilight…

Approaching the Twilight…

As we edge toward

The twilight of our lives

Let us remind ourselves that

We are still the heroines/ heroes of our own stories

We often offered our best

Remember the tender care of others at our weakest

And the graces we bestowed when at our best

Forgiving ourselves our greatest fears

Most of which never came to light

And occasions when we were at our bravest

Leading the good fight

Look back at the times we felt most uncertain

Undervalued

And condemned

But look too at the comfort we brought to others

Let us not ruminate too long

On being a host/ess of disease and infirmity

Of failing bones and noisy joints

But move forward in joy and balance

Enjoying the wisdom that time has bestowed

While we have time

While we yet press on

Let us remember to commemorate the lessons learned in bitter disappointments

And to celebrate the sweetness, the triumphs,

That is life

Photo by Bowen Chin on Unsplash

Dearheart: Pruning is Hard Work

Dearheart,

Cutting away the deadwood, the unserviceable branches, the lovely, but deadly and dangerous weeds is grueling work. But it’s not the trees or plants that we are talking about, is it? It’s the people in our lives who seem to take so much more than they give. Or, those few that we are not even sure why we are still friends. Were we ever? Yes.

People float in and out of our lives. Some pass out of the light because of changes in their circumstances, sometimes the changes are in ours.

But, as we get wiser, whether it stems from age or experience, we become a little more selective about what we will allow. We learn that everyone we meet on life’s journey does not have our best interests at heart. We often learn this the hard way. And there are some who genuinely do care about and for us; treasure these. Some people are on a totally different page or agenda. Sometimes, we just drift apart through no one’s fault. Sometimes we lose interest in the activities and realize that this has been our only connection.

It is that annoying pull that we contend with for those situations and occasions that we still show up to, but we know it has become a habit or routine. We no longer feel invested in the people, places, or events. One, or all three.

We try to hide from the painful truth that we need to figure out how to deal with it all differently, or better, or not at all. Dare we choose to let them go? Yeah, that is a tough call and an even harder step to take.

Pruning is hard work.

It is hard interior work because it breaks our hearts. It is hard exterior work because it makes for uncomfortable conversations.

But, whether you choose to stay or to go, to keep doing what you’re doing, or to take a different path, Dearheart, choose to be honest with yourself. Things will never be absolutely perfect or easy, but stop telling yourself that something is what it is not.

If we cannot learn to trust ourselves, who can we trust?

Why is this important? Because we all need sunshine in our lives.

Martina

Photo by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash

Dearheart

Old Story:

New Empowering Story:

Martina

Martina

Song for the Mis(t)born

UPDATE:

Martina

We cannot do great things on this Earth,

only small things with great love.

Mother Teresa

Pruning is hard work.

If we cannot learn to trust ourselves, who can we trust?

Why is this important? Because we all need sunshine in our lives.

Martina

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