The best fighter is never angry.
As you go about your daily life, take notice of how you relate with your family, friends, and co-workers. What do you think they see? Do they see a kind, patient, caring person who goes out of their way to take other people’s feelings into consideration? Or do you find that you often feel on edge, tense, in a hurry, or downright angry toward others? If the latter is the case, this post may help you focus on and clarify what you might be so angry about “all the time.” Once you can begin to identify what has you on edge, you have a much better shot at finding a solution.
Consider these few reasons as possibilities of why you are carrying around your anger:
1. You wish your life situation was different. Are you living the life you truly want to be in? Have things turned out for you the way you had always hoped or planned? Or are the specifics of your life astoundingly different and maybe even a little disappointing compared to what you want your life to truly be about?
Solution #1 Make a plan today to change one thing, just one thing, that is important to you. Follow your plan. Then repeat, for just one single thing at a time.
2. You are in an unhappy relationship. For whatever the reasons, the two of you just are not relating very well. Perhaps you argue frequently or you are finding that you do not enjoy the same things. You may have even already “checked out” of the relationship emotionally. You are not quite certain how about to change things so you simply get angry.
Solution #2 Allowing yourself to honestly confront the truth will lead both of you to the life you seek.
3. You struggle to resolve some issue from your youth. You find yourself often thinking of your dysfunctional family or how growing up the way you did seems to impact every day of your life. Why did your parent have to be an alcoholic? How did your older brother think it was okay to pick on you all those years?
Solution #3 Unresolved family-of-origin issues often trigger angry feelings in most people. As you encourage yourself to face such issues, you will be motivated to reach your own resolutions for a happier life.
4. You want to earn a college degree. When you were in high school, it was your biggest dream that you would attend college and become a teacher. But life happened and you didn’t do it. This still nags at you. You always thought you would get around to it, but here you are, 10/ 20/ 30/ 40 years after high school graduation, and you still do not have the college degree you wanted.
Solution #4 And you are pissed off with yourself that you have not made more of a serious effort to achieve your dream. It is okay to dream and to get yourself together and pursue what you want 10 or more years later. Realizing that you still have these deep-seated issues will logically help you figure out what to do about them.
5. You are disgusted about your lack of taking better care of yourself. You used to work out and keep your weight under control. But now, your solution is to wear floppy, too-big t-shirts to hide how out-of-shape you are. You grab a fast-food meal on the way home from work and crash out on the sofa when you get there.
Solution #5 Admitting to yourself what’s going on will help to ignite your self-confidence to improve your personal habits.
6. You have become a person that you don’t even really know anymore. Your life is on a path that you are unhappy with. Yet you are confused about how to change it and make it move in a different direction. You care less and less about how you treat others, even those you truly love. You find yourself getting angrier every day.
Solution #6 Recognize that only you have the power to make any change you want in yourself.
7. You or someone close to you suffered trauma. Whenever a trauma occurs, people’s feeling are initially panic, fear, and maybe horror. When the traumatic event comes to an ends, confusing and troubling feelings remain. You might think, “Why did it have to happen?” It is often difficult to accept that such a troubling event could have occurred. But it did. It makes you feel angry at the world.
Solution #7 One choice to move forward is to seek professional help. If you find yourself feeling annoyed, frustrated, or angry frequently, it is probably time to reflect on what is really going on with you below the surface.
Determining why you are so angry can be very helpful in figuring out what to do to decrease your troublesome feelings. Working through your anger will free you from your prison of unhappiness.