Bullying
A few days ago, a cyber friend seemed a little down and out of sorts, lamenting the brutality of some of the people she has come into contact with on Twitter. Perhaps brutality is too strong a word. Why don’t we try calling it self-centered or just plain inconsiderate?
In the last few weeks, I have had to disengage from several people who seemed more bent on fueling an argument that sharing knowledge and engaging.
The nicest thing about Social Media is that you meet some of the coolest, smartest, most talented and helpful people around. These people are willing to share their fund of knowledge, expertise and talents freely, for the most part.
The second nicest thing about social media is that unlike our lives outside of the Internet is that you don’t really have to put up with any jack-butts or narcissists.
Friends and acquaintances
The first group of people I have tended to un-followed are those that do not interact… ever. Granted, in the cyber world, I am nobody special, a small-fry. I will never be considered an A-lister or a heavy-hitter. I’ll never have a million followers. And all of that is okay. I’d rather have a few people whose first names I actually know, whose blogs I read and comment on (even if only occasionally), who are a little concerned if I don’t show up for a few days, that I can engage in spirited debate with, and can ultimately agree to disagree with, and still remain cyber-friends or acquaintances.
Getting without giving
The second group that I have become more conscious about un-following, is more insidious, and cloying. These start out as what feels like a normal conversation, then several psychological push-backs later you can begin to sense that they think that all your views about the world are wrong. You start to dread seeing their name (or twitter handle) come across your screen.
These people, I have discovered in my brief sojourn almost always want something. They want you to buy their book, come into their camp and bring your followers, claim them as your lord and liege, promote them or just sink to their level and fight in public with them. You start to notice that after a few exchanges that your heart flutters or your stomach clenches, and not in a good way when they pop up. And, as soon as you’ve convinced yourself that the discourse is done, you have signed off with all the agape love you can muster and extracted yourself from useless and meaningless debate….they come back.
Why do we let them hold us hostage?
The real question we must ask ourselves then is why do we let these people- family members, friends and worst of all, strangers, on the Internet or in real life (IRL), drag us down into the mire with them. Why do we twist in the wind and let them crank us up to the point that we cannot focus on why we are here, or what we started out to accomplish?
Do we feel that needy or lonely? Or could we possibly perceive ourselves so unworthy that we will let just anybody trample us and our feelings?
Wouldn’t you like to drop into your (twitter) stream any time and pick up some gems, some great articles, blogs, recipes, leadership nuggets, and skip the crap? Of course you would.
Wouldn’t you like to go to work or church or come home and celebrate the goodness and virtues of the people around you? Again, of course you would.
If you have read this far then you are probably having some difficulty with the concept of letting these people go, getting rid of them or redefining your relationship with them.
Online it’s relatively simple to get rid of them. In real life it gets a little more complicated, but it is not impossible. At the very least you can set your sites on ways to redefine your relationship, set new boundaries, and take a different outlook or a different tack.
It’s a two step process:
First, examine why this person / these people are in your life. Honestly evaluate what you think you might lose or gain by staying so intimately and closely connected. Ask yourself, “What happens if I let go of them? Will / can I survive without them?”
If you work with them, and you are not the boss, then you can’t get rid of them, but you can choose to engage differently.
Then the second part is much more difficult…DO IT!
Stay or go, but alter the dynamics. Make a choice – and stick to it.
I know from personal experience that this is hard. We can make all sorts of mostly rational and flimsy excuses as to why we need to continue to struggle in some of our relationships.
So, I’m here today, nobody special, to give you permission to do just that…
CHOOSE CHANGE!
YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!!
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